Dear Diary,
Well, I'm over at Ben's house today! Yay! I'm not gonna make a long entry right now cause I wanna spend time with him. I know he is gonna come back to my house and spend the night buuuut, still. He wants to show me his file on Oblivion. You know that really cool game. LOL I wanted to play it but, I need an Xbox 360 or a really fast computer like Ben has.
So, Monday I'm gonna go back to the college and talk to them about financial aid. I need it. hahaa, well, yeah I really wanna go to school and soon. I miss it. But I will miss all the extra time me and Ben will be spending together.
Anyway, i guess I'm gonna finish up this post real quick. Ben left to play up fire crackers. How cute.
Ok! I just came back from the fire crackers! I'm gonna go now and spend time with my love! See you all laterz!
Dear Diary,
Well, I finally went to the college and I registered. I took the placement test and I hope I don't fail it. I have my new student orientation on July 31st. I feel like i'm gonna fail but Darrk (Ben) my boyfriend has made me feel so much better about myself. thank you so much Ben! I love you lots!
Well, through the rest of the Summer I am going to continue my Algebra studies cause math is not my strong suit whatsoever. I wish I was better at it honestly. then I wouldn't feel the need to drop the makor that I want so much. Virology takes a lot of Algebra... but Ben told me that he would hate to see me drop my drea,s over an obstacle... I guess he is right. I just need to work harder and study a lot more... more than I am now I guess... ugh I hate math. But I'm gonnatake my old math teachers advice "Just pretnd that you love this stuff!" Mrs. Cruz was my favorite math teacher. I actually learned everthing she taught me. I miss her.
Well, this Summer is almost ending. I'm gonna rest and study and hang out for the remainder if the Summer too. Me and Ben are gonna go to the Warped Tour! At least I hope. We need a ride and some money to go and eat there and stuff. But I think I'm paying for both tickets. Once I have a job, I will be able to start saving money better. At least I hope! I am gonna start a bank account with my first paycheck.
Well, my time is almost expired on this computer. I guess I will talk to you all laterz! I typed this thing pretty fast. Please excuse any typos. BYE BYE!
Dear Diary,
So, I finally graduated and wow I never thought i would actually get my diploma. I passed all my classes and I finally applied to HCC, a community college, and I am looking for a job. However, Florida has gone on a hiring freeze which is pretty bad.
Now, for my love life: Me and that one lust moved on, well sorta, I'm trying to get rid of him because I want to give all my love and attention to the one I truly and most definably love with all my heart and soul. Seriously, I don't think I can find anyone who respects, loves and really cares about me that much. Hes amazing. And I am so serious. But I am still waiting for him to get his bearings straight. That's what I really want.And then we can finally reunite! I can't wait. I just hope he pulls through with this.
So, tomorrow, I have to get ready for a two day yard sale. I'm selling all my old clothes and also all my old junk and some things that are still special to me. We need to make a thousand dollars before the month of July. I hope we can do it. There was a fire in my house on Memorial DAy and my mom was severely burned all over her arm and stomach. So shes been out of work and that's where the money collapse happened. I really hope things change.
Well, I am gonna get going. I haven't really been on theotaku very much lately mostly cause I just haven't found the time. Hope to hear from some of you guys.
Talk to you all laterz!
Dear Diary,
Well, I guess I am stuck in that rut again... I hate this. I have the mixed feelings about certain people and I know I am now an emotional wreck. i hate this.... I love someone sooo much but then all these small strange feelings are coming back to me about this one person but they aren't so strong like the way I feel towards the other one... I just feel like the worst person in the whole world....
I can feel myself changing now.. I'm the same like I used to be when I was younger. My clothing has changed, my music, and my thoughts and perceptions have changed too... I don't know how to stop it but I guess there is nothing I can really do about then... But I hate the way I feel while I'm changing. I feel like a butterfly constantly changing it's wings.... Or a snake always changing it's skin... It's so annoying but I know it's part of life... I think?
I jeep thinking to myself that there is one person so far who has always shown me kindness and forgave me of all the stupid things I've done... who calls me every night to tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and how great I am! Even if I don't believe it... I still appreciate his love. So much and I wonder if he knows how much I care about him? I hope he does but I don't think he has been told... by me... at least. He is so amazing and special to me. I couldn't see myself without him and his love is genuine and wonderful. He comforts me in the worst of times and he comforts me in the best of times... but he doesn't know who I am. I'm like that free spirit that is always being chased. I don't like to stay in one place. I change so often and my feelings change a lot.... but I know I love him so much. If he was willing to actually deal with me even though I change so often.. then I know he really really does love me... but no one has ever wanted to do that.... and it hurts me to know that one day... he will give up on me. Thats just how my life works. It brings me to tears every single fucking time I think about that. But I cannot blame him even though I won't ever be happy. But that is very selfish of me to feel this way.
Other than my feelings I have been feeling the stress of losing my home and not being able to get to school or anywhere because of no transportation.... this is horrible because I only have one month left of school and then I am going to graduate! I need a ride to school and my mom needs to start working again! Everything is just building up and all I can do is sit back and watch it all fall apart... I can't get a job because I don't have any trasportationa nd I live to far to walk anywhere. I just need some help. And lots of guidence. Lots of that. But I don't trust too many people at all to listen to all my problems... Last time that happend bad things happened.... Really bad things which is pribably why I don't trust if I do and something bad happends I kill myself inside thinking about how stupid I was. Once someone breaks my trust, I will not usualluy forgive unless I truly love you.
Well, i guess I should be going now. I'm stuck at the library all alone. i'm gonna walk up to the school and try to find my sister. I'm kinda bored over here. None of my friends are here so yeah... I guess there is no reason to stay. I will talk to you later sometime again. I don't know when though. I kinda spilled a lot of my feelings already. I guess thats not really good but I need to get some things off my chest you know? I don't know if anyone's felt like that but i'm kinda sure that people have before. Until then my friends. I hope everything has been good for you all.
Dear Diary,
Well, I realized that I have not been on here in quite sometime. A lot has happened since I wrote my last entry. Conflicts between friends, heart aches within relationships, stress at home, at school and changes in everyday life just got the better of me and now I am worn out and catching a cold... maybe something even worse.... *sighs* that would be bad.
School is almost over. Spring Break is next week. So on Monday I don't even have to stress the waking up for school early part or anything at all! I just have to write an essay through the break but that won't be a problem at all. I just have to make sure it gets done on time or my final grade will look so poor. I am getting kinda lazy in school now.... which is bad. I am finally picking my grades up which are currently C's and D's and B's. That is horrible! I never once had a D or C for this long and progress reports go out tomorrow I think. I want to graduate so bad but if I have low grades then I won't be able to exempt the exams I need to exempt and I will fail them and then.... The worst will happen! You know what that would be too. NO NO NO! I won't let that happen. Never ever.
Friends at school are back to normal too. But I still feel hurt by the effects of it. I don't really wanna go into too much details but I will let you know that it was painfull to bear it. Almost losing a friend that you are very close to you can kill you. A friend of mine who I love so much I feel is on the verge of defriending me... He has every right too I mean... I did break up with him and all and I know how awkward it can be to be around someone that you have had a romantic relationship with... I understand how he feels.
I am also very sorry that I haven't been on the chat in forever. I don't really have a working computer at home and this library blocks chat sites because of perves and stupid little girls who like to have online sex or give out to much information on someone they hardly know on chat sites so I'm stuck with missing you guys alot. I'm just posting this entry to let you all know I AM NOT DEAD!!! Not dead yet at least.... *laughs* I'm kidding don't worry.
Now I don't wanna bore you with my life because i know you aren't very interested at all in this entry. So I am going to go now and I will post back again sometime. Feel free to comment and let me know you all still care. Take care you guys. Love ya!
