I haven't given much thought to this site in a long time.
The only reason I did today was because i saw a post on facebook, of all places, that announced the passing of a beloved site member. I didn't know them personally, but the name was familiar.
I used to spend a lot more time on this site, and was passingly familiar with many usernames. Back then i was horrible at making friends so i never got close with nearly anyone but i knew usernames, i knew the presence they had.
So when i logged on for the first time in ages and i saw that not too long ago another user with a name i recognized had passed, my heart ached.
Part of it is nostalgia. In my hay-day, i had a lot of fun on this site. One of my best friends and i would spend hours on the phone reading quizzes to each other. I met one of my very best friends through this site, and we're still close and exchanging fan fiction to this day.
Another part is, as I get older, the reality of the end game sets deeper and deeper in, and hearing of people so close in age to myself passing away brings that reality to the forefront. I'm not trying to be morbid. As i get older and more things around me keep changing and my life starts to enter new seasons, it's hard to keep ignoring that at the end of the road, we all greet the same waiting shepherd. It can be hard or scary to sit on this fact and try to come to peace with it. some never do. but at the same time there's some comfort in it. but that's a different post for a different time.
Really, i guess i just wanted to make a post that sums up how i'm feeling. I'm sad because things are changing and i can see the artifacts of my yourh changing and evolving without me. I'm sad that two lights that, while on the periphery of my experience here, were part of my experience at all and now they're gone. but i'm happy for the reminder that untimely deaths bring me. remember to tell people you love that you love them. do things that make you proud. create things that fulfill you. be a light in the world whenever you can. above all, be happy.
