Your own cause of hate

Fan Words:Challenge:To Yourself Four Years Ago
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"I can’t believe it has already been four years. I see you have kept your promise. You said you'd be back to enlighten me with your knowledge of the world and here you are standing in front of me. You're a couple of feet taller, and your hair is longer. Though your body is strong, your spirit no longer subsists. The colors of your eyes have faded and there are no true meanings behind you smiles anymore. Tell me, what happened in those four years?"

"I envy you. You have this big heart, open to the world. You knew nothing of hate, you were socially involved, and you always laughed constantly. You have everything I want. But the truth of the matter is, we are two completely different people and I'm having trouble accepting the fact we share the same body. My dear, life isn't as great as it seems. Sure there are people who become successful, those who fulfill their dreams, and those who are lucky, because unlike you they didn't have to experience the misfortune and pain you will be experiencing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Over the course of time your eyes will become veterans to the world, your ears no longer virgins, your heart will grow cold, your mouth dirty, and you will have the urge to desensitize yourself from all feelings. You will start to hate, and your outlook on life will become bitter. What you love will become the thing you despise the most. You're at a constant battle with yourself; torn between reality and fantasy. You lose sight of who you are and you become confused, and because of this you realize perception is a lovely hand to hold. You begin to break down and your independence will cease to exist. You'll become dependent of people and it will make you angry. You take your anger out on those closest to you. People no longer have to read between the lines to understand you because you're now an open book. You’re embarrassed because you wear your heart on your sleeve and you can't hide it. All in all you’ll begin to see the world for what it really is.
The friends you have now, leave them. Leave them before they hurt you. They were nothing but trouble, dragging you down in their own demise. You'll feel lonely for quite a ridiculously long amount of time, but trust me, you'll find friends in the future that will treat you better and you will appreciate them for it. Though they may not be the type of friends you had in mind, they’ll point you into the right direction and they’ll keep your head straight. They will become the stepping stones towards the foundation of trust. Stay focused in school. You have a bright future ahead of you. You’re a lot smarter than you think. One important thing, you have no one in the world you owe so much to but your family. I understand they can be a pain, but when all hell breaks loose, who stands by you when the world turns its back on you?
There will be times when you shut yourself out because you give up. The pressure you put apron yourself is too much for you to handle. But, there is one thing that always surprises me. And that is no matter how dark of a place I was in, there was always hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for a better anything. It was the one thing that I couldn’t get rid of. I sometimes would wonder if it was because of you...”

It was a nice summer afternoon, but suddenly clouds filled the sky.

“I apologize for putting such a burden on you”

Just like that, she disappeared. I sat on a bench and lost track of time. Realizing the sun no longer shined, I walked home alone. The whole conversation played over and over in my mind. I felt I had my future laid out in front of me. A closed door no longer closed. It was now a knowing mystery. If I had wanted my future to be predicted I would have gone to a fortune teller. I wanted to punch a wall…

“She didn’t enlighten with anything! She came with nothing more than regrets, and then left me with apologizes!”

I began to believe this was the turning point, because when I went home that night, I began to hate myself.