conferences tonight
i doze off half thinking
half dead
until the music comes on
its time for session
and i wake up immediately
ready to start
the music makes me angry
the music makes me sad
but i repress it with anger
the music makes me feel pained emotionally
so i replace it with tangible physical pain
my dad lectures me on
notes missing assignments and my social manners
all i can hear is the music
he says i dont have to be perfect
but how can i not work toward perfection
if thats all my subconscious wants
shadow attacks me again
with memories i dont wanna see
im in my own world to forget
how messed up my real world is
im getting high off
chemicals produced naturally in my brain
so why does it feel like im sinking deeper?
tomorrow im gonna try
to stay off the adrenaline
knowing with dread
that im gonna go through withdrawal
and get right back on the stuff
you cant save me
i cant even save myself
so dont bother
ill stay here
forever
