I don't know what to do.... I'm probably about to lose someone that I really really care about.... I'm trying to act mature about it, but deep inside I really just want to cry like a fountain..... My stomach's turning inside out and my throat's choking up to the point that I can't breathe easily.... I have to put on a mask around everyone else just to fake sanity.
I've been trying better for this person and being supportive on what they want and such, but in their eyes it's like I'm doing nothing for them. And now they might get rid of the bond we have... I really am doing the best that I can. They say I'm not like my old self, and I know I'm not. I try to be, but I just can't when they get mad at me and such. Instead I curl up in a ball, on the inside, and cry. I really care for them and I don't wanna lose them. :(
I just don't know what to do in situations like this. I don't know what to do or say when we fight. I was taught to not do anything and let it calm down, but it doesn't calm down until something horrendous is said to the point that one of us breaks... I'm doing my best to keep calm right now, but I really just wanna rip my face off.
I mean I get that it's my fault at times and I should be the one to fix it, right? But what do I do when you're fixing style just doesn't work? You do what they want when they want it fixed, but sometimes they change their mind and want it a different way, which makes them even madder at you. So it's like how are you suppose to know that? You don't. And it sucks because they expect you to know, but in all honesty, you don't know because you didn't notice. So the guilt falls on you even more... In my case, The guilt not only falls on me, but it makes me feel even MORE worthless and not capable of doing anything.
Sometimes I just wanna die. Of course, I'm not really ever going to commit suicide, but the thought of wanting to be dead lingers at times. When that happens, I just shut myself down and act all bland and boring until it goes away.
I really want to do better, but I don't know where to start and I'm afraid of what the outcome might be when I try... :(

*sighs* I'm just gonna go ride my bike to help calm myself down and think more clearly.