...........so I just read my exes recent post..... I haven't really been bothering her... the last time I tried to contact her was a few days ago just to see how she was.... even before that I've been leaving it alone.... what the hell is going on? Yeah, I miss her a lot, but I mean what did I do to deserve so much hate?.... I know i was not that great of a boyfriend and all I wanna do is better myself now so I can be... for the most part I've been trying to stay out of her hair.............. what the hell, Tea?..... I'm not even talking to other people about you besides Jeremiah really and even to him I haven't been saying you were a bad person, I haven't been doing anything, but bettering myself.................. So why are you being this way towards me?..... I'm out of your life for the most part, I've been leaving you alone. Like I said the last time I bothered you was practically a simple "Hello"............ and now you're acting as if I slaughtered your family........ I've read your posts and you've been saying you pretty much want the best for the both of us, but now you're giving all this negativity. I know what I did during our relationship, I know all that happened, I regret leaving you alone, not being there always to support you. I fucking know all of this............ I've been doing my best now..... the very least I wanted was a little acknowledgement.......... I don't even know what the hell youre talking about! Maybe the reason everyone is talking about me to you, about us, is because they're concerned! I just wanted to fucking better myself..... Fuck dude I even said if anything I'm just looking for your damn friendship. I said like fivr times I'm not looking to get back together right away. If it happens then it happens. I wasnt trying to reignite any feelings, I wasn't trying to pressure you into getting back together with me. And since everyone apparently is pressuring you, you're most likely saying a lot of shit about me to them! I may have done stupid stuff while we were together, but at least I haven't been fucking talking about what you've done to me as well! I've been saying you're a sweet girl! I've been saying you're the greatest thing that happened in my life! I haven't been saying SHIT about you. I haven't been shit-posting about you like you have before! And you know what? I've been taking 99% of the blame as to why this relationship wasn't entirely holding up. But the truth is, it's about fucking 50-50! And you know what sucks? When I finally realized what "I" have been doing wrong this whole time, what I needed to do to make us work better, you fucking snap after I broke up with you. I didn't fucking mean to break up with you, but you were fucking holding personal shit over my head! I admitted and regretted that shit about my relative, I regretted anything I said about mine and yours. But you can't seem to give a fucking break, can you? I may have mentally bent you and I'm SO, SO, SO fucking sorry, it wasn't my god damn intention to have that happen to you, but what youve done to me? You know why I never bring any of that shit up in my posts? Because nobody else needs to know. It's not their business! It's shit between you and me. And I'm sure as hell you've been talking to your group about me like you always do. Fuck I don't even tell my parents what you've done to me. I don't tell anybody what happened and if they see things and ask me about it, I fucking lie to them. I wanted this to work a lot more than you think. And you know what the fuck is sad? I'm still waiting! Because I still want this to fucking work! Excuse me for still loving you! Excuse me that my feelings are still intimately the same! EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING MY GOD DAMN BEST TO BE WHAT I SAID ID BE!

....what the fuck, man..... all I wanted to do now was to be the best I could be for you...... what's so wrong about that?..... what's wrong with realizing my faults and fixing them?....... The sucky part about this post is I'm going to regret even typing all of this up and I'm most likely going to remove it and apologize about it..... I mean shit I've been writing posts about myself not even for a fucking pity party. If people fucking feel bad for me that's on them, but nobody has so what's your problem with my posts?... they're not even about you they don't say anything irrational about you, so it's like what the hell?..... Hell im fucking sitting here playing with the phone charm you gave me, holding in my fucking tears from reading what I read.... I just don't get it, dude....