Disclaimer: I sincerely hope that no one finds this offensive but just in case I am adding this to remove myself from guilt! This story is a minor tirade against certain ideals that society holds. If you hold those ideals then I am not personally attacking you, these are just my views in story form. Thank you for reading.
Appearance Isn’t Everything
“Mistress, wait!” a male voice called from down the corridor. I was shocked enough to pause in the doorway to my bedroom instead of just continuing forwards. I had only just woken up and still it sounded like I was heading into trouble. This could only mean one thing: invisible ninjas!
I yawned, ran a hand through my messy yet-to-be-brushed hair, and put my glasses on before gazing down the corridor. Appearing as if my magic was one of my ninjas, Rex the trouble-maker, I groaned and leant against the door frame, waiting.
“Mistress thank goodness you stopped,” he stated before coming to a sliding halt next to me. I was given the distinct impression that he had run from the other side of the mansion when he leaned forwards and took several gasping breaths.
“Might I enquire as to what you want with me so early in the morning?” I asked him, not willing to give him the recovery time he so clearly needed.
“You...can’t leave...your room...looking like...that!” Rex managed between breaths, succeeding in shocking me so much that he got all the recovery time he could ever have wanted.
“What?!” I eventually asked him, astonished.
“Leaving your room, it cannot be done while you are dressed like that!” Rex repeated, clearly oblivious to the dangers one faced when insulting one’s creator and master at 7 o’clock in the morning.
“And what, exactly, is wrong with ‘the way I look’?” I enquired, before glancing down, taking in the spider slippers, the baggy teddy bear trousers and the T-Shirt that told the world it would be mine in under a week.
“It is just...” Rex paused for a moment trying to find the right word. “...Wrong,” he managed, clearly underwhelmed by his own response.
“Really? And the fact that this outfit is pretty much representative of my morning attire for the last 4 years has escaped your attention until just now, because...?”
“4 years? Impossible.” Rex looked truly disappointed in himself for not noticing this flaw in me prior to this moment, and I was given the distinct impression that there would be a hapless hero somewhere who would find himself being randomly pummelled tonight as Rex desperately sought to retrieve some of his self respect.
“Not impossible,” I stood up straighter and made to move past him, closing my bedroom door behind me. “Very possible and very truthful, so are you going to tell me what brought on this sudden attack of fashion policing then or not?”
“This what?” Rex turned and followed me as I headed towards the kitchen. Creation or not he was not going to get between me and my breakfast. I was so hungry I could practically hear the croissants calling my name.
“Fashion policing you know, the actions committed by the people who go around judging the attire of others and generally deciding it is not up to scratch.” I stopped for a moment until he nearly walked into me, then poked him between the eyes forcing him to stop or be impaled on one of my famously long nails. “It is what you are doing right now and I want to know why.”
“It’s just...” he rubbed the part of his face that I had touched and shrugged. “I guess I only just started noticing.”
“Good, then stop noticing.” I turned around and continued on my trek to the kitchen. It was indeed one of the downsides to owning a large many room mansion, you always had a workout before getting any food! On the bright side though it did put a damper on any secretive night-time eating since you were generally feeling very guilty before you were even half way to the kitchen!
That thought stopped me for a moment and snapping I grabbed Rex by his collar, swinging him round and shoving him up against the nearest wall, narrowly avoiding a woefully positioned vase.
My hunger induced anger seemed to have given me more strength than I generally harnessed in the mornings and I succeeded in knocking the wind out of him. “Tell me Rex, is that all you have against me or is there something else behind these concerns?” I raised an eyebrow and stared at him. He was sweating profusely and looking both nervous and shocked since I normally did not resort to brute force when questioning people. My manner itself seemed to be more intimidation than the average person could stand, and failing that I did have 22 giant spiders that were more than willing to do the torturing for me were it ever required.
“Okay Mistress I apologise,” Rex looked at the ground. “The other ninjas were talking about the heroes and our fellow villains yesterday. In particular they were discussing the way they all seem, well sort of perfect. You know, well dressed, fit, healthy, and with bulging muscles to boot...” He stopped himself as he caught sight of the arms connected to the hands currently pinning him firmly against the wall. “Okay so you have the muscles but that is generally the domain of the male villains, you are meant to be more...”
“Dead?” I supplied, deeply offended by his comments since my strength was pretty much the only thing I prided myself on, well that and my spiders but he wasn't currently complaining about them.
“Dead?” he looked suitably confused and so I released him from my grasp knowing he would stay where he was in case he accidentally gave me the excuse to slam him back into position.
“Dead. Skeletal. I know you know the look I mean since it is the one you seem to think I should be going for. Just so you know I don’t go around with my eyes closed all the time and so I am aware of what society would prefer I did with myself.” I stood up straighter and moved away from Rex who breathed an audible sigh of relief. “I am not one of those people Rex.” I paused for a moment and looked towards a window which afforded me a good view of some of the vast forest that surrounded the mansion. I instantly found myself feeling a little calmer. “I just do not see the point in doing that to myself,” I turned back to him. “And at any rate I did not create the ninjas with the idea that they would one day grow bold enough so as to tell me what to do!” I paused once more before waving my hand around, gesturing to the mansion and its vast grounds. “I got all this the way I am, and I am maintaining it through the way I continue to be, spider slippers and unhealthy habits be damned!”
“Yes...but...everyone is starting to talk. You are becoming a...”
“A what?” I had grabbed him again, only this time it was one hand around his neck that was pinning him against the wall.
“...Laughing stock,” Rex was going bright red as he struggled for breath and I could tell that even if he had not already wanted me to be weaker for the sake of fashion, he would be wishing for me to be weaker now for the sake of his life.
“Surely, dear Rex, you want someone here who can defend the mansion rather than someone who would instead faint at the very idea of self exertion? Surely the current state of affairs is better for this place then having to rely on the men to do all the hard work.” There was scorn in the use of the word ‘men’ though in truth I did not have much against them, in fact when used the right way they could even be very enjoyable. I smiled slightly at my thoughts then noticed that Rex had turned an unbecoming shade of purple and so released him. He fell to the ground in a crumpled heap and started frantically gasping for breath.
“Think about this Rex,” I crouched down in front of him and placed two fingers under his chin to force him to look at me. “I am happy as I am and I will remain as I am to maintain that happiness. I do not care what the heroes or the humans think and neither should you.” I let my eyes travel over his body and noticed tell-tale signs that he had been working out. I tried my hardest not to laugh. “Oh and don’t be ashamed that I am far stronger than you,” I winked, “I have been trying for longer after all.” I removed my fingers from under his chin and stood back up. I could smell the croissants baking in the oven and knew the spiders had found out I was awake and were in the process of getting breakfast ready. They were good like that. “Maybe you should take some time to think about what makes you happy and then come back to me and we can continue this conversation.”
I turned away from Rex and headed back towards the kitchen, proud that I was not trying to conform and was instead living my life for me. I just had to make sure my ninjas started to do things the same way. I put my hands behind my head and stretched a little. ‘First the ninjas and then the world!' a random thought supplied, pausing for a moment before adding, 'conquering via self esteem would indeed be a novel idea...'
"...For a villain!" I finished aloud. This strangely hilarious idea caused me to laugh the rest of the way to the kitchen and my croissants which I made especially sure to enjoy on this somewhat eventful morning. When I had managed to calm down again of course!
The End
