Today was not that great of a day. And from the looks of things, it could either get better or worse. (Probably at least a little bit of both.)
It's torture, putting myself in situations that I KNOW will make me feel awkward--so much so that I want nothing more than to leave that very moment, crawl into bed, and hug my pillow--and all other sorts of emotions that I would much rather suppress. But I must do these things in order to get over... this. Because avoiding things does not help in the long run.
Lately, I've been wondering what's worse: feeling the way I do now or being completely apathetic.
And to make things worse, I got one of my midterms back today, in the class I've been least motivated in, and I got a solid C. Which is the worst grade I've gotten at Kenyon so far. Not that I didn't have it coming, but. Urgh.
Random and cryptic post, I know, but I think it helps to spontaneously write these things out sometimes. :(
EDIT: ALTHOUGH, things have been getting better, so don't take this soapbox moment too seriously. But it's still difficult to have to deal with everything on a day-to-day basis. Many current friendships, and not even just my issues with DHB, have been so confusing and different lately. So many of my friends have had falling outs, have made new friends I don't (yet?) know, have grown much closer to each other (but not me) in the blink of an eye, and many friends I hardly see anymore. Hell, I found out that one of my closest friends here is probably transferring next semester. It's just... difficult, all of it.
