Conclusions are things that should never be reached lightly.
Rain
Sakura anxiously paced back and forth, pulling her robe a little tighter around her shoulders as she did so. Again, she checked the clock – four hours. He was late… which wasn’t unusual, as she well knew, but he had never made her wait this long before.
Starting to feel really worried, she checked his note for the twelfth time. It definitely said that he was returning from his mission before midnight and would stop by her place … but, it was now nearing four am. Sakura knew that he wouldn’t have sent the message if he hadn’t been fairly certain of his return time estimate. His mission was finished and he was already well within the borders of the Land of Fire. Thus, the only conclusion she could make was that something must have happened – and, she couldn't think of a single positive thing that could have kept him. After all, he was just coming off a ten month long mission – it was common knowledge that shinobi tended to be quite amorous upon their return in such circumstances. Working under that assumption, she had even purchased a new nightie for the occasion. It was clean and simple, which, oddly enough, was what he liked, despite his rather questionable taste in literature.
In the hopes of ridding herself of some nervous energy, she crossed the room to her sheltered balcony and opened the doors, just as the sky opened up and rain started to fall. Sakura shivered a little at the sudden temperature change but chose to remain outside, pacing around the little patio table and chair where she often sat to enjoy a leisurely breakfast.
The later it got, the more concerned she became. Unfortunately, Sakura knew that there was nothing she could do to assuage her fears – Kakashi was an elite, one who had returned from more suicide missions than any of the jonin, and one who was known for his tardiness... Even if she were to take her concerns to someone, she would only be subjected to a patronizing smile and a pat on her head. Annoyed, she shook those thoughts from her mind to continue staring out at the rain, wondering what had happened to Kakashi. Suddenly, too jittery to wait any longer, she reentered her apartment. Allowing her robe to slip from her shoulders, she entered her bedroom with thoughts of trying to get some sleep – unhappily, she had to assume that, for one reason or another, he wasn’t coming.
After almost an hour of tossing and turning, she gave sleep up for a lost cause, got out of bed, and headed for her balcony once again. As Sakura stepped outside she squeaked in surprise. He was there, silently sitting at her table, watching the rain. Sakura could tell that he had gotten soaked in the downpour; he had taken off everything except his pants and hung it all to dry on the rack she kept by the door for her laundry. She guessed that he had been at the memorial and had once again lost track of the time in the rain. Then, looking at him a little more closely, she could see that he was thinner than she had remembered and it made her wonder just a little. It wasn't like him to lose weight, no matter what the mission.
“Kakashi?” she asked as she stepped closer to him – she was worried about his strange behavior, but also glad that he didn’t appear to be injured.
“You should have told me," he said in a flat and rather unemotional tone. "I nearly killed myself to get back in time... Found out at the gate that I needn’t have bothered.”
“What?” she asked, confused.
She waited for a couple moments, hoping that he would elaborate. When he didn’t, she moved closer to him, still unable to fathom his strange mood. He didn’t turn or even make a move to acknowledge her presence. Feeling even more concerned, she paused right next to him although she was unsure how to get him to look at her without actually reaching out and forcing him to turn his head.
However, as soon as she stopped moving, he turned and, easily slipping his hands around her waist, picked her up and slid her onto the little glass topped table in front of him so he could look her directly in the eye without standing and slouching. His face displayed a sort of resolved sadness.
“Kakashi? W-what’s wrong?” she asked, more than surprised at seeing any emotion on his face, never mind actual distress.
He reached out and gently laid a hand on her cheek; his eyes searched hers, as though looking for something important. After a moment, seemingly unable to find what he sought, he sighed and glanced away, allowing his face to assume a carefully neutral expression. “I heard that Sasuke returned the morning I left,” he said..
Her face brightened, and she missed the slight wince this reaction elicited from the older man. "Oh! That's right, I'd forgotten that you weren't here when it happened. Someone must have mentioned it to you in mission correspondence, I suppose." She smiled and sighed contentedly, momentarily distracted from Kakashi's apparent emotional difficulties. "It's good to finally have him back. I'd missed him, you know?"
Absently, he nodded, trying to ignore the pain he had known he would feel when the time finally came. The Uchiha had returned, and it was time for him to return what he had borrowed in Sasuke's absence. Kakashi had hoped, though he knew such hopes were foolish, that she might not gravitate unerringly toward their former teammate upon his return to the village; but, he had heard otherwise while he was away.
Still confused as ever with Kakashi's strange behavior, Sakura frowned. "Kakashi?" she asked hesitantly, unsure how to get him to talk to her continuing frustration, she had yet to learn the knack of making the generally uncommunicative man cooperate conversationally.
He sighed. "It's alright Sakura, I just wish you had told me. I really didn't need to hear it from the gossiping jonin on gate duty."
Puzzled she frowned a little. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. I didn't have a way to get a message to tell you once you'd left the village... Aren't you happy that he is back too?" she shook her head slightly, still trying to figure out what was wrong – she was missing something.
"It's clear that you're very pleased about it." His voice was tight with controlled emotion – though, Sakura couldn't quite guess what the emotion was.
"Of course I am! He was our teammate! I'm thrilled that he came back!" Sakura eyed him – she was not sensing his agreement in the matter and was starting to get a little annoyed with the situation. "You should be happy he's back, too! He was your student, after all."
To Sakura's surprise, he waved his hand negligently, apparently dismissing her statement and changing the subject. "I thought that you might have something you want to tell me..." His gaze returned to hers and held it as if searching, once again, for the answer of some unfathomable question.
"Eh, what?" she asked. Now she was feeling even more confused at Kakashi's actions. "I don't think so..."
"About while I was away?" he prompted, feeling a bitter sense of disappointment at her refusal to tell him what he already knew.
She shook her head. "Kakashi, I really don't know what you're getting at. What on earth has you so upset?"
He narrowed his eyes briefly, looking for any sort of feminine wile; upon finding none, he frowned. "I heard that you've been spending quite a lot of your free time with Sasuke while I was gone."
She flushed a little and he took that as the admission of guilt he had been seeking. Impatiently, he shoved himself up on his feet, so that he would tower over her.
"Kakashi?" She looked up at him, all thoughts of getting annoyed at his strange behavior lost to the more pressing concern of what could possibly have gotten him so upset.
"There is nothing important that you feel the need to tell me?" He looked down at her angrily, and she gazed up at him silently, completely surprised at his actions. Then, as Kakashi took in the confused and concerned expression on Sakura's face, his anger gave way to grief. The older man had known from the start that their relationship was doomed if the Uchiha were to return to the village. It was pointless to be angry with her. Deep down Kakashi knew the only one he could be angry with was himself for coming to care too much for her. Abruptly, he reseated himself with a sigh and ran one of his hands though his messy silver hair; his eyes narrowed slightly as he focused his gaze away from hers to focus on a point over her shoulder. "I also heard that..." despite how he felt for her, Kakashi couldn't help his voice from becoming dangerously soft, "you might say, a proposal was made..."
Sakura's eyes widened in shock as she finally figured out what he must have thought, but before she could rectify the matter he held up a hand to silence her.
"I always suspected that I was a stand in, a convenient temporary replacement," Kakashi said unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. "Sasuke and I are similar in many ways... I'd always told myself that I'd do the right thing and bow out gracefully. The problem is," he managed to catch her eyes with his, "I don't want to," he said levelly, watching her reaction carefully.
Too surprised to react, she sat there dumbly, unable to voice her opinion on the matter.
Taking her lack of a response as an indication of what she wanted him to do, he sighed and admitted defeat. "But, if he makes you happy... I will."
Completely dumbfounded that Kakashi had actually put voice to his feelings for once, Sakura simply continued to sit and stare at him as she struggled to collect her thoughts. She was even more surprised when she noticed that a few tears had slipped down her cheeks without her noticing. After a couple moments, she sensed that he was gathering himself to leave – she decided that she had to act quickly.
Hastily, she shifted her position so that she was kneeling on the table, and threw her arms around Kakashi just before he made a motion to push himself up from the chair once again.
“You foolish, foolish man!” she exclaimed. She couldn't prevent the tears from sliding down her cheeks and into his hair.
Confused, Kakashi hesitantly allowed his arms to close around her to pull her closer, unable to resist the pink haired woman whom he was sure he had lost.
It was a moment before Sakura could speak, and he didn't press her. He was unsure of what she would say – and not completely certain that he wanted to hear it.
"Kakashi..." whispered Sakura. "I... I turned Sasuke down. Got over him a long time ago and moved on... I didn't even think about it." A small part of her knew it would be wise not to mention to the silver haired man that the proposal had also been little more than a business arrangement – she would get to marry her childhood crush and Sasuke would get to begin rebuilding his clan. If the Uchiha was surprised when she declined, he was downright shocked when she told him why. After some getting used to on Sasuke's part, he quickly got over it and moved on to other women.
Surprised at her statement, the older man pulled back a little to catch her expression. A little of the pain he had been feeling eased as he found only honesty and sincerity in her eyes. Kakashi wanted to ask about all the time she had been spending with the dark haired man, but couldn't quite bring himself to do so for fear that it was all just a dream or a trick and that, by speaking, he would break it.
Sakura sensed his uncertainty and, given his cautiously hopeful expression, decided to enlighten him. "All that time I've spent with Sasuke while you were gone was spent studying his eyes," she explained gently. "I had hoped to find something to help with your Sharingan – I know it's been giving you problems lately and I wanted to help."
Kakashi gaped at her, still shocked that she had turned down the Uchiha heir. In all of his time spent thinking the situation over, he had never quite dared to hope that she might actually refuse Sasuke after spending years trailing after him and then pining for him once he was gone.
Sakura smiled at the faintly incredulous expression on his face and tweaked his nose, knowing she would probably never get another chance. "I made this decision a long time ago, Kakashi. I want you."
~*~*~*~
This one-shot is for paintbrushplushi. I found this of hers and just had to write something… so here it is. :) Not my usual stuff, but still okay I think. :D Lol, I am slowly branching out into other genres I guess – just don’t expect tragedy/drama/angst from me... er, ever.
