Just a warning, but this may be a little depressing. I've been really depressed lately and just needed to write everything out.
Can you imagine being trapped? Like a rat stuck in a little cardboard box? How horrible that must be. For a long time, I could think of nothing worse. One night, I realized that there was something worse. The cruelest most deppressing thing of all would be to be stuck in a box made of glass.
A rat in a cardboard box cannot see what is going on around it. It doesn't know what it's missing; what it could be doing. However, a rat in a glass box can see the entire world going on around it and not even noticing the poor creature's exhistance. It can see all the others being happy and enjoying themselves whether he's there or not. Can you imagine how horrible that must feel?
Cardboard can be bent, ripped, or even chewed through. Upon the escape, a whole new world would open up in front of the rat. There would be so much to see and do that was completely unknown before. A glass box, on the other hand, does not bend, rip, or allow for any means of escape. If an escape was somehow pulled off, where would the poor rodent go? They've seen the ways of the world and probably have learned not to trust others so where do they fit in?
Would you rather be stuck in a dark, secluded, unknowing place or a bright, but restricting and taunting place?
I picture myself as the rat in the box of glass. My life has been decided for me. I can see everyone and the joy they're experiencing, but I cannot partake. For me, life is just a show to watch from the quiet of my little box. My parents have put me in this box. It's such a small and depressing place with no hope of escape. It seems to me that they do not plan to let me out. I often wonder what I should do. Rebel and have the box shrink? Or endure and hope that I manage to outgrow the box until it cracks and I am freed? For now, I lie in wait of a sign of hope.
It amazes me that I am able to put this into words. The seclusion of my box has made me incapable of good communication. I can't even hardly bare to touch humans anymore. My friends are all the hugging sort of people. Whenever they come near, I shrink inside my skin. They know I hate to touch people and they respect my space, however, recently they've decided to try to challenge that problem and force me to overcome it. I'm lucky to have them. Especially since I hardly talk. My box has secluded me from society as a whole. This includes: movies, music, TV shows, stores, restaurants, even brands of clothes, shoes, ect. When they try to start conversation with me, I never know what they're talking about. Most times I feel like more of a burden than anything because people can't even have small talk with me without explaining something that apparently everyone should know about.
I know this sounds depressing and maybe even like I've given up on life, but I honestly see no means to free myself. The rat is probably less helpless than I. Whatever happens, I will overcome it. Please do not worry about me too much, I'm just depressed and need to vent. As I said before, I'm not good at communication and this is way to deep for me to even attempt to tell my friends.
The internet is my best chance at the moment to communicate with others. I feel less constricted and more like I can speak my mind.
