Black mini dress, or pink mini dress? Sexiness, or UBER sexiness? I can’t decide. I turn to Hilary, who seems to be having the same dilemma as me, though, she couldn’t seem to make up her mind between a little blue number, or a disgusting brown thing that would show far too much cleavage.
“Definitely the blue,” I said to her.
Hilary looked up at me and nodded. I held up my black and pink dresses.
“I can’t decide. Sex Goddess, or insanely-happy-sexy-and-pink Sex Goddess?”
“Erm… The black, I think,” she said, putting her finger to her lips and looking as though she was really thinking about it.
“What are you on about?! The pink one would definitely be the better choice!” I said, tossing the black dress onto the bed.
“Well, if you’d already decided, why did you bother to ask me?” Hilary asked, frowning.
“I hadn’t decided. I was going to see which one you’d pick, and then go for the opposite,” I shrugged.
Hilary rolled her eyes, and muttered something that sounded like ‘charming’. I walked into the bathroom, taking my pink dress with me. Hilary and I had already done each other’s make-up, so all that was left to do was put on our dresses, choose a pair of shoes and a bag, and go and meet Emily and Mathilda. We were meeting the boys at the club.
I unbuttoned my shirt and slipped it off, letting it drop to the floor (that way, I’m not having to pull it over my head and ruin my perfect make-up). I do the same with my trousers, and step into my dress. Once it was on, I took a look down at myself. I swear I’m putting on weight.
Trying not to pay too much attention to the thought that I was getting fat, I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where Hilary was in her blue dress, sort of. She seemed to be having a fight with the zip.
“Why do they put the zips under your armpits, or at the back where you can’t bloody reach them?!” she exclaimed loudly, trying to reach under her right armpit to do her zip up.
“Because they’d be too obvious if you had them at the front,” I told her, yanking her arms into the air, and doing her zip up for her.
I am relieved to find that she has shaved her armpits.
I know someone who doesn’t.
Someone who’s name begins with an ‘E’ and ends with ‘mily’. If you know who I mean, and I think you do.
Hilary span around in front of her full-length mirror (yes, we had taken over her house to get ready), grinning like a Cheshire cat. I spread out the shoes we had picked out earlier on in the day, and also spread out the bags. I had my eye on the bright pink, sparkly ones. After all, they would go well with my attire tonight. And my hair.
“I might go for silver,” Hilary said, pointing to a silver version of the pink ones I had my eye one. “I don’t want to go too blue, or you might lose me in the crowds.”
“I think that’s a wise decision,” I said. “I’m going for the pink.”
“Pink? Again?”
“Well… I could have the green ones, but considering my dress, hair and make-up is all pink…”
“I see your point.”
We threw the unchosen shoes to a corner of Hilary’s room, and both sat on the end of her bed, putting our heels on. I clicked the heels together, grinning down at them.
“Oooh, Hil. I feel just like Mary Poppins.”
“Mary Poppins didn’t have bright pink shoes.”
“I know. They were actually red.”
“She didn’t have red shoes, either. She had a magic umbrella.”
“Oh. I feel like Alice In Wonderland, then!”
“She didn’t have pink or red shoes, either. She got lost.”
“Well… Who do I feel like?”
“I think your mean Dorothy. The one with the dog, the tin man, the lion, and the one made of straw or something.”
“Did she have red shoes?”
“Yes.”
“I feel like her, then.”
A silence was thrown over us as we studied the bags.
“I think I might take something big. Not too big, mind. But big enough to put a pair of flat shoes in when the heels begin to hurt too much,” Hilary said.
“I’m going to take something little that I can fit my purse and phone in,” I said, picking up a little, that’s right, pink bag.
Who cares if my feet feel like they’re going to fall off at the end of this night out? It’s my birthday, so I’ll be getting so drunk that I won’t be able to feel it! Now that our bags are chosen, we’ve picked up our little coats, and are walking down the stairs. Hilary’s Mum is waiting for us at the bottom, apparently going to give us the once over before we leave. She has her eyebrow raised and her arms, so I’m expecting her to say that we look too tarty or something. There’s no time to change now.
“Mum, if you even think about beginning to rant about the length of our dresses…” Hilary warned her, both of us tottering down the last few stairs to stand in front of her Mum.
“I wasn’t. I was just going to say that you both look gorgeous,” she said, pulling us both into a hug.
We squealed at her, and tried to get her off us, thinking about how she could be ruining our make-up. She eventually let us go, and let us be on our merry way out of the door and down the path. We took a nervous look around when about to walk down the street. We realised that it was actually quite late, and we were on our own.
Our nervousness soon disappeared, though, and we were practically skipping to the flat Emily had somehow managed to rent. It wasn’t far away, but we had skipped our way there, so as Hilary knocked on the door of Emily’s flat, I rubbed my poor feet. I would have to get a drink and have a bit of a sit down at the club.
Emily answered the door.
“Why, hello! I must say you two are looking quite dashing tonight,” Emily said, grinning.
Mathilda’s face popped up over Emily’s shoulder.
“And we must say that you two aren’t looking too bad yourselves,” Hilary laughed.
Emily and Mathilda grabbed their coats, and Emily very nearly shut the door before she remembered she hadn’t picked up her keys. Once they were safely in her bag, she shut the door, and we were on our merry way once again. It was odd, I felt like I’d already had a few drinks, and I really hadn’t!! I dreaded to think what I was going to be like when I had actually had a few drinks…
Fifteen minutes later, and we were just outside the door of the club. The bouncers had ID’d us all, of course. So, we all pulled out of ID simultaneously. I don’t think the bouncers really looked at the ID. I think they just wanted to bend down to look down our dresses… But the nodded their approval, and as we walked through the door, me and Emily poked our tongues out at the backs of the bouncers.
We paid our fee to the bored-looking lady at the desk, and walked into the club. It was huge. There was a dance floor, on the floor, but then there was a dance floor up above the dance floor! I couldn’t wait to get up there and steal the attention. Hilary, Emily and I walked aimlessly towards the lower dance floor, trying to see any of the boys. It was Mathilda who spotted them, though, and she tapped on my shoulder to grab my attention.
I turned to her, and she tried to say something to me, but as the music was so loud, she gave up and just pointed towards a bar over the far side of them room. I then prodded Hilary and Emily, and also pointed to the bar. They looked, and we all saw the boys.
Ray, Tyson, Max, Kai, Lee, Tala, Miguel and Michael were all leaning against the bar casually, clearly waiting for us to arrive. We trotted over as fast as we could in our heels, and I threw my arms around Ray’s neck. Lee raised his eyebrow at me, and so I gave my brother a hug too, just so he didn’t feel left out.
Tyson looked Hilary up and down. She raised her eyebrow at him, but he looked back up at her face, grinned, and nodded. She took this as approval, I think, because she then gave him a hug.
Mathilda had sidled up to Miguel somewhat nervously. He threw his arm around her shoulder, and gave her a kiss on the head, making her blush so scarlet, I could see her glowing in the dark. Those two made such a cute couple.
Max had hugged Emily when he saw her, and was then pushed out of the way by Michael. I sense a bit of a fight, later, between those two. Kai and Tala hadn’t given any reaction at all, but I think I saw Tala frown at me. Maybe he was just jealous because he couldn’t get away with wearing pink?
Ray, Tyson, Michael and Miguel had bought drinks for us, and we slurped on our yummy Smirnoff Ices through bright pink straws. This night was going brilliantly so far. I tapped the people nearest to me (Ray, Lee, Hilary and Tyson) and pointed upwards at the top dance floor. They nodded, and passed on the message. We all trooped off in the direction of the stairs.
Kai and Tala followed somewhat boredly.
I don’t know why I bothered to invite them. They’re so bloody anti-social.
Going up the stairs was a more difficult feat than it should have been. Girls were rushing down the stairs as fast as they could in their 6-inch-high heels, with boys latched onto them, just barging past. I had to admit, walking up (and probably down) these stairs with a drink in hand, in my 4-inch-high heels was not easy now. I couldn’t imagine what it’d be like when I’ve had a few more drinks.
We eventually made it to the upper level. Around the walls, there were couches, chairs and tables, all of which seemed to be occupied. Ray looked at me, and pointed to the dance floor. I shook my head and pointed to the couches. He nodded. This non-verbal conversation malarkey was more difficult than I had ever thought it would be.
Not that I thought I’d ever be having non-verbal conversations.
All of us took a look around, trying to spot an empty couch. There didn’t seem to be one. I sighed, not that anyone could hear me. I spotted a couch with two particularly weedy looking guys sat on it. They were watching girls go by with their eyes wide open, and drool dripping from their mouths. They were obviously hoping for a good lay.
I tapped Kai and Tala on the shoulder, and they raised their eyebrows at me. I pointed at the weedy guys, and leaned into Kai’s ear.
“Can you and Tala move those two?!” I shouted, aware that Kai still might not hear me over the music.
I drew back, and Kai nodded. He beckoned Tala to follow him, and they made their way over to the weedy guys. The rest of us watched as the two weedy guys looked up at Kai and Tala somewhat nervously. Kai glared at them, whilst Tala seemed to be shouting something over the music to them.
We all giggled as the weedy guys scampered, and Kai and Tala sat down, looking quite proud of themselves. We all joined them, and I remember now why I’d invited them out. I knew they’d come in handy.
A few drinks later, and I decided I was ready to dance. I pulled the girls up and beckoned for the boys to follow us onto the dance floor. Kai and Tala stayed where they were, which was probably a good idea. They can keep anyone from trying to steal our comfy couch.
I was boogying my little arse off, when these two girls and guy grab me. All three of them look very excited and drunk. The guy looked like he was about explode from redness. The girl took out her camera, and took a photo of me. I looked around at my friends, and they just shrugged. Ray was absolutely wetting himself laughing.
“You’re gorgeous!” one of the girls shouted into my ear, and I just grinned in a way of saying ‘thank you’.
The girls insisted on taking about twenty photos of themselves and me. They even dragged Tala away from the couch to stand next to me in a photo. They shouted something about his fabulous hair. Once they’d ran off to probably take more photos of people they don’t know, Tala went to sit back down next to Kai, looking somewhat annoyed. Kai looked quite amused.
I began dancing with my Ray, again, and to my great happiness, we were able to dance for quite a while without any interruptions. For a while. Hilary ended up poking me on my shoulder, and I turned to look at her, still boogying. She pointed to her feet, and pouted. I pouted and nodded back, and we grabbed all of our chums, and took them back to the couch.
“I’ll get you another drink!” Ray shouted to me, and he and the boys went off towards the bar.
As we were sat waiting for the boys to return, these two lads, potentially older than us walked up to our couch. We stared at them. They stared at us. Then, without warning, one of the lads grabbed my boobs!
Well, I’m definitely not having that. The boys were on their way back with the drinks, and saw what had happened. I know they were about to come over to start on these two lads, but I don’t need their help. I’m a tough girl. I grabbed his hands and wrenched them off my appendages, and then I drew back my fist and punched this guy in the stomach.
“Nice one!” Hilary shouted her approval in my ear.
The boys quickly put all the drink down on our table, and chased off the two lads. And I thought this night was going so brilliantly. I didn’t let those two blithering idiots spoil my fun, though, and I continued to be one of the main sourced of entertainment.
We continued drinking for another half an hour. We kept dancing in between drinks, but us girls had to keep sitting down because of our poor feet. I excused myself from the table, and everyone watched me leave. What? I needed to use the loo. I hadn’t been for ages!
I made my way up some little stairs, and into the ladies’. I nearly crashed into the doorframe of one of the cubicles when I went in there. I hadn’t realised I was so… Tipsy. I quickly relieved myself, not wanting to leave my chums for longer than necessary. I washed my hands, and walked out of the ladies’.
I stood still outside the door for a moment, and wobbled. I looked around and realised… I couldn’t remember which way the stairs were! People were rushing past me, not attempting to help, and so I decided to follow a bloke. He might be going to the stairs.
As I tottered behind him, he went into a room that clearly wasn’t the stairs. It was full of other men. Stood up against urinals with their… Things hanging out. Oh my God! I’d totally followed him into the men’s toilets!
“This isn’t the stairs,” I frowned, and I tottered back out again, trying not to notice the odd looks I was getting from the men.
Spotting the stairs directly ahead of me, I went down them giggling to myself. What I had done was so embarrassing, yet bloody hilarious. I made my way over to the group, and they asked me what was so funny.
“I just accidentally walked into the men’s toilets!” I yelled, and collapsed into fits of laughter, draping myself all over an uncomfortable-looking Kai.
The alcohol seemed to be effecting us all. Michael attempted to excuse himself,, but had to walk past Ray, Lee and Tyson. Michael tripped over Tyson’s foot, and fell face-first into Lee’s crotch, where he lay giggling like mad for a while, before regaining his composure, and actually going to relieve himself.
When Michael came back, he got into a heated debate with Lee and Tala about the size of their, ahem, manhood’s. Miguel and Mathilda went off to dance, and I watched them for a while. They really were so cute, and Mathilda looked so nervous. I turned my attention to the great penis debate again, where Emily was trying to convince Michael not to get it out, and Kai was trying to persuade Tala to keep it in.
Those two are so close. I know they’re best friends, and they knew each other back in the Abbey, but… Sometimes they’re just a bit too close.
I joined in with Ray who was telling Lee to keep it all in. But when Lee is drunk and discussing something rude, he has a mind of his own and will not listen to anyone’s protests. We all watched as he climbed up onto our table and ripped his clothes off, revealing the elephant thong that he’s been quite attached to recently.
I cannot believe he wears that thing out in public. Or that he’s now shown it off to the whole club.
He’s stood there with his hands on his hips, proudly showing off the elephant’s face. Our whole table has gone quiet, and even Mathilda and Miguel have come back over to see what is going on.
He is not getting down off the table.
I pass him his clothes back up to him, but he just throws them into Michael’s face. Michael is about to throw them back, when one of the bouncer people walks over with some of his burly friends… And they all grab us and throw us out onto the street!! We’re all stood there in shock as they lecture us about bad behaviour, and tell us we’re banned!
We shrug at each other, realising that there is nothing we can really do, and begin to walk home. We turn the corner into the street that will take us home quickly, and we see a girl lay on the floor, completely out of it, her two friends trying to wake her up.
“Oh my God!” Mathilda squeals a bit loudly, and rushes over to them.
We peel her away from the scene, as she’s attempting to force the two friends to phone an ambulance on her phone. We continue down the street, constantly assuring Mathilda that the girl will be alright.
Lee is dancing down the street, in just his shoes and elephant thong, completely drunk. Ray is having to carry his clothes. We stop at Emily’s, and Michael and Max race each other to give Emily a hug. They’ve all ended up in a heap on the floor, laughing their heads off. Mathilda gave Miguel a nervous kiss, and she and Emily (who eventually was able to get off the floor) retreated into Emily’s flat.
Me, Hilary and the boys were on our merry way once more. We were making so much noise, it wasn’t even funny. Well, it was. It wouldn’t have been funny if we weren’t drunk. Be we are. So it’s funny. Erm…
It didn’t take us that long to reach Hilary’s amazingly. In fact, it seemed to take no time at all. Maybe I just didn’t notice the clock ticking. I gave Ray a big wet snog, and me and Hilary stumbled down her garden path, into her house and up her stairs, trying and failing to be quiet. We collapsed onto her bed, in fits of giggles, and Hilary attempted to take off her shoes.
“I think the shoes have attached themselves to my feet,” she giggled.
“I can’t even feel my feet anymore,” I giggled back.
Reluctantly, we sat up, and took our shoes off. Not bothering to get out of our little dresses, we got into Hilary’s bed, top and tail, and lay there giggling.
“Oh tonight was a fantastic night,” Hilary said. “Just the sort of night that-”
“- we’ll want to forget in the morning?” I put in for her.
We erupted into more giggles, and I sent Ray a quick text saying I love him, before everything went quiet. As I drifted off to sleep, I let out a stray giggle at the fact that I’d walked into the men’s toilets, and that my brother had an elephant thong.
~*~
A/N: Erm... SomeGuy told me to make sure that there was a full line between paragraphs... But, it's already done it for me =S If it still all gets clumped together, then that's not technically my fault...
Over on fanfiction.net, me and this other author have created an 'elephant thong wave', where we've asked authors to worm an elephant thong into one of their stories. A lot have agreed to it, and some have already put an elephant thong into their stories. It's SO funny!!
Yes... That's me done. I hope these paragraphs are okay this time!!
