Pierce -
I had ran from the cave, but I wasn't heading back to...that corpse. Nuh-uh. Never again.
I hadn't wanted to tell Jake that I couldn't go back to her. She was dead. She'd never need anyone...let alone me ever again...She wasn't mine anymore, even if you assumed I had her to begin with...
Hah. I grinned harshly as anger coursed through me. Hey, I had stopped crying. I learned my lesson. Never cry in front of that group. Then all you ever sense is pity and scorn. Useless.
I growled, the only way I could communicate right now with all of my turning emotions, 'Don't blame yourself for what happened'...Feh. That was a bit of a letdown. You're all the same mindless soul, after all. No matter what happens, you'll always feel...what? Obligated, is the best word. You'll feel obligated to say the damned stupidest things, even if it's only because if you say nothing at all, you'll be put down as a 'bad person'.
I sneered. A mean gesture, but who it was pointed at, I really didn't know. Probably me, but hell the rest of the world was probably caught in the sheer contempt of it, too. I sat down in the snow, continuing my mental rant set out to torture any mind reader in the world. Hah...It's excusable if you mean it...but only if you mean it. I've only met one living person who thinks about what they say, and only says it if it's sincere and she means it and it would help...But, y'know what? Screw it, she's dead now, too. Just like my parents. Just like her brother. Just like anyone's who's ever really cared about some poor idiot like me.
Everyone else? Oh, for a while I did try to make friends. They ran. Said I was crazy. Had the most hilarious reactions as they fell for my ploys, but in the end, either hated me, or were scared of me. Those who I tried to greet had no time for some 'beggar punk', and it usually got me into fights when they couldn't accept that I wasn't afraid of harsh words, or didn't care enough to argue when they yelled that they had to be somewhere and I walked away. So, either way, they left me all alone. And, hey, I smiled and sent them on their way. They didn't matter to me.
My Gods, I hate people. I hate their narrow-minded thoughts. I hate their ignorant, paranoid reactions. I am the Puppeteer, and people are my unknowing puppets. I can predict any reaction in the group, as can I cause it.
I frowned and began playing with the snow, trying to distract myself from these hateful thoughts that wouldn't stop. I didn't like where this was going...They don't realize that I have them all figured out. I observe. I listen. I begin to know things that I not only don't ever want to know, but crave to know...They are the strings to my puppets.
Nearly anyone in the group. I could make lose control. I could soothe or console. My empathetic curse is too strong for my own liking, and it's often too easy to fill in the blanks left open. They are my dear puppets and I hate them all.
Honestly, I want them to hate me, too. I don't deserve trust. I don't deserve anything. I have no loyalties to them now. No loyalties to anyone. I don't care. Why wont they realize that? I'm not suicidal; but, if I died, I wouldn't regret it. I'm not a murderer; but if I killed someone, I'd feel no remorse. I've no limits. I should be that of a nightmare, because I have nothing to stop me, so no matter what, I'll always win.
Loser's always win. They have nothing they can lose.
I sat in the snow, mouth agape. I continued sculpting the snow, trying again to distract myself. Look, okay, I know I sound pretty crazy by now, but...that's not the magnitude of my thoughts. Nowhere near. Sure some of it's pretty damned spot-on--more than I'd like to admit, in fact. But...my mind isn't that one-sided, I mean come on! Gods...I shook the thoughts out of my head. That kind of self-righteous crap should be saved for the people who live by that kind of ignorance, or at least believe it, thanks.
Heh...I guess that's all what I want to believe. Hate, hate, hate--blah blah blah. Gods, I can't even listen to it coming from myself. I might go crazy if I hear it from someone else again.
Yeesh. I can sit and pretend all I want to. 'I hate everyone' 'No one matters to me' Bah, don't be such a baby! If I hated hearing it from others, I loathed hearing it from myself.
Alright...look, here's how it is: I may be the Puppeteer, but I am by no means anyone's master. If I was I would promptly kill myself. But, I'm not, so no worries. Anyway, I can torture people mentally, get inside their heads--the angry voice of ignorance wasn't wrong when it said that because I listened, I had some control over people. I really do have them figured out, but...I couldn't really use it against them.
They are my beloved, despised puppets, after all. And, though I may tug at their strings and cause reactions just so I can have something to grin about, I'd never be able to hurt them.
I smiled sadly, Gods, this sucked. I was fond of this group. Even if they hate me, I'm still attached to them. Wouldn't call it love. Nah. I don't love things. 'Cept maybe doors...and sand. They deserve love. Anyhow, I sort of like this group, so I'll stick around til I see Harmony.
Pfft. Yeah. That'll be the day.
...
...
I smiled dryly, looking at the snowman I had created. It was pretty impressive, and very intricate. I was an artist, after all.
A marionette...that my hands were frozen to.
"AUGH!!" I screamed, tugging at my hands, trying to free them from the icy puppet. It occurred to me then that all this cold couldn't be healthy for me...or my hands. I could die if I didn't find anyone.
No! Not when I had just found my will to live!!
I looked around, and saw a figure coming my way. I sighed. I can keep composure well enough now. So, everything will be fine...If they help me, and I don't freeze.
"Heeeyyyy~! You! Yeah, you with the face!" I called, hoping my fine charismatic expertise would draw them in. Yeah, right.
"Uh-huh, you! I need help!! My hands, they're kinda stuck, and--HEY! Don't you even dare walk away, I might die, and today hasn't been great for me already, and--AUGHHH! YOU WALKED AWAY!" I screamed, hitting my head against the icy ground (I was sitting down). I glared at the snow and pouted, then called to the retreating figure, "It's me! Pierce! You better be getting help, 'cause if you're leaving me to freeze I'll be so pissed that I'll melt the damn ice myself then come and hit you with a rock!" I threatened, then slumped down. Now we play the 'let's not catch hypothermia' game.
I shivered violently, this game was so hard.
~~~
Hey...someone should help him...he's stuck, and probably insane. :P
No, seriously, otherwise everyone will forget about the poor cow. XD
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