Greetings my darling dears > 3 <
So lately i have actually been sleeping better. And so, aha, i actually slept through a tornado. Now, i guess i don't ACTUALLY know whether it passed near my house, but i do know that my sister had to sit in the halls at school and they had to--seriously this is what they called it-- "embrace for impact" which was just leaning forward. PPPBBBBBBTTTTT! However that didn't stop me from imagining them having to start a hugging fest of goodbyes and life was good i guess till nows. BUT with all this insanity i was sleeping, dead out, no idea that this was going on.
Although i did feel bad for my puppies...one was locked in his crate and he is the one who is scared of wind and rain and fog and such crap--he must have been so scared!! T-T-- then my other dog had run upstairs to hide--because that's where she goes for that--and apparently when my mother and sister got home she was SO ANXIOUS to get downstairs SHE FELL!!! MY POOR BABY 12 YEAR OLD PHOEBE FLUFFERBUTTER FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!!!!! ...which means i can't help but wonder if i was awake would that not have happened???? But either way she is fine now, just maybe a strain or light sprain or pull or SOMETHING to her left hind leg. In fact i don't think she has even limped since then 0-o..yea?
Onto otaku related gobbledygook...............
Well, things have been slower then a snail here and i know that. Yes i suck.
Writing wise, all my original stuff is on a temporary hold. Partially because i'm a little stuck and things have sort of been jarred of the tracks and then secondly because i have decided to write a fanfic. Though really the fanfic idea is meant to help me with fixing myself in the writing world. Humorous about that, i actually have ended up with two SessKag fanfics. Aha.
Art..yes art...doodles...drawings...blah. Basically i'm in a sort of..limbo...purgatory..or something.. Currently i'm trying too, and pardon the HUGELY cliche analogy, "find myself" within my work. I'm simply unsatisfied with things the way i have been doing them and so i have just haphazardly doodling in an attempt to find where i want my art to be--looks, style wise-- sooooooo, not really sure what the life of my gallery is going to be until i get somewhere with all...that. More wallpapers could be coming, i don't know. And by that i guess i mean, wallpapers could be coming, because the one i put on deviantART and tried to put here to was DECLINED! A wallpaper that got over 130 favorites on dA was rejected here........pissed me off. I'm still going to try and put it up again though.
Ummmm....that's all i guess...OH REALLY EXCITED!! IT IS AUTUMN!!! My favorite time of year. Plus halloween is coming and my dearly beloved bestfriend and i are going to do...something..even if it's just sitting in the frontyard with a sign that reads "yes we're losers, what of it?" I'll be sure to get pics of me in my "corperate" devil costume. And by corperate, i mean that i will have on pinstriped pants. Yeah. > 3 <
Shutting up. Gonna..disappear now. *poof*
It looks like theotaku isn't being a dork anymore, so my doodle went up and then i am putting up the other two i have ^-^
soo...yeah 0-o you can view stuff now > 3 <
Something is screwed up with theotaku................
ignore any new submissions from me...they are messed up and i would prefer them to be viewed as they are intended to be T-T Although, that said, i only managed to get one up....however THREE TIMES apparently...not that it's going through correctly.....
and SINCE WHEN did two chapters of mine become writings here!? they were all rejected so i put them in worlds...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I ISH PISSED OFF! >:C
...oh and i have art...yeah...and i paused my original writings to start a fanfic for practice....it will be a SessKag fanfic...don't know if i will put it anywhere but Dokuga right now....yeah.....bye T-T
Any comers who read my latest post with concern may not realize that this isn't brand new issues or anything. I realized i may never have mentioned any of this before on this site. Ooooops!! T-T
Okay. So.
I have been a sufferer of Major Depression Disorder for a very long time. It was officially diagnosed when i finally broke down at school and subsiquently told my mother; all during my sophmore year of high school. I have been on anti-depressants since then as well as having a therapist and psychiatrist.
I also believe i have several personality disorders as well as General Anxiety Disorder, OCD(officially stated by my therapist), Sociopathic and Psychopathic repressed tendencies, and what i am calling "self aware schizophrenia".
SO basically i am not new to these feelings, the problem is i feel i am getting worse again--much worserish. I am considering asking my psychiatrist to up my dose, and i have never openly asked for a dose up, it has always been their idea. Bringing me to the highest dose i am aware of on this med that isn't considered to be still under human testing. (last i read, i believe)
I don't know what else to do. I should also try and look into attempting more types of ADHD and ADD meds. Not because i have them, but because those meds assist with focus and restlessness. Both of which i have issue with. I have tried two so far, both without success. One did nothing at all, besides possibly keeping me awake at night. And the other i felt speed my heart, and aided in landing me in the ER one early early morning/night. Luckily they got it all under control quickly...i had low potassium, then occompanied with my fast heart rate and difficulty breathing issues i felt the meds were giving PLUS taking an excedrin(all we had--contains caffine) for a headache= emotional symptomless(essentially just physical) anxiety attack of hyperventilation. If yo uhave never REALLY hyperventilated in your life...it is a very distressing hell. ANYWAYS.
Things are not pleasant in my life right now. I am also on prescribed low dose meds to help me sleep because i have not been sleeping well at all either.
Ah, what a tangled web we weave.
I just...blah...................................... T-T *cries in a corner while cuddling my The Ambassador piggie--yeah i totally did this the other day*
yeah...sadness (okay old photo totally screwed with but MAH!)
anyways.....
Lately i have been in a very bad place and i don't know when i will have something....anything up. I apologize to the very minute amount of you who read this and care at all......but that's just how things are in my world. T-T If you feel so inclined, please pray for me. It is not a well place on this side of the interwebs and i can't seem to do much about some of the known things that are being sighful...
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
i haven't slept yet...woke up at 6 pm yesterday then at around 6 am this morning i started a cleaning frenzy...and from 6 to noon i cleaned all over the place and you know what, i did it all wearing nothing but panties. ...know why? cause i wanted to, that's why.
i'm tired...kinda ache-y...deeply depressed...and just....sigh..........no friend to really talk with...well...not the two i really want to speak with the most about it... one is to preoccupied with her own issues and the other i haven't even heard from in forever and it's not like she seems to care to even bother..... plus i feel like my sister doesn't really like me at all half the time...
so far all i have is my lovely sassy gay friend, dear mr. sodomy; he has really been my only mild comfort...
sucky sucky suck...
i am not a duck...
ha ha..i made a rhyme..for i be Dr.Suess 2.0 ...fear it. or something 0-o
well....byebye my loves.......i will still be on everyday....i just can't say when anything will appear ..but i shall at least try to get something done for my darling Avarice's birthday cause i gots to try and keep my sweetie happy too! miss you my dear T-T!
*waves*
