Im going to start off by saying Im sorry about posting about my fears and insecurities here but......this is getting to be a little much for me. Also I apologize if this offends anyone....not my intention.

So working at the nursing home is ok. Once you look past the bullshit anyway. Im just getting to the point where I dont like meeting new peopleace to face anymore because of one question... "So how many kids do you have?" I know it sounds stupid and I know Im being overly sensitive but its really bothering me...not the question itself but how people ask it. Because Im so tired after work I dont do much after I get home. Naturaly I gined a little weight. Io got a tiny bit of pudge on my belly and eve yone assumes Im pregnant....

No...Im not....I never want to be...I know thats selfish but....that whole process terrifies me to my very core. What happens to the womans body before, during, and after pregnancy...has always terrified me. I watched my cousin eing born at the age of four. At the age ofn three I asked question about it and watched my cat give birth. She almost died. My aunt almost died. Some doctors refuse to ive pain killers because it will hurt the baby...what about the poor woman pushing a watermellon out of her private area?

What about the weak bladder months after giving birth? Or the sexually unattractive stretch mrks or leaking breasts? Not to mention brittle bones....everything...eveything about this process scares me. Because Imaining a little weight coworkers and residents alike ask me when Im due...Its embarrasing and uncomfortable. One coworker found out I dont want kids and now shes made it her mission to talk me into it...Im sorry if this offends you guys but I cant do it. A woman is closest to death when giving birth. I cant knock on deaths door for something Im afraid of doing. I just cant. Ive been asked about this and badgered about it so much Im having nightmares about it now. Sorry Im posting this crap again...I just need to let it out...