Kenny apprehensively approached the door to ‘Speed Daters Unite’, and placed his hand on the door handle. Pushing the handle down, he slowly opened the door. This was the first time he’d ever been to one of these things, and he was a little nervous. Kenny stepped into the room, and took a look around.
Men were writing their names on sticky labels, and sticking the labels to themselves. Other men were walking around, talking to people already. Other men were just eyeing up the hotties in the room. There was no women, just other men like Kenny.
Shuffling nervously to a grinning man at a desk. Kenny picked up a pen, and wrote his name on a label. The man continued to grin as Kenny stuck the label to himself, and wandered away slowly. Kenny spared one more glance at the man at the desk, and saw that he was still grinning. But now that Kenny was at a bit of a distance, he could see what was going on under the desk.
Kenny turned away from the pleasured, grinning man, and saw that the other men in the room were beginning to sit at tables that were placed somewhat in a circle. Unsure of what to do, Kenny stood still, and watched everyone else.
“You!” a man said to Kenny, making him jump. “You sit at this table here. You don’t move. Other men do. You get to talk to people. Savvy?”
Kenny just stared as he was put into a seat. He was completely at a loss for words, and had no idea how these things worked. The man hadn’t exactly explained it in great depth, and had already ran off to place other men in seats. Gulping, Kenny looked at the man who was sitting down opposite him.
“Yo. I’m Rick,” the man said.
“K-Kenny…” Kenny said nervously.
“No need to be so scared,” Rick chuckled. “So, Kenny, tell me. You got hobbies?”
“Erm… Yeah… I like computers,” Kenny replied, relaxing somewhat.
“Yeah? I like masturbating.”
Kenny stared at Rick.
“Know any good porn sites?” Rick asked, as though this was the most normal conversation to have during speed dating.
“Aren’t we supposed to get to know each other?” Kenny said, raising an eyebrow.
“We are. I know that you like computers, and you know that I like to wank. Porn sites?”
“Well… Gaytube dot com is quite good…” Kenny replied.
“Gaytube, huh? Sounds good, I’ll have to give it a try. Nice speaking with ya!” Rick said, as a bell sounded somewhere, and men began moving around.
“Hi there,” a blonde guy said, sitting down opposite Kenny, where Rick had previously been sitting.
“Erm… Hi…” Kenny replied, still a little nervous, and really wishing as though he hadn’t come to this.
“I’m Jim,” the guy named Jim said, holding out his hand.
“I’m Kenny,” Kenneth replied, shaking the hand that Jim was holding out.
“What brings you here, Kenny?”
Kenny breathed a sigh of relief. He was going to have a normal conversation!
“Oh, you know… A lack of guys in my life. I thought this might solve my problem.”
“Same here,” Jim nodded. “I’m also looking for a guy with a massive penis.”
Kenny stared. His thoughts of a normal conversation were down the drain.
“So, have you got any hobbies?” Jim asked.
“Yeah… I like computers… And stuff…”
“You watch porn?”
Kenny stared some more. All of these men were sex-obsessed!
“Well… Who doesn’t?”
“Good man,” Jim grinned, nodding. “Can I ask… Do you have a big penis?”
Kenny unconsciously looked down at his groin. Was this really information that he wanted to give to a complete stranger?
“Well, yeah… It is kind of… Bigger than average, I guess,” Kenny replied.
“Fantastic!” Jim exclaimed, standing up and clapping his hands, making Kenny jump. “You’ll do fine!”
“Do fine for what?” Kenny asked, the feeling of wishing he hadn’t come to this stupid speed dating thing intensifying.
“To bugger me, of course! Come, we must… Come!”
Kenny opened his mouth to protest, but Jim’s grip on his hand was too strong, and Kenny found himself being pulled out of the speed dating building. Jim seemed pretty excited, and though Kenny didn’t want to admit it… So was ‘little Kenny’.
~*~
A/N: This was my third oneshot for the Unusual Pairings Wave. There is a sequel to this, which is my fourth story for the UPW, but it cannot be displayed upon this site for... Sexual reasons. If you want to read it, go here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5106962/1/I_Still_Like_Computers
