Love is a fickle thing in life. Life is a fickle thing to love. Here, I express what my life brings to me throughout my existence. Glimpses in the grey area are unfolding and offering you a cup of my reality. Welcome to my life.
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SOME INFO
I've actually been a member since 1/13/09
Name: Shayde
Age: 29
Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)
Sex: Male
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These next few days are going to be my darkest.... This next week is probably going to be my darkest.... I hope I live through it... I hope I can keep on smiling after it's done.... I'm doing my best to keep my composure, to be an adult.... the demon in me is acting up, clawing at my heart, creating such a nullified sickness rotting away my emotions.... leaving nothing but emptiness... I'm shaking.... I'm so terrified.... I'm so fucking terrified.... but there's nothing that can be done.... I'm about to commit a scarring crime... I'm about to walk a path I never wanted to take in the first place... I knew it was going to happen, eventually... but... so soon?... why?... I've lost a lot of things in my life the were precious to me... this is no different... it broadens my knowledge of knowing that existence is just an unneseccarry event in the end.... probably a good reason why I have no fatih, why I don't believe in an almighty being, why I refuse to have a belief that existing has a reasonable purpose... darkness is consuming me... self-hatred will show it's prowess across my court... I will become nothing after this is done....
...A flame I have cherished and fueled for so long... for so many years... is dying... and will be completely extinguished... by my hands....
Depression kicked back in hard yesterday. I might be inactive for the time being. Just a small notification, nothing important. Drawing has been somewhat put on hold for now, so has everything else that I typically do on here. Whatever. You know, I do wonder why I get on this site anymore. There's barely anyone here to even say is regularly active, the chat has been gone which was like 80% why I came on here anymore back then, and most of the people I talked to on here moved on. Stupid thing is, I know why I stay here. The site was a big part of my life. It was literally like a second home to me. I met a lot of great people here, saw really enjoyable and creative art pieces, had fun in several RP worlds and even made a good name for myself. Meh, whatever. I know I'm not going to leave for good, but I will be away for a while. Anyways, catch ya later.
Today was a good day. I literally just got home (11:45PM CST) and I'm fuckin beat. I didn't fire any fireworks, but I had a blast at the river with my good friends, Lili and Jeremiah. It was great! I'm a little drunk! Jk, kind of... I did drink, but not enough to get shit-faced. Unfortunately, I have work tomorrow. :1 at least I have a three day work week. XD The days usually go by fast, so it was never really a problem anyways. But ANYWAYS! The river!
So, we went to the river where there was a small white sanded beach where we laid camp at. We swam around the area flowing with the current and drinking rum xD There were people literally about 30 yards away shooting fireworks so we got a show while swimming. But I think the best part about this trip was the fact that I found out I actually knew Lili quite some time ago. No, not like a childhood friend. She is from Arizona, after all. But we've actually met on Facebook in an RP group back in like 2010, 2011. We both like completely flipped out because we knew who each other was after giving each other's usernames. Like holy shit! One in seven billion chance, right?! XD Were still flipping out about it.
It was a great day. :3 I'm just glad I finally got to go somewhere that wasn't a house. That's literally all my other friends do. "Wanna hang out and do something?" "Sure! Let's do something!" And then I head over and we never go anywhere. It's gotten rather boring these days... but whatevs~
Also, I stopped over in downtown since there was a huge firework show going on. I parked, climbed up the stairs of a parking garage and watched the show. I got about a good ten minutes in before it stopped. It was pretty good. The whole was just good. -w-
Welp! Time to head to bed and enjoy going to work tomorrow. TwT
For the next 7 days I'm going to be dog sitting for my mom's cousin and her husband are on vacation. They have three little schnauzers named Ozzy, Brutus, and Sadie. Ozzy and Brutus are brothers and Sadie is the mom. My dog, Babygirl, is actually their sister. xD when I got here Ozzy snapped at my hand a couple of times when I came down to pet them. Plus they were non stop barking for like 5 minutes because I wasn't familiar to them at all. That is until I fed them each a treat. >:3 That'll warm up a dog to you fast. XD Now, Ozzy is literally like "Yo! You mah nig now. Keep em treats comin'." He's currently on my lap as I type this. :P the other two are still very cautious, but at least they aren't barking at me anymore.
I brought a couple of gaming consoles and some manga along with me so I wouldn't get bored, but I didn't realize their internet would be derpy as fuck. It'll recognize the password, but it won't execute any connections. It's annoying because I wanted to play with my friends, but it looks like I'll be in the dark this coming week. :/ l
They have a really pretty backyard. Like as if you're looking at a scene from a movie. I'm probably going to take a few pictures and upload them on instagram tomorrow. Also, THEY HAVE CHICKENS!! Looks like I'll have to be on chicken guard duty... Ed might come out of nowhere and try to steal mah chickens. And if you don't get that reference, then you're either too young or didn't have a fun and entertaining childhood. u.u
That's all for now! I have nothing else to say! Go away! Shoo, shoo! *motions hands* And dun steal mah chickens! DX
I'm excited for my trip at the end of July. Initially, I was going to go to AX over in Los Angeles, but decided to wait until next year. Again, sorry Patrick. ^^;; Definitely will meet you again next year. But I honestly didn't really want to go this year anymore. Too much shit kind of made me not want to go.
I'm heading to College Station in Texas to meet up with a couple of friends of mine that I've known for about 5 years now. It was their idea and I said fuck it. Maybe I can find a cute girl out there ;D Just kidding~ I'm not desperate for a relationship. :P If something happens, then it happens. Right now, I'm taking relationship approaches at a slow pace. I've noticed a couple of hits from both a guy and a girl I know. I'm actually really surprised I'm still getting hit on. o.o Maybe because I lost a lot of weight. XD I'm not really interested in either of them, though. I still get compliments about how I look...? More from guys than girls, though. XD But that's my fault for knowing a lot more guys than girls. It doesn't bother me, really. A compliment is a compliment no matter who it's from and I appreciate it all the same. Lol
I've been binging on anime for the passed few weeks. There's so much I missed! Like holy shit I didn't realize how far behind I was. *cough*fiveyearsworth*cough* It's not a big deal. Im enjoying myself enough to where I'm not freaking out over it or anything like that. Plus, I've been keeping myself occupied while watching anime by drawing. Yeah, I would post fan art, but TheO is being screwy and not letting me submit them. <3 I'll try again soon, but yeah. I might start just posting hem on Twitter or something since I'm on there a lot.
I'm probably going to leave my job soon.... because I found an even better one~~~ This new one involves working with chemicals in a plant as a lab inspector. And starting off I should be making about $70,000 a year which is a lot better than what I'm making now. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my coworkers company, mainly because they are just like me and are severely easy to talk to and joke around with, but I need something to help support myself now that I'm by myself. I'm ready to move back out of my parent's house, that was supposed to happen a while ago, but blah blah blah repetitive shit is repetitive. I need something the pats more so I can live on my own. I do still want to move out of state, but it'll probably be another year or two before that happens. Plus, I'm due for two raises and have yet to receive either one. I mean shit there are people that have worked way longer than me at my job and still get paid less than me. That's not a good sign.
Not too much in the gaming realm. Kind of just slowed down there. But when I do game, I'm mainly playing Breath of The Wild. That game is fantastic. So much stuff to do. Also, I've been playing Magikarp. That game is too addicting. I'm not really bignoj mobile games to begin with, but damn is that one addicting.
I may be voicing a character in a small animation soon~~ I'm super excited about that because I have been wanting to voice something for a while. Hopefully, it'll happen.
Not much else going on in my life, but I'm also not really pursuing anything. I will say it does get a little lonely, from time to time, but, you know, whatever. Right? lol I'll manage. Its not like I haven't gone through that before. :P
