Love is a fickle thing in life. Life is a fickle thing to love. Here, I express what my life brings to me throughout my existence. Glimpses in the grey area are unfolding and offering you a cup of my reality. Welcome to my life.
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SOME INFO
I've actually been a member since 1/13/09
Name: Shayde
Age: 29
Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)
Sex: Male
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Hey guys I'm streaming Final Fantasy XV on Twitch. Here's the link if you would like to join. Yay link!
So, I decided that I was going to go out last nght. It's been a while since I've been to a night club so a couple of my old neighborhood friends, Matt and Eric, invited me out. We went to a place downtown (I forgot the name XD) and it was pretty chill. Not too much happened really which was fine. I wasn't really in the mood to dance or anything like that, nah I just wanted to catch up with these guys and have a drink. Apparently it was a good night for drinking where everything was like half off? Something like that. Anyways it was decently packed so it was a little noisy. And out of nowhere this drunk chick just comes over and sits with us with like four shots of whiskey asking us to shoot them with her. Hell I wasn't going to pass up on free alcohol so I definitely joined in XD I was already getting buzzed from having a few jagerbombs, but that didn't stop me. So we all joined in and she introduced ourselves to us and we did to her. Immediately she points to my band hoodie and says she is really into The Used as well and that she actually got to meet Bert, the singer, before a concert in Memphis a few years back which I thought was pretty cool. I told her about seeing them in Dallas this year with my ex. I guess that somehow set her off a little because she told me not to be a buzzkill because I mentioned that I had an ex that may have had the same interest as me. I'm just sitting there like "excuse me? It isn't a lie so what's the beef?" But I kept my cool and asked what she meant by buzzkill. And then she just goes "it's obvious I just wanna flirt with you." And I'm thinking in my head "the fuck? We just fucking met, and I'm not looking for a relationship with another person, but you don't need to be rude." So I told her off to just leave me alone and that she was being rude. And then she just scoffs at me and tells me to pay her for the drink. My friend Eric was telling her to just leave because she was obviously being hella rude. She flips him off and he just gets pissed and tells him to fuck off calling him an airstrip because he was jamming a short mohawk. Meanwhile Matt's just sitting there laughing his ass off at the comment and I'm just like thinking that it was probably just stupid to even come out. So Eric and this chick just argue and I get up to go to the restroom. I'm in the restroom doing my thing and then washing my hands and this guy comes out of one of the stalls. Turns out he's my old manager, Ray, at the casino I used to work at. So, we're talking in the restroom for a few minutes catching up a bit and then I leave to head back to my friends and the chicks gone. Eric's holding his face and I asked what happened. He goes "The stupid cunt just slapped the shit out of me right after you left and security threw her dumb ass out." Yo his face was red like fire truck red. So we leave and head back to Matt's car getting inside it and fucking like 20 yards away is that chick running towards us. Fucking Matt starts the car and peels out of the parking lot to get away from this bitch.
So yeah! That was my night. XD Not fun at all. Just kidding. It was ok. I'm glad I got to meet those two again. It's been a couple of years since I had talked to either of them.
There are over six billion people in our world and sometimes all you need is that one person to hold you close and say that they love you... that one lovely little star to shine their light on you to keep you from breaking and becoming so far gone...
Good news... ish... bleh? To those who have been concerned, yes I'm doing better. I still have depression issues going on, but not as bad as it was a few months back. Yes, I still have feelings lingering around and it'll probably be a good while before those start drifting away. I just try not to think about them a lot everyday. There has yet to be a day where I haven't thought about my feelings and such one way or another. But I'm just trying to get through the days, occupying myself with whatever I can.
Bad news... I'm really concerned about the little silky terrier companion that's been in my life for about 15 years now. He's been eating a lot less these past couple of days... I have a small feeling it'll be time soon... which is going to trigger a lot of grief in me... and I'm probably going to revert back to being alone and miserable... why does everyone have to leave me so abruptly? Yes, I'm considering a two year span small because it is in a person's life cycle if they live a full life. I mean I lost my grandfather last year, I lost my girlfriend a few months back, I lost a family friend about a month ago from cancer as well, now I fear I'm going to lose my dog soon. I really, really don't need this right now. I'm already fucked up as it is in my life right now. And I don't wanna hear this "Well you're not really trying to pursue anything right now" bullshit because if you'd fucking step in my shoes I've been having a lot more than death going on in my life. Sorry, I'm just really tense right now and worried about my little buddy... Hell earlier today I had him lying with me on my bed and I swear he took the longest time to take another breath after a long exhale... and what can I do? Nothing, but to love him and continue on as if he's going to live on forever. Sometimes, I wish he was dead. Not because it's unbearable to deal with knowing he doesn't have much longer, but because he's having such a hard time standing straight, walking straight, controlling his bladder and now eating... it's more of I feel so sad for him. He's been so so so healthy throughout his life and then literally this past year and a little over he's been struggling and it's just progressively getting worse... I'm scared that I'm going to wake up, walk out in the living room, see him, pet him and feel how cold he'll be... or find him in his doghouse bed in my parent's room and not come out when I call him...
my dad's probably going to take it worse mentally than I will. He's technically his dog, his very first dog he bought on his own. All the other pets we've had, my mom bought. But this was "DAD'S DOG" pretty much. He even told me that if we were to ever need to put him down, that if it became too unbearable, I was the one to take him to the vet... because he wouldn't be able to... the thing is... I don't think I'd be able to do it... that car ride... seeing his face... it'd be the last time I'd see it... I don't think any of us would be able to... that dog brought so much joy to all of us........ And I just can't see another animal family member die... I've lost my first dog to a car, my cat to a stomach disease... and I'm going to lose another one soon...
Heh, I wasn't expecting to have this post be so sorrowful... sorry about that...
I was never great at poetry, but I wanted to try and delve into this type of writing again. It's been a very long time since I've done one of these.
Blood-Soaked Thoughts
A love severed by a coarse knife
A rusted blade penetrating my skin
Remembering the time being together in life
Until the sharp pain sets within
Blood running down my chest
Chills running up my spine
My eyelids begin falling to rest
This will soon end and you will be fine
Memories created from the good times
Caress the cheek of my emotional stature
Where memories born as if to become crimes
Feast upon this hearts fracture
My heartbeat slows from every thought
Creating a fever as I start to lose breath
I don't regret anything that we brought
Not even after this pathetic death
As I lie here motionless in blood
My body starts to become cold
My storm of thoughts cease their flood
But there is one thing needed to be told
That even though I am now dead
There is something we all can see
That this life I wanted was in my head
And you are finally free from me
