Ennis -
Dark times lead t' dark choices.
Yer hair is gettin' longer an' longer--ratty 's it's e'er been in'na past ten years. Ya ne'er would let me get near ya with a hairbrush, bu' t'night's dif'rent, ain't it?
I know yer awake. Bu', as I drag one'a our fringe'd, dirty combs through yer too-long, too-dirty hair (brown fer th' moment, an; meebe e'en fer th' day)--tryin' hard not t' pull it an' 'wake' ya--I don' really care.
T'night's dif'rent.
Ya miss 'im. Yer best friend. Th' one who made it in. Ten years t'night, is'nit, Kai? I know 'how 'ard i' is t' lose people ya love. I know 'ow 'ard i' is t' watch'em mourn o'er past loves, too, though.
I sen' Benny t' bed early. She's gon' tell Brooklyn I'm punishin' 'er--Brooklyn ne'er liked me much, anyway, ya know--an' Imma get an earful in th' mornin'.
Yer gon' try t' stick up fer me, but Imma lose 'nyway, 'cos I'm human, an' tha's wha' humans do.
I don' care. It's enough t' give ya m'cheap, pseudo comfort as I try t' live up t' the hellhole Pierce left in yer heart.
Was he jus' yer pal, Kai? Was 'e really?
I'll pr'tend 'e wasn't more, Kai. I kin swallow m'own lies bet'er n'I kin take yers.
Ma use t' tell me, Kai. Dark times lead t' dark choices.
I di'n't know th' ol' bat knew wha' she was talkin' 'bout.
Ha.
Yer hair's lookin' a li'l be'er--beginnin' t' resemble th' silky, straight curtain ya used t' 'ave, in th' stead o' yer developing dreadlocks.
Sumtimes, people ask'd 'ow life was.
I ne'er got t' answer tha' question. Kai would step in wi' 'is generic, over-enthusiastic assurance o' perfection we di'n't 'ave.
I wanted happiness for m' baby 'nd Kai.
M'baby wasn' a baby n'ymore, a'course. A teen...che. Ne'er though' I'd see'a day when I'd be a dad a'all, obviously.
She hates me, o' course.
Wha'cha gon' do?
'Nymore, no 'good' 'alfer likes humans. Kin ya blame 'em? M'a li'l glad Benny knows enough t' draw lines like tha'. She'll do fine wi' th' others, long's she knows which side she's on.
It's not my side, tha's fer sure.
No one likes a traitor t' their own race.
I looked up a'th' sky. Look'd like i'was 'bout mornin'. Kai's 'air wa' beginnin' t' look less like a nest an' more like 'air, so tha' was good; e'en if'e still wasn' sleepin'.
There wassa bit o' a rustle outside th' window in our big house, full'a countless 'alfers o' dif'rent shapes an' sizes--all brought 'ere in disgust o' m' own species.
I sigh'd. "Tha' you, Brooklyn?"
There wa' a'minnit o' silence b'fore th' girl wi' long, white 'air, yellow highlights, black spots an' all. She looked a'me, an' then a'Kai, 'sleepin'' in m'lap, an I look'd t'th' sky, sigh'n again.
I di'n' wanna meet 'er eyes.
I di'n't like t' meet any 'alfer's eyes, after all.
"Mornin', Brooke. Now'sa bit'tuva bad time. Kai gettin' sum shuteye an' all." I threw on m'usual goofy grin. I wa' used t' it, y'know? Fer nine years now, I'd been used t' it.
There wasa minnit o' silence, an' I almost though' she left. Almost.
"Where's Benign?" Yup. This wa' where our conversations usually went, if Kai was out.
"Bed. Obviously. It's dawn; I don' care wha' day it is--can't let'er stay up too late. Imma good dad, y'see?"
"Mhm."
I look'd back down t' Kai as 'is eyebrows furrowed in dismay.
Why're ya surprised, Kai?
I'm not th' one they wanna talk t'.
Th' silence drug itself on fer too long. I woulda sed sumthin', usually. Bu' fer sum reason, I couldn'. Not t'night.
M' mind wandered to Brooklyn. A traveler. Like we used t' be, Kai n' I.
I wa' overcome wit' wha' musta been jealousy 'o tha' life. M' mouth moved wi'out m' mind's permission.
I laugh'd dryly.
"I dunno 'f I kin take this." I breathed. "This...isn't m' story. I'm notta halfer. I'm'n enemy. Haha. I dunno if I kin take 'nother year o' watchin' ya fall apart o'er yer...yer ol' best friend. An' our daughter...Benny blames me fer th' world she 'as t' live in, Kai, m'daughter hates me. Ha. Thisis jus'...so funny t' me, Kai." As I spoke, I lift'd 'is 'ead from m' lap wit' dif'cult gentleness, watchin' 'is expression twist 's 'e tried t' decide whether t' keep feignin' sleep 'r get up an' talk me through this. It might'a been th' last straw, really. Choosin' t' lie an' save face o'er me, in th' end.
I laugh'd again, standin' up. Wow. This wasit, huh? I was givin' up. "Thisis yer show, Kai. Play th' hero. Find yer buddy. Betcha 'e's been lookin' fer ya all along. Me, I'm gone. I give up. I can't be look'd at like...like I'm human, e'ery time I walk out th' room. I can't stand our li'l girl...lookin' at me like m' scum. I can't do it, Kai, I can't...sit 'ere an' watch ya...jus'..." I made a low, derisive noise in th' back o' m' throat, "Fake sleep while I up an' go. I hope ya find happiness in Pierce. I obviously couldn't 'old it fer ya." It was th' mild-mannered equivalent o' throwin' up m' hands n' screamin' at th' top'a m' lungs.
Brooklyn still wasn't speakin', Kai was jumpin' up, an' I was stormin' out th' room. Why 'ad I stayed fer so long? Ten years.
Wasted onna dream tha' I wasn't e'en welcome in.
Gods.
Kai wa' finally talkin' t' me now, tellin' me not t' go, not t' leave 'im...I couldn' be serious, righ'? I was Ennis. I was th' stray.
'E was kinda right. I di'n' wanna leave.
"I can't stay 'ere, Kai." I stop'd dead in'th' halls, watchin' sleepy halfers poke their heads out their doors, wonderin' wha' th' problem was.
"Don't, then." Kai blurted out too quickly, catchin' up at last. 'Is words were jumbled an' shakin'. "I'll come with you. We'll take Benny, we'll go, Ennis. Right now, just us. If it makes you happy, anything, En, really, please, don't go, not tonight, En, gods, please."
Welp.
Tha' wasa bit easier than expect'd.
"...Really?"
"Really."
"Serious?"
"Serious."
"Mhm?"
"Mhm."
"I love ya?"
"I love y--" There wasa long pause before I felt two arms wrap 'round m' shoulders, an' a strain'd voice repeat, "I love you. I'll find another owner and we'll leave, if you were truly serious. We can pack up and be gone within a week."
Any other night, I might'a argue'd. Told 'im 'e di'n' 'ave t' do tha'., Sed I 'ad overreact'd, an' I was fine 'ere.
Bu', this wasn't a normal night.
T'night was dif'rent.
--
AUGSHFGhdsgh
That took forever to write. :w;
I thought I'd tell you how my other OCS were doinnnn' <3
Omnom.
I'm sleepy.
