Think about all the tomorrows in your life.
As human beings, we take most in our lives for granted. All the things that we have now, could be gone in the flash of an eye. We as teenagers think it's the end of the world when our means of communication are taken away from us, such as cell phones, computers, or driving rights. But what if something much bigger is taken from us? We don't understand the fact that these things are really just material items in our life.
We don't realise that the things that are truly important - such as family, friends, and loved ones - are the ones that we don't see as "important". We don't realise it until they're gone. They could be here today and gone tomorrow, in the flash of an eye. I've learned from personal experience that you don't want to say something to someone that you might regret saying.
My friend Adam and I are a perfect example. He died not too long ago on 29 June. He'd been in the hospital for heart problems [just like Nick, if you guys remember him from MyOtaku] and they said he wasn't going to live long after. He was too young to do the surgery needed. The last words I said to him were this: "I hope you know that sometimes I hate you because of that." We were talking about how he made fun of me all the time. The day after, the doctor's called Adam's mom's house, and she called telling me the news.
She picked me up and drove me to the hospital with her, and there was a note on Adam's bed tray. It was directed to me. I keep it with me everywhere I go.
Dear Djayy:
I don't know if this is something you really want to see. Especially after what happened yesterday. You know I really do it cause I care. I know I've really not said something nice to you unless I'm being sarcastic, but I don't like showing things like that. I'm sorry. I love you. And if I should die tonight, I love you.
Take everything you have now and think about what could happen to it tomorrow. If it could be gone, if you could lose it, if anything. You never know; everything changes. Think about all the tomorrows in your life.
Two days until I go to Canada. Big whoop.
Um... Sorry for the huge as long blog that I posted down there... I had so so so so much on my mind for awhile, and it just finally got the best of me. So, out it came like a shaken up Coke being opened.
But yes, it is true. There was stuff being talked about on TheOtaku before, but I don't care any more. Yes, I do in fact like Jack. JackE034. Yes, him. If it wasn't obvious before, now it is. I like him. A lot. So there. Go ahead and talk about me on the Chats again, I don't really care. :3
I'm sorry Nicki for making you feel all afhdk;afgejak't;ejafea and stuff, though.
I saw Bruno on Sunday. DO NOT GO SEE THAT FILM. I'm not going to lie, it was gay beyond gay. Literally. I mean, there was like ten minutes of dick in butt action. It was weird... and there wasn't a really good plot. If you're up for something stupid, then just go watch it. But I wish I didn't waste my money on it. Technically, I didn't though, cause my cousin paid.
Well, I don't know what to post. I'm going to post a deep blog tomorrow before i leave, probably.
13 July, 2009. 5:21 A.M
EDIT, 10:56 p.m.: There's more drama now... asdfhjl; I wanna delete this, but I needed to keep this up... for... personal reasons. It made me feel better. So deleting it would basically prove what I typed pointless.
It's times like this where silence is ever so loud, yet brings out the deepest thoughts in me. Even though I am in fact in the prescence of two other people, it is dead silent execpt for their rhythmic breathing patterns.
This post might bring up drama that died away from TheOtaku awhile back. Just saying, but don't take it all... crazy like.
Sometimes loving is not the easiest thing to do. You give some to get some, and always risk the factor of getting hurt. Especially in long distance relationship, or online, as some of you might call them.
A few months back, I realised I'd liked someone I'd met online. He was a really sweet guy and everything, but at the time I decided to fess up tell him that I liked him, he didn't like me that way. Obviously, I was hurt. No one takes the sting of rejection easily, do they? But I was content that he wasn't making things awkward, though, I could not say the same for myself. And life carried on.
I never really stopped the small crush that I had on him. Just with our conversations, a small fancy turned into a crush, a crush into a liking, and a liking into a love, going through the stages like a blooming flower. It grew over time, and sometimes ended up hurting in my heart. But I endured, only to find out that he had his fancy for me, too.
But, at his request, we did not date. He'd said because of his previous long distance relationship, he would not go through with another one and risk everything again. I was content with that, and we loved without dating, so to speak. But each day we talked, anyone could tell that the small insults we told each other were full of love, in an awkward way.
It was all dandy until something interferred, something called real life. He and a girl that he also liked started dating. I was crushed, obviously. That could've been me, I always thought, if only I was in the same area. But that was all I ever though, and still ever do. If only, if only, if only. All the questions unanswered by two words.
But I lived and moved on. And now, I knew somehow that I'd still love him. Yes, love him, and that those feelings would only dull away but never completely disappear. And that was when I started dating Cody. He'd helped me forget for awhile until the same factor that stopped the first stopped him: real life. Again.
And now, said person is currently single. I am single, as is he, but it still hurts knowing that I might and could possibly and most likely will go through that again. I don't want to go through that again at all. The emotions I felt, the loneliness I knew... it's something that I wish that I will never go back to. Even though it is completely inevitable that it will happen.
As all of this happens currently, so many more emotions run through my mind. If I know that this is probably going to happen again, then what's the point of waiting for leeway? It didn't change the first time, and chances are it won't change the next, or the next, or the next. It makes me wonder why I still wait. Why do I still wait for him to say anything that will change everything? I know it won't happen. Give me a reason that I should still. It confuses me all the while that I still love you...
And, with that added, I also still happen to like one of my best friends. Something that he said to me a few months back in April still haunts my mind to this day, as I'm still unsure of what he truly meant. His statements contradicted themselves in their own sentence. And it still hurts. Especially because of the information that Kitt had given me that one time. The only reason that I told this person was because she said she was positive about her information. I've still not got this whole matter clarified, and chances are I never will, as I'll never get the heart to ask this question straight up.
It's because I'm too chicken. Too chicken to say that what happened in April stlil hurts me. Too chicken to straight up say that he's hurting me. Too chicken to face the truth and we'll only just be friends.
We all like to let our minds believe things that aren't true, which is a flaw of human life as we know it. I myself have believed that we could possibly be something more, when in all actuality, nothing can happen.
And with this guy... I've thought about not talking to him really for a few weeks. One, actually. Even though it's not going to happen. I can't live without this kid; he's one of my best friends. And I know I'm not going to be over this any time soon, even though I told him I would be okay the day of my confession. Oh well...
My obsession is my new phone... I'VE BEEN TEXTING ALL DAY AND I CAN'T STOP. XO OHMYGOD HELP ME I THINK I NEED CLINICAL HELP! XDDD
But yeah. That's beside the point...
Um... I met this kid today. His name is Dallas. He's a real sweetie. Haha. I've been texting him all day, along with almost everyone else...
And Sayoko and I have been video chatting almost all day... We have no lives, seriously. xDD But it's fun, cause I finally get to put a voice to a face. I mean, I've seen pictures of her, but it's not the same actually hearing the voice come right from the face.
Um... Yeah. I still really don't have anything to post because there's nothing really to post about. No school, so no drama. Rofl. x3
But I'm probably going to go see Bruno this Sunday with my family. Haha, I'm excited.
That's it.
Bye bye <3
EDIT:
E-Juliet ~ 2,581 views (Rank: # 103 / 10069)
Those quizzes you fill out. 135 views (Rank: # 910 / 10069)
The first one is the important one haah.
OMG! THE ENV3! Dude, within the first ten minutes I got my phone, I'd sent 50 texts already. xD And I didn't even leave the store yet. Roflcopter. But it's epic. I had to erase about 300 messages total today. GO ME. XDDDD I think I have no life... seriously. That, or texting is going to start taking over my life... Owo. x3
But today is my grandmother's 2 year death anniversary. ]: I miss that lady bunches hahah.
But I'm going to get to texting now. :3 Text me sometime?
Ask for my number haha.
