I miss her, guys. I wish she would just talk to me. These mornings have been very lonely, and I miss seeing that face and hearing that voice... I even miss seeing the texts. I wonder if she misses me at all. Probably not. She made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. I've been wanting to go to places for a while now, being home all the time is getting to be boring, especially by myself. I thought it would be better, but hell even like right after she left I wanted to go to places. My friends are either busy, or my depression kicks in more and I just don't want to go anywhere. I just wish she would talk to me. I hate this so much.
Yesterday while I was at the store I thought I heard her say my name, but it was just some damn girl talking about baking... I almost broke down and cried there I was so excited... but I kept my composer and kept shopping. I really have nobody to talk to about this which is why I just post them here. What sucks is I had a gift planned in my head for her when she gets back or when I went there or just whenever we had gotten to see each other again... I think she would've liked it, but I was never really great at gifts lol
I've been improving myself, besides having to weave through depression. I've been thinking about things that piss me off and instead of just getting mad, I've been figuring out how to resolve them instead. Plus, I lost 10 more pounds in the last week and a half, even though that's just from not really eating much and not going out to get food all the time. So that's good. I just wish she was here to see the slow improvements.
I still wish I had just called her that day. It was my fault; I got distracted in doing something else rather than talking to her, but that's no excuse. That's pretty much how our last argument started. I'm still waiting and not messaging her. but I really, really miss her. My heart and stomach are still hurting, thanks to myself, but I'm still standing strong, hoping.