I don't know what's up with me, guys...Before, I was all hyper active, and i liked to think of myself as the ditsy one of an anime. But i don't know, now I completely lost touch with all of my friends, we used to be so close. Granted, they still are, but I guess I'm the odd one out. My "high-school debut" wasn't going well. In fact, it was as if i wasn't there. In the hallways, I wouldnt be the main attention, but me and my friends kept it HILARIOUS and really, thats all that I wanted.All that I needed. Half of middle school loved me, because i was nice, funny, sincere. And the other half hated me for being loud and obnoxious. I guess I never really had a taste of solitude. But here I am. THose that liked me, dont know what to make of me. When my name popped up in conversations, it'd usually go "Oh yeah!! Good friend" and now it goes "What happened? She so...different" and that other half? They don't quite know what to make of me either. I guess they don't hate me now. I ant believe that this is happening to me. I had a huge list of people that loved me, and now....well I just feel so lost and kinda chilled. I feel a kind of cold. Could it be loneliness? No matter how hot the water in my baths get, its always there. And then I find myself with silent tears. I always feel like crying. Not heaving, but just having a couple of silent tears fall. I completely lost myself. Before, my favorite color was RED, SCARLETT RED, BLOOD RED. And now? Grey. Concrete slab gray. Not silver, gray. And this loneliness constricts my throat, and brings it to a close. Now, I eat lunch, and I eat it with my only friend. My only other friend is in Texas. { i love you, Lili-pad...}
I need help coping with this, and no comments are needed, its helped a tone just typing this out
As for the title, I lost all self-esteem and self-confidence. No longer am I normal. I am timid and scared. I guess I am an anti-socialist. We took a quiz in a class today. It said that I was an introvert. The sub was an old teacher that knew me back then. She kept making me do it over and over and over again, she couldn't believe it. And each time I re-did it, my loneliness grew, and grew, and GREW because it kept coming out the same, telling me that I had changed. Confirming the reason why no one longer approached me.