These next few days are going to be my darkest.... This next week is probably going to be my darkest.... I hope I live through it... I hope I can keep on smiling after it's done.... I'm doing my best to keep my composure, to be an adult.... the demon in me is acting up, clawing at my heart, creating such a nullified sickness rotting away my emotions.... leaving nothing but emptiness... I'm shaking.... I'm so terrified.... I'm so fucking terrified.... but there's nothing that can be done.... I'm about to commit a scarring crime... I'm about to walk a path I never wanted to take in the first place... I knew it was going to happen, eventually... but... so soon?... why?... I've lost a lot of things in my life the were precious to me... this is no different... it broadens my knowledge of knowing that existence is just an unneseccarry event in the end.... probably a good reason why I have no fatih, why I don't believe in an almighty being, why I refuse to have a belief that existing has a reasonable purpose... darkness is consuming me... self-hatred will show it's prowess across my court... I will become nothing after this is done....

...A flame I have cherished and fueled for so long... for so many years... is dying... and will be completely extinguished... by my hands....