I world for ranting, for letting out negative feelings.

And they wonder why...

Today is far from lovely...the basement flooded, the pluming is sooo backed up even draino can't fix it, and now to put the icing on this smelly pile of a cake the down stairs toilet constantly leaks and has a chunk missing! I friggin chunk! In order to fix the pipes we have to cut up the kitchen floor and Allstate says if we don't get the external damage to the house fixed they're dropping our house insurance. Hello trust issues, how are you?

I've always had a bit of a problem with trusting people because I've been lied to and stepped on so much...but this...this is REALLY getting under my skin. I'm just about fed up with this shit just constantly piling up. I feel like if I don't calm down soon, I'm going to explode in a fit of rage and strangle the person closet to me. -takes a deep breath and tries to calm down- Sorry about this...I've been ranting here so much more then I should lately but...I really can't help it. Maybe it's because this is my uber emotional week idk but I've just about had it! He just sat there through closing and said "yeah everything's in working order. Nothings broken." -tries very very hard not to punch nearest wall- I think...I"m going to go clean or somrthing so I don't break anything...

Upset post -updated-

Hello my lovelies...things aren't very lovely here at the moment. Dumping buckets to wash clothes and dishes is getting on my nerves...so I've decided to become the wicked witch of MD. If anyone would like to join me please sign up in the comments...

All joking aside this house is getting ridiculous. If you use anything in the kitchen that requires water the whole room floods. Which is now way the washer empties in a five gallon bucket and I have to pause it, and run outside in the ice to dump it. (same for the sink only its a large bowl) We can't get a hold of the hobgoblin that sold us the house so we have no help fixing this mess. (hes conveniently out of town -_- imagine that) I swear I might just need black magic to fix this place -rubs temples- On top of the house mess I'm getting sick as well. I can't breath, my nose constantly runs, I have a wicked headache, I can't stop sneezing, my throat is sore, and occasionally I feel sick to my stomach.

I hope you guys are doing much better than I am. I think I'm going crazy bit by bit. Oh! the ceiling leaks right over the couch too I forgot to mention that earlier...uggh If I could find that guy...just give me five minutes with him...I could set it straight magic or no magic. -sighs- I better get back to work I hope you guys have an awesome day

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Update:

Yeah so the agent that sold us the house stopped by to check out the draining issues. (he didn't have to but hes a close family friend) He is extremely upset by what he found. It looks like we'll have to rip up the kitchen floor to get to the drain problems...yupp and that's going to cost money out the wazoo...Looks like I'll be picking up the broom after all. -takes long drink of tea and sighs- So basically its going to cost us a lot of money to fix a problem we didn't even cause. Or the guy that sold us the house even. The people that owned this house before the seller put the drains in wrong. They used an elbow -_- you can't use an elbow on a drain. Why someone would do that I'll never know. I'm going to unpack more and finish the laundry. If I get any more bad news about this house I'm going to need something stronger than tea...Sorry I've been ranting so much lately...this is just the only place I can get all this out right now...anyway, back to work I go...wish me luck

Am I a bad person...?

Ok before I start this I want to say something. This is about some topics that have offended people before. I wont want to offend anyone here but I need someone to talk to about this stuff because its driving me up the wall...

Ok so please guys don't be offended, but if this post does bother you I understand. You see...lately everyone has been baby crazy here. No this isn't leading up to me being pregnant. I'm going to clear that up now. A family friend just got a grand son, Hope just hand another kid, everything on tv lately has been about someone having kids...when we went with my mother in law to her doctor appointment in Pittsburgh every woman there was pregnant. I...I just...I don't know the whole idea of pregnancy and kids...I don't feel happy about it like everyone else.

In fact, pregnant women freak me out....I don't know why and I know its stupid but they do. I try to avoid being around them as much as possible. Same with small babies. -sighs- Maybe its because of my past experiences with my family growing up I don't know but I don't like the idea of becoming that way myself. By that I mean, getting pregnant...which makes me feel terrible because I know my husband wants a child of his own rather than adopting...I know I should want one too but....I was terrified of that idea when I was a small child myself. This whole friggin subject makes me feel like I'm outside looking in. I know I should be inside with everyone and be happy about it. I shouldn't see it as a bad thing but I do....

God I don't friggin know what's wrong with me. Most women my age already have a kid or two and are thinking about having another...but me, nope I avoid them like the plague. Or at least the very small babies. I'm ok once they hit the toddler stage. I don't know...maybe something in my head is broken or something. Or maybe...hell maybe its because I've always felt so friggin obligated to having a child that I don't want one now. Being the oldest in my family there was always a lot of pressure on me. I felt like I had to do whatever my parents and grandparents asked because I didn't want to let them down...maybe because they badgered me so much about grandkids I can't stand the idea anymore idk...-sighs- I'm sorry Im unloading all of this on you guys...maybe its because its shark week and that makes me a quivering ball of emotions idk...I just don't know what to do about this...am I a bad person for not wanting to have a baby?

I've been told that before...hell I've even lost friends because of this....maybe I am a bad person...I don't friggin know...I don't....I feel like if I don't eventually have a child with my husband I'm depriving him of something hes always wanted...but if I do do it, I'm afraid I'll just become my mother because I'm not fond of babies...my mother in law is pressuring me about it too because she wants a granddaughter....my husband wants a daughter too...I 'm like the most un-maternal female on the planet....sometimes I feel like I'm insensitive too...a person like that shouldn't have a child...but again I don't want to take away something my husband really wants...-sighs again- I'm so angry with myself for not knowing what to do and yet I want to cry because I sound like a terrible person. I don't know what to do when it comes to this topic...

I think I'm stopping here...my head is splitting and I don't want anyone here to notice I'm internally fighting with myself....again sorry for unloading this on you guys...

Sorry but this has to happen....

I tried being cheerful all day. I tried to look past everything craptastic that's happened today but after I got stabbed in the finger with a wooden skewer stick....I was fed up. Its not bad but it did leave a bloody little hole. The main source of my annoyance today is...surprise surprise the dog -__-. Not only was she used as an alarm clock to wake me up this morning by my mother in law, but shes been loud, destructive, and just flat out annoying today. I've had very little sleep, I'm freezing but can't use my blanket because this morning the dog chewed on it while I went to the bathroom and now its all sticky and wet, and to ice the awesome cake of poo that is today I haven't got to spend any time with my husband today...my head is pounding and I can't concentrate on anything other than how annoyed I am. Not even my sparkling apple Izze is making me feel better. I'm having a hard time with my new story as well. I cant concentrate on it enough to write the second chapter and I still haven't came up with a title yet....Uggh! I should have just stayed in bed today....I even tried watching an old favorite Shuffle! that I've never finished and I can't even do that today. I hope tomorrow is better or I just might loose my Zeus damn mind! Oh! wait I forgot something else that happened. The dog being the little rip she is ate my favorite tropical flower hair tie tat I got from vacation last summer! No more pretty things for me -_- today sucks. It's sucked all day. God I can't wait for this new house to happen. I need my own space to relax and let loose some of this pent up energy...yup...that's it for now. I can't say I feel much better. I still feel pretty crappy and wound up but at least I ranted a little bit I guess...I'd kill for a shot of sake right now. Or maybe whiskey.

Forgive me for doing this but...

I'm sorry for doing this I really am but I need to let off some steam...things have been a little stressful here lately and I finally see why.

Venting starts here: If you don't want to hear/read it feel free to stop here.

So things have been tense here for a while now and I had no clue why. I felt left in the dark and felt responsible for it. I don't know why but I did. I always do that. Even when I know I had nothing to do with it I still always feel like is my fault. I finally know its not.

Let me start from the beginning. Back when I was still in NC even. Before I was married to my lovely husband. We were just teens dating at this time. Apparently back then my now mother in law decided she didn't like me. Which there are a few points I can understand or at least wave. One: back then I was Pagan. Ok sure I can see how that could be troubling to someone. People fear and dislike what they do not understand. Ok whatever, I'm cool with that. Two: I still dressed in the emo/goth style. That includes dyed hair hanging in my face. Ok sure, not very socially acceptable but its not bad either right? What's wrong with deep purple hair?

Now let's fast forward to now. Three: I'm not a dog person. Which honestly, I'm not. If I had the chance to go out and get a new pet a dog wouldn't be my first choice. But does that make me a bad person? Growing up I had cats indoors. I couldn't go outside with the dogs because I got sick all the time. I had a very bad immune system. So naturally I bonded with the only animal I was around. Cats. I don't hate dogs, I just prefer cats. Easier keep, not messy, not smelly, clean, functional, and independent.

Four: I don't clean the house in the same OCD way she does. -sighs- Does it really matter how the house is cleaned if you reach the same goal? If its clean does it matter how it got that way? Apparently it does. -_-

Five: Recently I found out shes been trying to break my husband and I up. Apparently while we were PLANNING OUR FRIGGIN WEDDING she told my husband that she wished he would have got together with the girl from their church. She could keep house right, cook better, and she likes dogs....-sighs- now shes taken to hiding things that I use on a daily basis.

Like the lighter for instance, no I don't smoke I use it to light my oil burner. I find that cleaning chemicals are to harsh. The smell they leave behind irritates the senses. So to fix this I burn oil extracts to clear the air and make the house smell nice. What does she do? Hides the lighter from me and sticks it in her bookshelf behind a bunch of books -_-

I get being worried about a li flame in a house with dogs. God knows, its just like having small children...but come on. I'm responsible about it. I stay in the room when its lit, I keep the dogs away from it, I move it when I'm done using it. What's the problem? Seriously? I do nothing but be nice to this woman and this is how I'm treated. That sad thing is shes been more of a mother to me then my own and she doesn't even like me. -sighs again- I'm getting rather irritated with her...I haven't said anything until now because I don't want to start anything. I love my husband and I'm staying here. She's just going to have to get over this petty shit and get over it.