Love is a fickle thing in life. Life is a fickle thing to love. Here, I express what my life brings to me throughout my existence. Glimpses in the grey area are unfolding and offering you a cup of my reality. Welcome to my life.
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SOME INFO
I've actually been a member since 1/13/09
Name: Shayde
Age: 29
Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)
Sex: Male
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Yeah, that love thing? It's still there, but I think it's gradually going away now. I dunno, there's times were I feel something and then there's times where I think I just wanna say fuck it, doesn't matter. So, yeah. I'm just getting tired of being yelled at about old shit. If you want to continue living in the past, fine. Be my guest. If I'm not bringing that shit up, then don't talk to me about it. If I'm not trying to start a fight, then don't fight with me. I'm trying my best to be genuinely nice, so quit trying to poke me. Nobody wins in the end and nothing progresses to get better. :/
So, since I've gained so much weight over the last couple of years I wasn't able to fit into any of my older clothes. The majority of my older clothes was a lot of black and some other colors whether that be shirts, hoodies, jeans, etc. when I got bigger I've only had a select handful of things I could wear. Literally you'd see me in the same clothes almost every week, THATS HOW SLIM ON WEARABLE STUFF I WAS HOLY SHIT. But.... since I've been losing weight I've been able to fit into some older clothes. Especially.... MY BLACK JEANS!!!!!! Omg I missed wearing them so much I was sooooooooo happy when I was like "you know, I'm going to try these on. I've lost a bit of weight, so let's see if my ass and thighs did the same. And. Oh. My. Fucking. God...... I became like the giddiest fucking schoolgirl ever~~~~~~ Granted, I'm still going to do my best to get back to 200 lbs, but oh my god. Like I really can't express it any other way other than oh my god. Like I could've sworn I squeed because I was that fucking gay about it. I'm just... Guys, I'm just super happy that I finally get to wear some of my old stuff. Being colorful is fun, but Ive missed wearing all black and such for the longest. And I can finally wear my Joker converse with something!!! FINALLY!!!
Everything I wore with them SUCKED. Blue jeans shorts, whatever. It looked so wrong with my previous attires. I haven't worn them in months, but I put them on today because I was looking for shoes to just go with what I was wearing and I pulled these out of the closet and was like "Okay, maybe they'll be different this time." And they were~~~ :DD Don't get me wrong, I still despise black rubber on converse and wish these were still white, but it did look a lot better with my older clothes. :D So, yeah! Yay me for losing some weight~~ I currently still have about 30 more pounds to lose, but I'm just happy about this right now. :333
I would put up a photo of them, but apparently my phone's pictures are either too big or too small or whatever. WELL FUCK YOU TOO THEN!! B( If you want to see them, here's my instagram. They're the most recent picture.
You know, more than half the reason I come to this site is gone now. What's sad is I'm still getting chewed from my posts and it's like I'm not even trying to complain in them anymore. I also still have people asking how I am doing and if I'm okay and that this shouldn't have happened. Was Tea's and my relationship really that big? Look, I get that back before we started dating everyone, literally EVERYONE, on chat knew it was going to happen. I'm sure that on both sides people were like "you guys should go ahead and start dating!" We did and it was a big deal for her and me. I understand that 4 years of dating seems somewhat like a long time, our relationship looked great in the beginning to you guys and I would like to agree. You know, the whole relationship was very mixed between us. A lot of it was great, we had great times. We've also had very bad times where we wanted to rip each other's throats out and feed the body to a pit full of cannibals. But, people... it's over between us. She's already stopped loving me and I'm not trying to pursue her. Yeah, I would love to be with her and she will always be in my heart, but it's not happening. And don't worry about us. She's happy right now and, in all honesty, I'm happy for her and I hope she finds someone who could do what I couldn't. And don't worry about me. I am grateful for all of you who are worried and care about my health and mentality. Yes, I have depression. Yes, it's the severe chemical imbalance kind of depression instead of the "eventually I'll get over it" depression. Yes, I am horrifically sad almost all the time now. Am I going to write more depressing posts? Most likely because that's how I am. Am I trying to tone it down? Yes. But don't worry about me because I will be okay. I'm not dead yet after all. XD Just please stop messaging me relating to my previous relationship. And if you're messaging Tea about the same thing, please stop. Neither of us really want to deal with the past couple of months anymore. You guys are great and I really appreciate wanting to help us, but we'd rather talk about how awesome anime is or music or whatever. Now's not a great time to be asking how we are in regards to the relationship or our current stance on each other. It sucks and I wish this all never happened, but it did and there's really nothing I can do about it right now. If somehow, and I mean that's a really really big "if", but if somehow we were to get better and start dating again, then it happens. We're not enemies, but we're not friends either. If anything were "talking" at the moment and right now that's as far as it's going to go. I have shit I have to prove before it gets any further and there's things I still need to do. But right now we don't really want to hear anymore about what has happened. So, please? Please stop messaging us unless it pertains to something else? <:3
No, not earth (even though I think it's needed). I decided to get rid of my comedy world, cuz I said so. I'm thinking about getting rid of RGO too, but eventually I'm going to start posting videos on YouTube so that world is really up for debate. But yeah I don't post in CUZ anymore and I don't feel well the need to keep it. I'm definitely keeping HOWL because I enjoy posting music and talking about how the song makes me feel or facts on how I encountered the bandbox and such. Hell literally a few minutes ago I placed an MCR song in it and talked about my encounters and such. So yeah CUZ is going. I've been thinking about possibly making another story world like I had on my old account. I've been in the mood to write stories again like how my old eevee story was. God I wish I saved those pages.... that was a really good story. Anyways, I haven't really come up with a plot just yet and I'm still in character development mode, but eventually I will end up with a story. So goodbye, CUZ. It was great keeping you around.
Murder the brain and burn the heart, your emotions die and turn to dust. Bury the passion and kill the dedication, your love stands still and becomes cold.
