It was a fine day. A fine, sunny day. A fine, sunny day for four teenage boys to be lounging around in the park discussing… Pubic hair.
“But WHY do we have pubes?! I mean, what’s the point?! Most people just shave them off, so what is the point, dammit?!” Tyson yelled, getting frustrated, and scaring a few passing girls.
Tala and Kai sighed. They had somehow found themselves out with Max and Tyson, and the topic of pubic hair and sex had somehow cropped up. Now, they were finding themselves telling Tyson repeatedly why they had pubes, but Tyson still didn’t understand it.
“Because, Tyson,” Kai started in exasperation, “pubic hair is supposed to cushion-”
“IT’S SUPPOSED TO CUSHION THE BLOW OF YOU BANGING HARD INTO SOMEONE, YOU FOOL!” Tala yelled, shaking Tyson by the collar of his jacket, and scaring a few more people passing by.
“I wonder what colour pubes you can get…” Max wondered aloud to himself.
“WHY would you want to wonder that?!” Tala exclaimed. Max and Tyson were really getting on his nerves.
“Well, if your pubic hair is supposed to match the colour of the hair on your head…” Max trailed off, thinking.
“Dude, imagine Oliver’s pubes!” Tyson said.
“I’d rather not,” Kai said.
“What about Rick’s?” Max giggled.
“These images are worming their way into my head, and I don’t like it,” Tala mumbled.
“Do you guys want to see my pubes?” Tyson asked just a bit too seriously.
“NO!” Tala and Kai shouted at him.
Tyson ignored them, and began undoing his trousers. He pulled them down just enough for everyone (I.e. Max) to see a little blue tuft sticking out. Kai and Tala only looked back when Tyson’s trousers were safely done up.
“You are aware that you just got your pubes out in public, aren’t you?” Tala asked.
“I’m sure everyone who was looking enjoyed it,” Tyson replied, shrugging.
“They were blue!” Max exclaimed, the fact that Tyson had blue pubic hair only just hitting him.
“Let’s see your pubes, Maxie,” Tyson said.
“You do know that sounded really gay, don’t you?” Kai asked.
Tyson shrugged as Max began to undo his trousers. Tala and Kai again looked away as more pubic hair was exposed in their vicinity. Like before, they only looked back once Max’s trousers were safely done up.
“Y’know, I don’t know why you guys don’t just believe that you have pubes to match the colour of your hair. I can’t understand why you have to expose yourselves like that,” Tala said, raising an eyebrow.
“Hey, Tala…” Tyson began, and thought dawning on him, and his face lighting up, “does this mean that you have… GINGER PUBES?!”
“GINGER PUBES! HAHAHA!” Max laughed.
“I HATE YOU TWO!” Tala yelled, standing up and pointing at them.
Kai watched in horror as Tyson and Max tackled Tala back to the ground, and succeeding in pulling down his trousers and underwear, exposing more than was needed, and proving that he did indeed have ginger pubes. Tyson and Max rolled around on the floor laughing as Tala pulled his trousers back up, and fastened them again. He was bright red, and Kai was sure he could feel the heat radiating from Tala.
“Hey, I wonder…” Max began, looking thoughtful again.
Kai looked at that thinking face, and thought nothing good could come of his thinking. Kai was counting down the minutes to when Tyson and Max would come and attack his trousers.
“You wonder what, Maxie?” Tyson asked.
“I wonder if, when you get older and go grey, do your pubes go grey?”
They both looked at Kai. Tala had begun planning their funerals.
“What colour are your pubes, Kai?” Tyson asked, grinning.
“You are not finding out,” Kai snapped.
“We so are,” Max giggled.
“You know, this one’s always interested me, actually,” Tala admitted.
“Thanks for sticking up for me,” Kai growled at him.
“What? You didn’t stick up for me when they brutally yanked my trousers down, and exposed me to the world. So, Kai. What colour ARE your pubes?” Tala grinned evilly.
Kai reached to the hem of his trousers, and kept a firm grip on them. They would not be pulled down. At all. None. He wouldn’t allow it. The other three advanced on him, and he suddenly felt the urge to castrate them all. They shared a nod, and Kai raised an eyebrow. Then, without warning, Tala grabbed Kai from behind, and pulled him to the ground and pinned him there. Kai tried to kick his legs out, but Max had them pinned to the ground, too.
“Don’t you dare, Tyson,” Kai warned the boy with his hands outstretched.
Tyson took no notice, and began undoing Kai’s trousers. He then gave a little grin, and yanked them down enough for everyone to see the pubic hair there. Luckily for Kai, no man-meat was exposed. Kai turned bright red, and Max let out a giggle. Kai’s pubes were two-toned, just like his hair. The top bit was a greyish colour, and the bottom bit was a blue colour.
“Sexy. I bet you pull loads of girls with them pubes,” Tyson said, and burst out laughing.
He joined in with Max, rolling around on the floor again, and Tala let go of Kai’s arms, so the poor lad could regain some dignity. Kai’s head hung low once his trousers were back, but Tala could still see the redness of his face.
“At least they aren’t ginger,” Tala said, patting Kai on the shoulder.
“Hey, hey!” Max said, sitting up and thinking again. Kai and Tala groaned.
“What stupendous idea has hit you this time?” Tala asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Well, if Kai has two-toned pubes-”
“Can you please keep that information quiet?!”
“- does that mean that Julia and Raul have two-toned pubes as well?”
“Probably. Hey, we should ask them the next time we see them!” Tyson suggested.
“Oh, yes. I suppose that would go down well,” Kai said, rolling his eyes. “‘Hi Raul, hi Julia. Me and Max were wondering the other day if you had two-toned pubes because of your hair. Do you mind if we see?’”
Tala laughed.
“No, we’d just yank their pants down,” Tyson replied, shrugging.
“You can’t do that to Julia, Tyson!” Max gasped.
“What, so it’s OK to pull down a guy’s underwear, but not a girl’s? I’m starting to think that you’re not as straight as you say you are,” Kai said.
“Hey, hey! Have you ever seen Bryan’s pubes?” Max asked.
“No,” Kai replied.
“Yes,” Tala replied.
Everyone looked at Tala.
“What? I have. Many times. It’s what happens when you’ve spent the best part of your life so far in a sick Abbey which the director of likes little boys a little too much,” Tala shrugged.
“Are they lilac?” Tyson asked.
“They are,” Tala nodded.
“Do you think he’d let us see them?” Max asked.
“WHAT IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH SEEING OTHER PEOPLE’S PUBIC HAIR?!” Kai yelled, just as Hilary and Kenny walked up to the little group.
“I think we’d better leave them to it…” Hilary said, walking away again. Kenny followed suit, and the four boys watched them leave.
“What a way to scar some of your best friends for life,” Tala smirked.
Kai sighed and stood up.
“I’m leaving. Before these two thickos get anymore ideas.”
“I’ll come with,” Tala said, also getting up. “I’m not being left alone with them.”
“S’later,” Kai said, walking away with Tala, who just gave Tyson and Max a little wave.
Tyson and Max watched as their two friends left, and they both grinned.
“So, Max… Which one of them goes uke, do you think?”
“I’m not too sure. Shall we follow them and find out?”
“Indeed.”
