So. Quite a few things have happened since my last real post. A few of the biggest "turning point" moments were:
- Somehow, my dumbass self slipped and confessed to DHB about how, yes, I still feel uncomfortable around his other friend, and yes, ideally I would still like to be around him as much as possible. And I did it in the worst way, sobbing to him hysterically at 11PM in my dorm lounge. Seriously, when did I become so embarrassing? Though, interestingly enough, he's been a lot more accommodating than I expected now that he knows how I feel. Not that I don't feel guilty when he says things like, "[My other friend] probably won't stay, so you should sleep over." I guess it makes me feel like I'm making myself into some jealous mistress who slinks around behind the wife's back or something. But in the end, I'm happy that he's acknowledging the situation and doing something about it. As selfish as it is, this is what I really wanted, after all.
- I had my first session with my counselor last Tuesday, and it was much more helpful (and enjoyable) than I expected it to be. I like talking about my feelings, anyway, so the connection between my counselor & I clicked in almost immediately. Her end comments were that she felt "encouraged" because I seem "self-aware" and I can probably get through this issue alone, but just need a few pushes in the right direction. She also said that it was encouraging that DHB responded in a positive way when I confessed to him, and that he seems really invested in maintaining his friendships with others. (Which is def. true and something I need to work on...) She recommended I make a conscious effort to spend time with DHB, even if the circumstances aren't ideal for me, and to let our friendship change and grow by keeping an open mind. And just hearing all that really helped relieve my stress.
- ......And she said that my feelings for DHB, particularly my need to be around him all the time when he's in my vicinity and my desire for him to feel similarly towards me, has at least a tinge of romance to it. Not that that wasn't something I already kind of knew.
Damn it.
A few things of somewhat lesser importance:
- Urrghh, I really need to study more. I've been slipping academically, which at this point means that my grade average is about a B/B+ that desperately needs to be bumped up to an A- by the end of the semester. :/
- Yesterday, I spent the whole afternoon helping my friend with his side-project talk show. His crew all left for fall break/had unexpected emergencies, so I had to do most everything in their place, which included manning the camera. It turned out being a much more fun experience than I had expected, and my camera work was apparently much better than expected, too. :P
- So. I drank alcohol for the first time on Tuesday night. It was completely spontaneous and only with a couple friends... and it was only a half a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, so it's not like it did shit. Next time, we'll be bringing out the bottle of coconut-flavored hard alcohol, which should be... interesting.
EDIT: Oh, and I mentioned off-hand last year that DHB gets touchy-feely when he's tipsy, and Jesus, I was NOT kidding. @_@;;
