Outside Looking In
Acceptance has always been hard for me. To be loved and cared for was nothing that came to easy for me to let alone except but, to fully allow myself to become part of the people around me. So much happens and I lose everything near to me. They all in the end just become a last friend that was never there. I hate to feel alone but, in the end I feel alone.
Acceptance means so much to me when I was younger and even now I would go against my true friends my true life and end up bashing and tearing there hearts to no acceptance to my feelings or how I was taking any of that. Then when I found out what I did was wrong and by doing that I had lost those people forever.
I have always felt like I had to fight to get to have someone close to me. Even with my parents who are suppose to love you no matter what happens in your life. I will admit I have made some really bad mistakes but, there is nothing in my life more than I would want to get rid of the pain that I feel toward the people that I hurt or who ended up hurting me.
I feel like things were never finished and when my end comes I don’t know if I going to be able to forgive my heart and self for ever letting them go. I don’t know if what I ever did was good or bad. That what I tried was right or wrong in w ho ever’s eyes that might be watching but, I know that pain is still there and on the lonely nights when I am all alone in my bed without anyone to love me or talk to me that is when I feel as if I have lost the world and I will never come back and I get swallowed up in a rush of pain with no way out.
-Deamon
