Hello. This is not the girl that typed in that weird domain name. This is the deud that spends WAY to much time here (not that i mind) and is trying to teach her how to use this confusing and demented site.

~so yeah~

:D

so.
tonight was great
i was hanging out with my friends
and some newer peoples
and it rocked.
it had its low points too
dont get me wrong
really low points
but im not gonna think about that because i dont wanna so i dont have to...
lol

but
i did find something out tonight
apparently
i am
attractive.
o.o

ok.
so yeah...ive been starting to feel better about myself and etc. with the self esteem

being called beautiful by your best friend and boyfriend every three secounds will do that

but tonight
i was actually told that i was very attractive by several ppl
and everyone was complimenting me on how i dont need make up and shtuff like that

and yeah
just feelin good about mehself
thought id say
:D

im totally gonna go to school on the first day and be like...confident
o.o
imagine that.

gah

im tired
and i tried to get to sleep for a while
but i just sorta gave the frig up

i dont get why im so aweful at sleeping!!!!
i cannot
get to sleep
stay asleep
wake up
nap for an appropriate amount of time
or anything else realted to sleeping!!!

so now its a quarter to four
and with any luck...ill get to sleep
ah
at this point im planning on going through the day caffinated
if only i could get my hands on some caffine..

bleh
if i get to sleep now...
ill prolly wake up in the afternoon
which is a major bummer
if thats never happend to you... >.>

I made a dress

Yes, it took me about 4 hours, alot of stress, even more pin pricks, and enough cursing to make a rapper blush...but i did it!

i turned my moms old 90's skirt (ya know the floor lenth floral ones) and turned it into a moderately cute empire waist dress.
I'm quite proud of myself, cause it honestly does look like a dress...rather than a home-ec project gone horrably wrong.

and
when i went downstairs to show my mom
she was sooooooooo friggin shocked
she couldnt beleive that i did such a good job on it.

she was all like
"ooo i wanna wear it"
and i was all like
"...good luck with that" o.o

cause she wouldnt look very good in it nor would i everever lend this out if not for the soul reason that i worked too fucking hard on this for someone else to wear it.

like...gee thanks for having faith in me >.>
but yeah

i think i might wear it to school on the first day
but with jeans
acause it is a tad more short than im used to...

its nice tho.

really long post about my last two sucky days

***im just ranting
you dont actually need to read it.****

let me start off by saying
i do not have a good relationship with my parents
this is, for the most part theyre doing.
i wont get into details, because theyre complicated and tedious to write, however, i would like to say this, they are kinda bad at the whole...parenting thing.
i dont know why they ever became parents...they should have just got some friggin puppies...ya know...something they can take out theyre anger on, yell at, controll, train, and brag about to the neighbors/friends
"oh look at my puppy (s)he is soo luffable! and (s)he can sit, lye down, roll over, abandon his/her own dreams to accomodate my own selfish wants that immediantly coinside with their unhappieness, awww sucha cutiepie!"
i dunno if any of that makes any sence at all
but i quite enjoyed writing it regaurdless.
so let me get down to it
i drink, not often, but i do, its a social weekend thing i do occasionally because i have a really difficult time socializing and unfortunately enough thats the way i choose to deal with my social awkwardness
i dont recomend it.
i really dont.

but alas, i do.
last night was a friends birthday celebration deally, a friend who i hadnt seen in ooooh i dunno, OVER A FRICKIN MONTH. and my curfew is 12
i dont know why
my parents should trust me more
but they dont.
so 12 it is.
he didnt get there till about 9:30-10:00
yeahhh....it takes a half hour to walk home
and i missed him
and there was no way in hell that i was gonna spend a measly hour with him
so i told myself
to heck with the consequences!
and decided to stay out WAY past my curfew for the sake of bonding.
alas, some shit happend
and i left at about
hell i dont even know
at this point my cell phone decided to die, on half battery power, so i didnt know the time.
i walk home (im WAY too drunk to be walking home at this point incedentally, but i didnt wanna impose upon my friends who were dealing with something a bit more serious) so i finally get home
im exausted
im drunk
my legs HURT
its really late and im scared
i get the key from the garage
put the key in the door
start to push open the door
annnnnnd nope
it wouldnt budge
its double locked
i POUND on the door
the dogs dont bark
wtf
the dogs ALWAYS bark
why arent they barking
i sit in the driveway
trying to turn on my phone
its not turning on
im crying hysterically in my driveway because the door wont open and the dogs wont bark and my phone wont turn on and none of this has ever happend before.
i decide
matt, my brother
everyone knows him, in this town it honestly feels like everyone knows my brother, so i go back out to walk around hoping to run into someone at one of his hangouts who might be able to call him for me
and if that doesnt work out ill go to emilys and if that doesnt work out ill go to kyles and if that doesnt work out ill sleep in the backyard but something has to be done i have to be somewhere, go somewhere, sleep somewhere
something, anything
id settle for running into one of matts more terrifying aquantences at this point
so
i finally get to emilys house
and well
i dont know how to explain this
but
my phone was ringing. my mom was calling. my phone was dead an hour ago. and now its ringing. so she picks me up around west tenth i think
and shes pissed. shes yelling. shes calling me a lyer (b.c i accidentally told her the wrong time) she accused me of doing coke
let me just say
ALL of my friends KNOW i would never touch a recreational drug, expesially not coke, hell, my AQUANTENCES know id never do that
and yet, my mom doesnt know me well enough. and she wonders why i dont talk to her.

well anyway
let me fast foward to today.
my moms pissed
kyle just left
and im in the car with my mom, who is very childish incidentally.
and shes doing the whole im really angry and gonna be all huffy and try to make you feel bad thing
and i say
what the hell is going on
and she starts in about how SHE desrves an apology

she accused me of doing coke, and i need to apologize?
"Welcome to...the Twilight Zone" *eeri music*
oh and she and my dad sent me away to that college program and i got all my "little friends" gifts and nothing for them
-they were begging and it bothered me that they were begging for a prize for basically doing something thats gonna help me into college...and if memory serves, about a week before i was supposed to go away my parents completely invalidated my dreams and threatend to not send me on the basis that my dreams didnt make them happy...uhuh..
and she was talking about how nothing i was saying was making sence about the night before
and if the door was double locked why didnt i use the key to the deadbolt
- o.o
wait wait wait
thats what that keys for? they always told me that was just the old house key
how id it my fault that i was misinformed?
oh and im so this and im so that and im a bad daughter because of x, y and z

oh my god
i was so tempted
to bring up the hugphobia
the depression
the suicide attempts (and how many were due to things they did/said)
the matts drug use
basically
how many ways they skrewed me over.

whatever.
i get to work
and im just thinking, how amazing it could be
if i could move out.
and i can barely concentrate on work cause im thinking about that so much
and my the end of work, im really hungry, because i hadnt eaten too much that day...or maybe i was just extra hungry today
regaurdless
i was happy to get home
because i was hungry
i started making food
my parents summon me into living room
and to be honest most of the conversation was laughable
haha
and at one point they ASKED ME IF I WAS EXPARIMENTING WITH DRUGS

"jenn, if you think you need help and if you think your going down the wrong path, you can come to us"
which is laughable
because ive never been able to go to them
and ive never been able to talk to them
and what happendd to the time they found out about the cut and put me in a fucking headlock and practically ripped out me hair?
IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED WRITE NOW THAT IM WRITING IN CAPS
BUT THIS IS FUCKING ABSURD
ME...
DRUGS
WHAT!
*deep breath*
and yeah
do you drink
yeah, like opnce or twice
oh, why those two times
i dunno
smirk

and the convo got to curfews
and i said most of my friends can stay out past 12
because most of them can
and my mom said
kyle has to be home by 10
(which is actually untrue to be honest)
so i said
yes well, kyle is 15, i think i should be allowed a bit more time, being that im OLDER

my dadmydadmydad
he says
WAIT
hes 15, what are you doing hanging around a 15 year old
and im just gonna stop writing now because this is just making me angrier
because my parents need to stop being duche bags and but out
because you cant justr wake up one day and decide
hey, im gonna parent today
no
its all or nothing

i could write a million pages about what happend these last two days
and it still wouldnt do the situation justice.
im just
this isnt ok
you cant treat people like this
i hate it
im mad
im furious.

YAY (and or woo)

soooooooooooo
I'm coming back from my college experience on saturday

and im gonna be having a bit of a get together with 2 of my friends and my boyfriend :D

and
i wanted to see if everyone wanted to sleep over too
which i doubted they would
because
amber
whenever i ask if she wants to sleep over she always says no
BUT
when i aksed she seemed quite happy about the idea
so yay!
i was really suprised that she said yes
and i asked sean
and he said yes too
which i found suprising as well
acause i just didnt expect to have such great luck

and seeing that my luck was so good
i figured id ask my boyfriend if hed like to sleep over as well
accause other people would be there
so its not a crazy thought or anything
and yeah
if hes allowed to
im gonna be quite happy!

because yeah
PEOPLE!