Hey Guys^^
As the title suggests, I've been so free that my mind is wandering off with loads of topics. I have been thinking a lot about really girly things as well. Its not like me but sometimes I think if relationships weren't forbidden, I'd like to be in one. I don't know why, I just feel like it. Every step of my life has been decided by my parents, now I want to see what it feels like to have another person, who depends on you and who you depend on for everything. Being in a relationship will mostly mean that nothing will be hidden from my partner because he'll be living with me! Yikes! *hides in a corner* I'm such a lone wolf sometimes, I don't like at all to share a bed with someone or let people touch my things. But I think it'll get different by time.
Maybe, I read a lot of novels but I also want the freedom of get out of my home by myself and travel and get my own home. But these all are just such delirious dreams! Humph!
But either way, for now I just want this time to pass! We live so financially strained, I can't get even simple things like buying clothes smoothly. Its just long and hard waits for everything. So, I really want to earn money as soon as possible and support my parents. Especially this month, I don't know how we're going to get through! My Dad will have to pay for my van and books and I just know that I'll be pushed around with the books a lot! All my life I've used others hand me down books but this time it'll be a whole new place. It'll be so awkward to ask my seniors for books! *groans* Because I just know that my Dad will have this brilliant idea. Dx
And, then there's this stupid wedding! We're so emotionally strained because of it, because my uncle is behaving in a very suspicious manner and my Dad is really annoyed and is saying that if my uncle tried something fishy he'll not take us to the wedding! Well, that'll save some money, but that may count as the end of my Dad's and uncle's relationship! Ugh, I hate my Dad's family. They're all such shitty people with egos the size of an ocean!
And, lastly, I want my self to improve more! Today my mom harshly declared that no matter how much I rebel I'll never get my choice in anything and this was for clothes! My whole life has already been written down by my parents and though I pine for freedom, I know I don't have that choice so I have to live with these compromises. Only yesterday I was foolishly declaring that I've controlled my stubbornness and obstinacy but in the end I still get irritated and snap at things! I need to stop that. I need to learn patience and endurance because I've got a whole life of compromises ahead of me. Please guys pray that I achieve my goals! :)
Ok, that's that...I'm sorry for ranting guys, lol...
So, tc
Bye for now^^
