I want to die, In my mind, and out loud.
You can see it in my eyes, even when I smile, you know I want to cry.
When I weap, you see these scars on my arms, and yet you stand there, laughing the day away as if you have nothing better to do than watch me fall...
I feel the razor sharp blades cutting into my skin. I see you there, watching all life pour from me...Draining all that was me into you. You know I know you, you know what was between us...That is why you laugh. To take all that I had left back...
You see me, hurting myself, letting me die. You leave me alone, secretly laughing at the irony, becuase you have a set of matching arms too. We lie together under this grass field that was once a field of dreams, our hands clasping, because even in death, true love never ends.
...But is it real...
I wake up on my bed, tear-stained face to see that your no longer by my side, instead, in the arms of him once more. Not knowing what to do, or how to react, I go blank. I see nothing. All I know is what I saw.
Later, I find myself holding the phone, hearing you cry and scream.
I remember now... I looked at the blood covering my closet walls. There it is... the knife I used. And ordinary kitchen knife. I knew it wouldn't last forever, but I never wanted it to end like this...I love you, I always have, and Always will... You rush over and find me in my closet. You hold me one last time in your arms...It feels like the summer again...When we first loved... Like I said, I knew it wouldn't last forever...But at least I get to die in your arms... You cry and scream for me not to talk in such a painful way. Even though I smile, you truely can see that I still want to cry. Even though I laugh, you know its fake...
Tell me, if you knew all of that...Then why didn't you know how much it'd hurt?
