Love is a fickle thing in life. Life is a fickle thing to love. Here, I express what my life brings to me throughout my existence. Glimpses in the grey area are unfolding and offering you a cup of my reality. Welcome to my life.
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SOME INFO
I've actually been a member since 1/13/09
Name: Shayde
Age: 29
Birthday: 3/14/91 (March 14th, 1991)
Sex: Male
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Ugh today is being a bad day. I couldn't work at all since I got worse over night, so I had to stay home. I might be going to the hospital later today if it progresses or gets any worse. I feel like death... like seriously, I feel like I'm going to die. The fever is making me so hot, sluggish, super groggy and depressed. Not only that is going on today, but feelings are too. Most likely because two of my friends over Xbox are having relationship issues and I had to talk to both of them last night about it. Well, talking to them and using my past relationship on what to do, what not to do, what could be done and what needs to be done as examples on certain aspects eventually started bringing up memories and such, but I didn't show it through the party. I wanted to help them. I've been helping one of them for at least two weeks now because her girlfriend really is a stupid bitch who has no ambition to do anything, but receive handouts from everyone and makes up the most stupidest excuses to get out of it. Seriously, they need to break up. But he can't because then she gets super depressed and claims she's going to self-harm and he's worried about that. I told him that if she keeps doing that that he needs to contact the authorities. Or just not give a damn and move on. I'm kidding, but seriously... all these talks with these two really bring up a lot of memories.
I miss my ex, almost everyday whether it's a big thing throughout the day or small thing. I wish we could just mend things rather than just letting go... Honestly, I hate how pathetic I've gotten over the last 6 months. I mean, regardless of the depression and the like, I really feel like I've matured over time. Hell, I've taken the reigns of my life back and am looking after myself a lot better, mentally (sort of??) and physically (besides being sick XD). I have a job again, am figuring out places to move, and a bunch of other things.
I doubt she even checks these anymore since it's been a while and she wants nothing to do with me. It's whatever. I like posting here again, even if it's not everyday. It's fun in its own way. Guess I can still dream though, right? Maybe one day this will roll over and we will at least be able to just talk about things. *shrugs*
I'm sick! Super exciting! Fuck! I woke this morning with a very dry throat which sucked ass. It stayed dry like that for literally 5 hours straight. I went through like 8 bottles of water from my fridge until it finally started calming down. During that time my sinuses decided they wanted to act up, so I have to deal with that now, too... I already knew what was going to happen to me today after that. A little while later everything started getting hot and then a headache ensued. Yup, I got a fever. Most likely picked it up last night while I was sleeping. I honestly thought I was going to be healthy all school year long, guess I'm wrong.
I'm not usually worried about anything when I get sick, other than getting other people sick in which case I typically cast myself away from human life, but why did it have to be on a Sunday? I have work tomorrow! Not only that, I'm still fresh blood to them, so I have to go. Damn it... I just hope they let me go home. I dont worry about going to work while feeling ill or things, I really don't want to get them sick or be an inconvenience.
So, I was cleaning out my car yesterday and found her brush in the door. ...God damnit! Why is it that I have no problem building up a good defense to not allow other people within my life, to shut them out, but when it comes to physical items or Memories I have to fucking breakdown so god damn easily. I really felt like I was moving on or at least starting to, but I guess I was just making myself numb this whole time. And fucking break up love songs don't help at all. Stupid New Age music... I swear I'm going to make myself so numb to the point where I'm going to stop loving and caring about people... and now I just wish this shit never fucking happened. Why does the human emotion have to be so frail? Still wish she would just talk to me. Where's a fucking reset button when need one?
Hey guys. So I started drawing Ayu and Jet, the main characters of Embers of The Eccentric (seriously thinking about changing the title). So far I have only done the outline, but it's coming out nicely. It's been a long time since I've drawn anything. I want to say the last thing I drew was a picture for Tea and that was like 3 years ago. I'm super rusty, but I'm remembering how much enjoyment drawing is.
It's hard the express the theme for this story. It's somewhat developed in a post-apocalyptic Manhatten or Los Angeles (location is subjected to change) where the surrounding buildings are crumbling, streets are cracked, plant life is taking over, kind of like how I Am Legend was, but more smog and darkness. I really wanted to give it somewhat a gothic type of feel which I'm trying to portray through these characters and story.
I've been doing okay these last few days. I'm still fighting depression like a bitch, but I'm really trying to not let it hinder me from doing this story. I really want to get this story going... but yeah. Anyways, I'll catch you guys later.
Yup, you read right. This song makes me want to do drag. Like I'm not even kidding. I highly... HIGHLY feel like doing drag and making a cutesy music video for this song. I've got nothing against drag, I think it's a great art form that's a little under appreciated. I just never expected myself wanting to do this. *waits for the "Nigga you gay!" reply... remembers that I'm not dating Tea anymore* oh yeah~ XD Anyways, I want to get a few friends into it, also. I just know it'd be a lot harder to get them to dress up in cutesy girl clothes than it would for me. Maybe I'll bribe them with cupcakes and cookies. I dunno. But if I really go through with this I want it to hit big. But yeah! Here's the song :P
