There must be another part to this dream that I can't let go of
But somehow it keeps getting interrupted.....
"Even with this vague helping hand,
In a split second the cocoon's threads are torn apart and turn to ash"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poems that lurk in the darkness of my mind will find their peace on this digital paper.....
~Aizome~
we all seem to fade
wearing each of us a mask
moving awkwardly after the rythm of a tune
we barely hear
[yet it is so strong]
our strings and bolts,
the stage lights
a grin so superior hovers above us
[and we shout in fury, riots outstand]
we are not blind
we acted, but did not mean
and now
we take the scissors and
[cut them thread by thread]
we
are
freedom
no longer will i follow these lies,
every doubt and thought smeared
we hold each other tied together
a torch rises, the moon shines
after this painful mascarade
a healing caress.....
[it will follow]
There is no beginning, nor an end
the skies are filled with ravens floating
the evening falls, and rains will drop
please pray they won't turn into grief~
... january's silver, tormenting thoughts,
the ice ties one's ways
and puppets will cut their strings tonight~
overfloating beauty
scattered in the sky
lighting the night
with a pack of stars
in her tail
She is the phoenix
a flame widely spreading wings
to cover the clouds
protecting my heart
sister of hearts
[mourning the past]
i dance, am not afraid
as i sing a lullaby
and tie knots
secure this swing
which swayed our childhood days.....
here we come,
on the steep hills
~moonlit, serene~
i let myself in the wind's caress
from east and south
this veil tainted with dreams
we lose with age
we take each others' hands
and grip, and turn
holding us tight
like dancing in circles
a waltz with no music,
just wind in your wings
and breeze in my hair
no other sound can tare us down
we are two souls heading for the stars
your eyes keep them safe
my heart locks them in
~this is a dream
we long to fulfill in winter's gates~
~the stars fell to the ground last night,
in the snow on your lashes now i notice
threads of the stars we reached out for~
~smile, dear child
the sky is yours to scout and keep~
it tares me open
i cannot speak
i reach for you
you turn away.....
i cry, i die inside screaming
outside i close my eyes and sigh
[it's silence
cold
fear
dampness]
....
i am losing you once more
i again am the one to blame
i opened my mouth to speak
and made it all fall rapidly apart~
shame on me,
to expect your help
you sympathy,
your smile
and greet
for you i am foreign
i have no soul
[i am as empty as a word].....
is it not fair to ballance love
with the tip of our fingers
scattering around the eve
when i don't see so much of you
my heart wishes to see you friend~
you let me down, i let me down
i bite myself for all mistakes
i swallow pride and stay so shut
to be forever by your side.....
i gave it all
my heart and reason
for a cause that you don't see
and now i cry within my fists,
all is gone...because of me.....
white feathers float
i have no faith
no power, but sorrow and regret
for letting me out in the open.....
for you, my love, to actually see.....
no fire, water, air or dark
can make this shame just fade away
it marks me sharply
haunts me so
but even so, i can't let go
i don't, i wish for you to hear
to read, to see i'm there for you
i give my my sanity and soul,
my reasons, pull myself on strings
to see you happy, true, my friend.....
i am a puppeteer and puppet
slother thoughts for reckless acts
to be free....[and with you]
and now i tremble
there is no way to accept
that my minds were stolen once by someone like you
i still tremble
i sing
i cry
i scream
inside.....
a part of my soul cracks
dipped in a glass of wine
you stained my lips with a kiss i did not wish
i did not expect
mashed a feeling
that crumbles me
aware or not
in your embrace
you kill a soul
you slother a mourning spirit
i am afraid to love you
because i can feel it's a lie.....
i have no faith
no sky
no crown to cherish
no lord
no servant
no kingdom
no power
no use
just flow of life,
drifting side to side
don't play with my soul
my mind senses you sharply.....
i am a paranoid monstrousity of a girl
who leaves out all traces of soul
gone numb, you betray your status
my mind shouts blasphemy
you taint youself in a game you cannot win in front of me
you have tainted me in my selfless wish of supporting you
----
beautiful lights in the trees
scent of ice and leaves and asphalt.....
my dreamt heaven is a lie
you are just proving me so
by manipulating me~
[just an image you might have made about me]
