>>' lol sorry, I'm kinda hungry... haven't eaten breakfast...
DX I also hate this glitch on TheO where we can't comment! If anyone wants to talk to me, PM me please T^T I'm lonely...
Basically, yesterday, when we went up to the Lego Store, everything was fine, in fact, I ended up taking a nap most of the way there since I woke up at 4:15 because I was kinda stressing out on some things... Well, I woke up to Cooper throwing up his Sunny D and mom yelling at me to do something about it. So I gave him a paper towel, gave him water, and my mom STILL continued to yell at me. INFACT, SHE SAID I WASN'T DOING A DAMN THING AND I WAS BEING A LAZY ASS THAT COULD UNHOOK MY SEATBELT TO HELP HIM! Well, FIRST OF ALL: I WAS doing something to help him; SECOND OF ALL: I was doing everything she told me to do and she acted like I was doing NOTHING AT ALL; THIRD OF ALL: She shouldn't EVEN have a reason to be yelling at me if I'M HELPING MY BROTHER AS BEST AS I CAN; AND FOURTH OF ALL: She's driving SIXTY MILES PER HOUR AND INCREASING IN SPEED TO MAKE IT TO HIS MEETING! I know she hasn't taken math for a while, but at THAT speed or ANY speed without my seatbelt on and she has to stop WILL KILL ME! BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE CARE ABOUT MY SAFETY?! SHE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A FUCKING SHIT AS LONG AS COOPER IS FINE! WHEN I'M DOING EVERYTHING TO HELP HIM AND SHE BLOWS OFF WHAT I'M DOING AS NOT EVEN DOING SHIT! IF SHE WANTED TO, SHE COULD'VE FUCKING PULLED OFF TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD TO HELP HIM, BUT SHE DIDN'T! SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO FUCKING CRITISIZE ME FOR WHAT I COULD DO DURING THAT TIME!
THEN, it doesn't end there:
Mom: YOU JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BROTHER!
Me: IF I DIDN'T CARE, WHY THE HEL-CK (almost cussed...) WOULD I BE DOING AS BEST AS I CAN TO HELP HIM OUT?!
Mom: I DON'T NEED YOU YELLING IN MY EAR WHILE I DRIVE!
Me: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE YELLING AT ME!
Mom: YOU ALWAYS YELL AT ME!
Me: NO I DON'T! THE ONLY REASON I YELL IS WHEN YOU YELL AT ME FOR NOTHING!
Mom: I NEVER YELL AT YOU FOR NOTHING!
Me: YES YOU DO!
Mom: JUST SHUT UP! AND DROP IT!
Me: FINE!
*as soon as I stop, she continues going on and critisizing me, when SHE told ME to drop the subject*
Me: I thought you said to drop it...
Mom: Don't even go there!
Me: I WILL GO THERE WHEN YOU ARE YELLING AT ME FOR NO REASON MOM!
Mom: JUST SHUT UP!
Me: NO MOM! YOU SHUT UP! YOU NEVER LISTEN AND YOU ONLY HEAR WHAT YOU DAM-NG (this really did almost slip out even more) WELL WANT TO HEAR!
Mom: DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU?! CAUSE I'M REALLY CLOSE TO!
ME: *is crying at this point after all the build-up and trying to hold it in* GO AHEAD! LIKE YOU'VE NOT HURT ME ENOUGH ALREADY!
Mom: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM BUT YOU HAVE A LOT OF DAMN ISSUES!
Me: YOU KNOW WHY I'M CRYING!
Mom: NO I DON'T! YOU MUST BE CRYING OVER SOMETHING YOU AREN'T TELLING ME!
Me: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE YELLING AT ME FOR NO REASON!
Mom: I KNOW THAT'S NOT THE REASON!
Me: IT IS THE REASON! YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT!
Mom: I'm so close to just PUNCHING you right now...
Me: *glares at her while still crying and just gets out of the truck*
Mom: HELP YOUR BROTHER
Me: I WILL
Mom: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! YELLING AT ME FOR NO REASON! YOU ALWAYS DO IT!
Me: If that's the case mom, I know you're a lot worse than I am...
*as soon as she gets out, we start walking to the huge doors*
Mom: WIPE YOUR FACE AND STOP CRYING
Me: *wipes face and starts laughing* Why?... You can't take it when people see your daughter like this? You don't want anything you do to be on the outside and shown to other people? You always just like to do this, don't you...?
Mom: Shut up!
Me: You just want to keep the little facade that everything is all right... So no one could ever question what you do...
Mom: YOU KEEP THAT UP I'LL KNOCK ALL YOUR TEETH OUT WHETHER OR NOT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING!
So the whole entire time they're in the Lego Store, I'm across on the other side opposite, sitting in a chair with my blue and black stripped jacket zipped up, my hair in my face, listening to my Ipod on MAX volume, and sobbing while some people walked by. I kept trying to think of things to calm me down, but somehow bad thoughts would always stem from them and cause me to cry even more. It got to the point where I really did just want to end it there and kill myself... in fact, I actually thought of doing heroin... maybe taking an overdose enough for me to just slip away... But I thought about my friends and then started trying to calm myself with rock music and trying to play pokemon, which, thankfully, took my mind away from thinking those things. I still have resentment towards mom though, infact, as soon as she could get the chance, she acted like I was fine and had the nerve to ask to use my phone to take pictures of Cooper that I wouldn't be able to get off. But I didn't have my cell... and it's full of texts I had with Andy, so I have to wait until they all clear up next month to text anymore... Much less take pictures. I seriously wish I knew how to delete stuff...
And after all that was done, I went into Hot Topic and got two pairs of knee-high socks (one was black with pink hearts close to the top and white dots in the form of an X; the other was blue and purple striped with black cheetah print on the blue parts), a key hole choker on a chain, and white bows with fake blood stains on them :3. Then we went to Spencers and I bought two knee-high socks there too (:3 one was brown and black and Alice in Wonderland themed from the new movie; the other was really awesome it was black with rainbow zebra stripes on the foot, a little splots of paint splatter in the middle in different colors, and at the top, paint splatter that's all smeared, thick, and runny in different colors and they're meant to be over the knee) and I got a white rabbit costume (for the time being anyway unless we find something better). We went into Claires and looked around for stuff for my halloween costume but didn't find anything. Then we went to the Silly Band kiosk to look at the japanese erasers. I got the black panda :3 (now I have all of them ^^), blue and white dolphin, and a white and green unicorn for Cris (XD there's a story behind this... and adding to that he likes unicorns while I don't...).
And then I saw something really disturbing when we got into the truck and mom let me look through my (dead) Uncle George's sketchbooks. Some of the drawings were good, but some weren't preportional... and all were innapropriate O_o'. DX I saw two drawn dicks and that just ain't right! I got scarred for life...
Once we got home though, I talked to Cris on the internet when he got online and he came over. D: he was a bit sick though sadly so I let him rest for a bit while watching TV and we talked for a bit. XD somehow it lead up into us swapping socks for a little bit. He wore some of my socks, while I wore his X3 lol. After that, we had to go to eat at a Mexican restaraunt to celebrate Mawmaw and Pawpaw's trip off to Mexico (since Pawpaw has cancer and he wants to try and get medicine there to see if it helps). Cris and I honestly didn't want to go... but we did (while still wearing each others socks lol) because we had to. We saw Anne and Sergio there and I said hi to them :3 but Sergio was looking at us kinda oddly...
Then after we ate, we walked down to check the movies and the dates... found nothing good on and we walked back... We also... well Cris... scared Felony (Aunt Terri's pitbull mix that she rescued) and Gigi (Mawmaw's Miniature YorkiePoo that she rescued) when he just wanted to pet them XD.
He said he was planning on coming over today... but the problem is my family wants to go to this Pioneer Fair at 1:00 today... so I'm not sure he'd be able to come over until maybe 2:00 or 2:30... 3:00 at the latest.
So yeah...
