Today has been a bad day for me. My mind is so clouded its unreal. I got back in medication because during the past few years I couldn't focus on anything. I literally had a one track mind and wasn't able to retain anything that happened or what was said to me very well. All I could think of was the "present" when it was. Hell it was so bad I forgot shit within several minutes o f being told.

I was diagnosed ADHD back when I was younger and I was really hyper. Today in my life, I'm a lot more mature than I used to be (I still have my moments), but the ADD is still there. The doctor told me that you can grow out of being hyperactive, but I'm still forgetful and clueless. So he put me on medication. i shouldn't have gotten off of it in the first place. The only reasons I got off of it was because it made me depressed easier and I felt like I didn't need it anymore.

Since I was off of my medication for so long we ha to start at a small dosage again. Honestly, throughout my life I've been on several medications, each leading to a very high dosage, switching until I found the right prescription and dosage. I'm scared I might have to do this again. I'm not even the one paying it; my parents are. I feel really bad because they're paying so much for me and we have so little money. No, we're not poor, dad has a well paying job and we own a business, but it's extra money that we can't really use and they're using it on me. I've been trying to find a job to help them pay or bills and such, but the economy is so shitty here and the military wont take me in because I was diagnosed with a disability (which I find so stupid).

So I really hate myself today because I'm fucking up a lot of things and a few people are getting hurt because of me. And I don't even mean to hurt them! Everything I've said was unintentional. I just can't think straight today... Hell I apparently gave my mom an attitude and I didn't even realize I was. I didn't mean to, but I was and I feel really bad for it... I feel really bad for hurting her. She and my father have done so much for me and I'm not doing anything to repay them... Today's just an awful day to do anything....

I'm really sorry for everyone I had hurt.