why do the words have to come to me. Each night I see them. That Chaos will never leave me alone. I don't want them. They won't leave me though. That damn word is cursing my nights, my dreams, my sanity.

I tried running long ago. Distance would not work. I tried forgetting, but you can't forget that experience. It is scarred deep within, haunting your mind in sadistic ways you never thought. It will not stay buried. But it will buy you some time at least to prepare.

Death. That one word has been my darkest horror in my dreams. Fear isn't what the problem is. It is the death of the others I know. Death of friends. Family. My beloved. Of all that I hold to my heart.

That is what I fear. Loss of all that I hold meaning to. Of what I have build my very life upon. If all this were to Die. I would be a shell, without s soul to call my own. I would be what i once was. A mind with no heart.

And when I was that. Nothing really mattered. Life, Happiness, Death, anything..... just faded nothing.

Nothing.......