You want to know about college?
You know, most people don’t see the irony of the hours of late study, the apparent lack of a stable social life, the grade-hogging, the sweat, the tears, the paperwork, and the stress, that goes into getting to college, all so you can go through entrance hazing, study longer, lose more sleep, have a less stable social life, and be hit, and hit on my more seniors. I mean how much is a girl supposed to take?
However, while I do see these ironies, I do not voice them in the presence of my supposed superiors. I simply nod while people rant about scholarships I know I’m not going to get, rather than pointing out that, despite popular belief, I’m not superwoman, nor do my grades always imply that I am.
Rather than ask “Is there any part of my life they don’t want to know about?” when filling in applications, I rack my brain for anything that would count as “community service” and try to estimate how many other kids n my school have the same skin color I have. I bet if they could, they would have a section with questions like “hours spent in sexual activity”, “time spent having fun”, “number of factors implying a minority of some kind”, “time spent annually in restrooms” and “number of minutes being idle per day”. There is nothing like a college application to make one regret having what form of a measly social life that a few moments ago you thought didn’t exist. It also makes you think about vowing off other things like sleeping and eating for more useful activities like cleaning up national parks and studying obscure branches of science. Also, no matter how many black, Mexican, or Chinese friends you have, you will instantly feel criminalized for being a “white non-Hispanic”. If you’re a guy, that’s worse. O, and no matter how much time you have spent doing chores around the house, cleaning your room, eating your vegetables, or reading the dictionary, you only get credit for something that can be analyzed, verified, and certified till it falls over and dies from exhaustion.
And once you are done with the humiliating application, they tell you that there is an “application fee”. These people want twenty-five bucks just to look at the paperwork! And You haven’t even picked a major yet!
All this, all the responsibility speeches and lectures on maturity can be a bit much. I mean, how can you expect me to take my entire future into my own hands, when they don’t even trust you with the car keys! At least, not without asking you a dozen questions about where you’re going, who with, etc. Maybe they should create an application for that too…