Dear Diary,

Well, it's been quite a while since I've actually posted on here... sorry... I have been going through alot and I actually changed a little bit... So many things have been going through my mind like right now. I know... I hate when this happens but I can't help it. I have that tendacy to hurt everything thta is in my life. Or I hurt myself even more than other people. I wish I wasn't like that. But I am.

One of the major things I have been thimking about is my future. This is crazy but I wanna live and go crazy and have lotsa fun. I want to go to college and travel and grow. I want to get my life started. Once I graduate from high school Everything is going to change!!!!!! This scares me... because I know that when I say everything, I mean complety everything and this makes me feel bad... but also relieved in a sad way... It's been a while since I changed and now I am fully healed from all the troubles that I went through last year and I can't wait to experience life. I was thinking to myself last night "Man, I don't wanna be stuck here while I'm not in school. What am I going to do once I'm out of high school? I want to get a job and go directly to college. No stalling because thats not good. I know it takes money but I will get a student loan, a grant a scholarship SOMETHING! If not any of those then I will work for it and get my ass on a roll!

I really want people in my life to get on a roll to! I want to start growing with them but some people won't change... I feel bad though because I may leave them behind even when I really really do not want to... It sounds harsh but I can't be held back from my dreams and I am like my grandma, "Never let anyone bring you down." She would say. I hate doing that though because I never want to lose any friends or people that I love. I have changed a lot in my life and I know that moving on is the hardest thing to do in this life and I know that it hurts people so bad and since I change so much.. people tend to not like me...

I guess, what I gotta do is think through everything. All the changes will take before and after I graduate... I hope all goes well with that too... I just gotta keep moving on though. Thats what life is all about right?