Spoiler-less, for once!
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Ed pulled his watch out of his pocket for the thousandth time, tracing his finger over the engraving absentmindedly as he stared out the streaky window of the train. The sun was setting low over the soft hills, crowning them in crimson and orange as the train sped away from Ed’s first and only home.
As it sped away from Winry.
Ed smiled sadly at the thought of his bubbly friend. She had been so happy to see him and Al at her front gate, she had fallen down the front steps in her haste to let them in, causing both Ed and Al to break out into hysterical fits of laughter.
It had only taken a few days for Winry to notice Ed’s state alchemist watch. Her face had lit up at the sight of the silver chain dangling from his pocket.
“Is that for me, Ed?” she had squealed, yanking on his hand and pointing at the chain. Ed looked down, dismayed to see the watch chain hanging from his pocket in plain sight.
“Uh, no,” Ed mumbled anxiously as he stuffed the chain out of sight. He grimaced as he touched the cold silver, a cold reminder of his new life. “I’ve gotta, ah, go outside for a minute.” He turned away from her and ran blindly, determined to get away.
“Wait, Ed!” Winry called worriedly, sprinting after him.
Oh crap, she knows, Ed thought to himself. She knows something is wrong.
After shoving his way past Pinako and through the door into the open fields, Ed skidded to a stop behind the house, panting as he tried to catch his breath. I can’t let Winry find me now, he thought desperately. But where can I go?
Scanning the fields, Ed noticed a small, dingy shed, camouflaged by its surroundings. The door had fallen off its hinges, rotting next to the gaping doorway. Ed padded over to it and heaved the door off the ground with a grunt, propping it up against the doorframe. He pressed his hands against the rotting wood, willing it to meld with the hinges again. With a flash of blue light, the door straightened on its hinges, swaying open and beckoning Ed inside.
Ed stepped inside and glanced at his dim surroundings. The shed was empty except for a large pile of decomposing hay slumped in the corner. The room had a dank, musty smell, and darkened considerably as Ed pulled the door shut with a muffled thud. Figures, he thought to himself. That’s all there is out here now…hay, wheat, grass, and Winry. Everything else is gone.
Head drooping, Ed trudged over to the far wall and slid down to the floor, burying his face in his hands. I shouldn’t have come back here. Now I don’t want to leave.
Whether he sat there for minutes or for hours, Ed wasn’t sure. The same dark thoughts chased each other around and around his brain: Al’s missing body, replaced by a crumbling armor; the devastating loss of his mother; Scar’s fearful hunt for Ed, his current biggest enemy and target; poor innocent Nina, not given a chance to live her life, instead living a pained and tortured existence combined with her dog Alexander as a Chimera before dying a brutal death. All the enemies he had made, all the chaos he had created, all the lives he had cost.
And then he and Al had come back home to visit their old home, and Winry was suddenly a part of his life again. Ed was laughing again every day. Smiling at his friends and family over a good meal. Relaxing in the comfortable quiet of the sunset with Winry and Al. Making fun of Pinako, who was even shorter than he was. Sparring with Al and losing every time. Living a normal life, just like any other teenage boy. And he didn’t deserve it in the least.
By now, Ed was shaking with a sadness, anger, and hate towards himself he had never felt so strongly before. Why did he get to come here and live a happy life, even if it was just for a couple of weeks? All those people who had died because of him would never get the chance.
The door of Ed’s refuge creaked open, and suddenly Ed realized that he wasn’t alone anymore. Winry slid down on the floor next to him. For a minute, she didn’t say anything; she just stared at the stars outside the gaping door. Then she stood up abruptly, grabbing Ed’s hand and dragging him up with her. “C’mon, Ed,” she said. “Let’s go sit outside. It’s too dark and musty in here.”
Ed let her lead him out, mutely shuffling along behind her. Outside, the moon bathed the hills in silver, casting a pale glow around the two teenagers. Winry dropped down onto the sweet smelling grass, the stars reflected in her bright sapphire eyes. Ed lay down gingerly next to her, avoiding her gaze.
“So, Ed,” she began. “What is it? Why’d you run like that?”
“How’d you find me?” he croaked instead, avoiding the subject. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about it yet.
“Easy,” she replied casually. “The door of that shed’s been broken for years. I knew you were in there the second I saw the door was reattached. But, I haven’t seen you run like that since your mom died, and thought you might need some time. Which brings me back to my current question…why’d you run, Ed?”
Ed turned his face away from her, still unwilling to broach the subject. “Because…” he faltered, “Because…” he gave up altogether, exasperated.
“Ed,” Winry started slowly, propping herself up on one elbow to look him in the eye. “You know you can tell me. You know I’m going to make you tell me. Otherwise, I can’t help you. So, spit it out.”
That forced a dry chuckle out of Ed. Winry had always been straight to the point. “I just don’t feel like I should be here, that I even deserve to be here at home,” he told her. “I mean, I still have stuff to do, I still have to help Al. And I have enemies now. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, and made enemies along the way. I of all people don’t deserve to be here, enjoying myself. Not after all the suffering I’ve caused. And my enemies know it. I don’t want to bring them here, I don’t want them anywhere near you. It’s me they want, and I can’t entirely blame them,” he added. “People have died because of me. I never wanted that, and I nevre tried to hurt those people. But there are some that are going to make me pay. It’s what I deserve, anyway. But it’s not what you deserve. I don’t want them finding you here, I don‘t want to be putting you in danger.” Ed seemed to deflate into the grass, crushed by his guilt and worry.
Winry sat up now, ]staring at the stars, seemingly deep in thought. She was silent for a while, and Ed began to worry. What if she’s mad at me now? What if she wants me to leave because of all the bad things I’ve done? Well, I suppose I deserve it. But I don’t want to hear her say it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to.
Frantically, Ed pushed himself up out of the sweet smelling grass, ready to run, but Winry grabbed him by the arm before he even got a chance. She still hadn’t turned to look at him. He could have easily broken free, but something kept him where he was. Winry’s expression was more serious than he had ever seen it. She turned to face him now, dragging him down onto his knees, still grasping his arm, and looked him dead in the eye. “Don’t leave, Ed,” she ordered sternly. He gulped; those were the words he had always wanted to hear her say. “This is your home. And, sure, I know you need to go back and do stuff to help Al,” he lowered his head a little, and he thought he saw regret flash through her eyes at the thought, “but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come back. We need you here, Ed. Besides, it’s not like you meant to kill those people, and you definitely didn’t do it directly. You were just trying to keep yourself and Al alive. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I guess you’re right,” he sighed. He still wasn’t totally convinced. But at least Winry didn’t think he was a bad guy. And her opinion is what matters to me, he added to himself. Suddenly, Winry pushed him down and straddled him, sitting on his stomach. At least it’s dark, he thought fervently. She can’t see how red my face is now.
Winry hadn’t seemed to notice any change in Ed‘s attitude. She began bouncing up and down, apparently excited by whatever idea was running through her head, even though she was making Ed more nauseous every time she landed on his stomach. “So, Ed,” she began sweetly, “Can I have the watch now?”
He stared at her in disbelief. “Is that why you’re here!? Just for the watch!? Wow, thanks a lot, Win. I feel really special now.”
“Of course I‘m not just here for the watch, don’t be ridiculous.” she cuffed him lightly on the head. “I just think I deserve it now, that’s all. I mean, wasn’t that worth it? I helped you! So, now I should get to look at the watch!”
Ed sighed. “Promise not to break it?” She nodded eagerly, standing so that Ed could reach the watch inside his pocket. He heaved himself off the grass and pulled out the watch, dangling it in front of her. She made a snatch at it, but he pulled back quickly. The hast thing he needed was her ripping the chain off of his pants. He detached the watch from his chain and handed it to her, wondering idly in the back of his mind if he was going to regret letting her tinker with it.
She grabbed it before he had time to decide that yes, he was going to regret it. “Oh, thank you, Ed! Thank you thank you thank you!” She hugged him and ran off in the direction of her house. “Come on! Oh, don’t stand there moping,” she called. “Aren’t I worth it?” Ed just shook his head, taking off after her.
Yes, Winry, you’re worth it. You’re definitely worth it.
*****
“Brother?” Al asked gingerly, jolting Ed from his thoughts. “We’re almost at our stop. Are you ready?”
Ed turned to look at his brother, his armor was armor shining brightly in the artificial light. Pinako really gave him a good polish while we were there, he thought to himself. Al watched him, cocking his head to one side questioningly. Oh, yeah. He asked me a question, and now I’m staring at him. It’s amazing he didn’t leave me home with Winry and Pinako to get my head examined. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he grunted, standing up and stretching both of his arms above his head out of habit. He used to just stretch his one arm-metal doesn’t get tight- but people had started looking at him funny when he stuck one hand up in the air, like he was an idiot who was stupidly asking permission to stand up. He clicked his watch open one more time, pretending to glance at the clock inside. Al smartly turned his back, sensing that Ed wasn’t quite ready to get off the train yet and leave his thoughts behind. Ed ran his finger over the letters newly engraved on the inside cover of his token as a state alchemist.
Ed-
Come back here and visit us more often.
We miss you, and we want you and Al to come home as soon as you can.
Don’t forget us here in this lonely little town.
Love you forever and always,
Winry
