This isnt a ranting or upset post. More of a...Usagis a friggin moron post. You dont have to read this if you dont want to. Its really just to get this off my chest. I think I pushed myself to far emotionally. Its been since 2009 that it happened...I didnt think a holiday thats supposed to be fun, joyous, and family closeness make me so uneasy. I wont go into detail because thEre are younger otakus here, but my grandfather died a very violent death christmas eve...I was there when it happened. If I didnt have Okami, my dearest Goku, and pokepark back then I would have lost it...

The following summer I hightailed it to MD to live with Okami. Since that year I havent celebrated christmas. Not because I was scared to but because we didnt have the room to or the money. Plus, both Okami and I converted to Islam so you know, its not really a holiday we celebrate now....butmy mother in law is still Chirstian. She still celebrates the holiday. I think I pushed myslf o far by helping her decorate for he occassion.

I mean, I was fine while doing it, but last night I had an aweful nightmare. Not aboutmy grandpa but my Goku. As a lot of you know, Goku is my dearest kitten that I left with my younger sister. During hat hard time in my life he never left my side for anything. He slept with me, ate with me, hell even bathed with me. He knew I was going through something hard. But last night...I dreamed he also met a violent end....I know it may sound stupid to some o be so attatched to an animal but I really depended on my little sayian. It messedme up so much this morning while I was at work I caught myself just staring off into space. Im still on light duty so it dnt make much differernce but still...