Kai raised his eyebrows as he looked at the semi-detached house. He was on top of a hill, in the middle of England, staring at two yachts parked in the garden. Both boats had the same name written down the side, and, sure that this was the right place, Kai walked up the garden bath, squeezing between the two boats, and knocked on the front door.
There was a bit of a commotion inside, but eventually the door was opened by a girl with a rabbit on her head, and holding a set of keys.
“Here for the yacht?” the girl asked.
Kai nodded, staring at the rabbit perched on her head.
“Here are the keys, I’ll post the documents to you, and all that jazz. Enjoy-”
“Wait. Aren’t you going to tell me your name, or a bit about the yacht or whatever?” Kai asked, raising an eyebrow.
“My name? Edna.”
Kai raised his other eyebrow.
“Well, no, it’s not. But you’re having one of the boats because you want one and because I got two for Christmas. You can’t change the name, though.”
“But I want to change the name.”
“You can’t.”
“But my boyfriend might want to.”
“He can’t either. It’s tough. Take the keys, and leave.”
The keys were thrusted into Kai’s hands, and the door promptly shut in his face. He had never known that the English were so rude! Turning back to the yacht, Kai realised he had a slight problem. The taxi he had come in, and which was still waiting for him, wouldn’t be able to move his yacht.
Kai sighed and pulled out his mobile phone. A few phone calls later, and he had a removal truck moving the yacht from the garden it was parked in, and they were all on their way to the airport. He now just had the problem of getting the yacht back to Russia.
Kai picked his phone back up, and dialled home. Within minutes, the other line had picked up, and he was listening to his boyfriend ramble on.
“Hellooooo, Hiwatari and Valkov residence, yes we are men, and yes we are gay, and yes we have great sex, so if you don’t like that you can just put the phone down now, otherwise state what you would like to talk about.”
“I got your yacht.”
“KAIIII!”
“Do you really answer the phone like that all the time?”
“Sometimes. Most of the time… The majority of the time… Well, yes. All the time.”
“You’re going to scare people off saying that.”
“That’s the idea.”
“Weirdo. Anyway, as I have said, I’ve got your yacht. The girl was very rude, very odd, and very English.”
“You are in England.”
“Shut up. I now have the problem of trying to get this bloody boat back home. How do you propose I do that?”
“Sail it back.”
“Are you mad?!”
“Yes.”
“… This call is costing me a lot of money, Tala, so I’m going to cut this chat short. I’m going to see if I can have the yacht flown over quite soon, because I’m coming back today… And I don’t think the people on the flight will appreciate me having a boat in the seat next to me.”
“That’d be pretty impossible.”
“I know.”
“What’s the boat called?”
“The E.S.S. Bayles.”
“Good God. Can we change it?”
“No.”
“Great.”
“I reaaaally have to go now.”
“Okie dokie. Love you. And the boat.”
“I love you too, but I don’t love the boat.”
Tala chuckled on the other end of the line, and Kai hung up. He’d gone to all this trouble, just to get a yacht for Tala, and it’d proved more trouble than it was worth. Kai turned around to look out of the back of the taxi. There was the removal truck behind him.
With the bloody boat on the back.
