October 11, Ill never forget the day... As time passes and it gets closer to that special day... And every day the depression gets worse. The closer i get to it; the more memories come back...the nightmares.. I feel like im fucking losing my mind alittle bit more each day; I've stopped sleeping again too...even eating. Ill be counting down the days, to wat wouldve been our year together but its only the count down to my sadness.

Is it ok to have dreams...of the man you used to love...gazing up into his eyes sorrowfully as the last of the blood slides out of your wrist and you take your last breath.. dedicating it to him...only to be rewarded by a eternaty of roaming through the darkness.
*sighs* I dont know any more. Its just getting harder and harder to smile as the days go by....

"I just hope this will go away"