Some parts of the day was happy, while the other part was quite depressing for me...
I made a joke with my friend a day before yesterday that I would kill myself that night to avoid finals... Then when we had music finals... -.-' I failed... greatly... even though I practiced... and what sucked was I had Almond to judge me... and he's hard on everybody... though at least I was able to get through him faster... He didn't really care about my audition though... he didn't look at me at all during the whole thing... and he kept stopping me so... I started doing worse and worse... just because I didn't feel confident at all... So I know that I failed Band finals... he didn't even say "Good job" ... so I know that I'm terrible... but I really don't care. I can play better as a group better than an individual... unless I know no one is around me then I can play. But yeah... Results for this final: Knowing Almond... A D...or a C... maybe an F so... TERRIBLE At least there was a writing... so maybe it made up for it...?... or not...
That ended up stressing me out til 2nd period... and I had another final... the first final stressed me out and I took it out on the next final (the art) and I had to take down all the writing first, in case I didn't finish everything... (which I didn't)... I got to the room drawing and it was hard doing everything so precise... then I get to the tube of paint with few minutes left and I was stressing out because of everything so I ended up pressing harder... Cris told me not to press so hard and that it was too dark (since he was done)... but what was done was done... So when it was over and I didn't finish... I was really sad... the teacher said that since I finished most of it I should be: OKAY
After all of that, Cris and I left the room and didn't say anything to me for a while until we got to the middle hallway, where he pressed me up against the wall and firmly held me by the shoulder and told me that he didn't want me to say I wanted to kill myself. He said he didn't want to hear it and told me that his friend kept telling him the night before she wanted to kill herself, which made him feel bad... but hearing that I wanted to made him feel just terrible. He didn't want me to say that again and there was no reason for me to be so stressed out... I calmed down a bit and I apologized to him since I really needed that talk and said I wouldn't do it again. Then we hugged and I went to lunch. I knew everything I needed to know for my Japanese final, so I know I would do good on that one. (especially since I remembered everything for the final... some particles though, I could've done better on... cause I think I missed one or two)
Then Cris and I went to go see my Pawpaw with the rest of the family... The visit didn't effect me much... Even seeing him in a poor state, connected to all those machines, and knowing that he had forgotten things... and would die soon. I don't know why... but I really was never attached to them because they paid more attention to Whitney than me... so even seeing Pawpaw dying in front of me... it only makes me pity him... it seems terrible for me to say that... but it's true...
Then when we got home... the computer screwed up and I could talk to Cris for only a few minutes because his friend that wanted to kill herself wanted him to call her... He asked if he could call me back... but he couldn't because I knew he'd talk to her for a while... and once he'd be done, he wouldn't be able to call anyway.
I suppose things are better now... but I'm talking to Amby to feel a bit better since... well... I kinda needed to talk to someone right now, but I'll be better no worries ^^
