This sucks. I don't even know why I'm posting about it because I'm not going to be specific. This is stuff that's a bit too personal for me to put out on the Internet. I guess I just had to vent. I don't know. It's been better recently and this usually passes but I don't know, it still really sucks so bad. So basically there's some stuff I did that I knew wouldn't end well but I did it anyway, and GUESS WHAT? That's right. It's not ending well. SURPRISE! I feel so dumb, not because I made a mistake but because I can't seem to stop making the same freaking mistake more or less every day. I just want to curl up into a little ball but I'm too keyed-up to stay that way. And I can't really talk to anyone about this in real life anymore, hence the Internet ranting. My best friend will sometimes listen, but she doesn't want me to "Drag her down with my negativity." She should know better than anyone that being this way is not my choice, but sometimes she still acts like it's my fault and if I would just put on a big smile and blah blah blah about how beautiful everything is my life would be awesome. Guess what. Things just don't feel so fucking awesome right now. End of story. Not that it's her fault or anything. I don't mean to blame her, because the fact that this has continued on so long is pretty much my fault and my fault alone. I did dumb things when I knew better and this is what happens. It's like my punishment that never fails and now I just have to wait it out. It's just that I always listened to her. Always. Still do. I have a hard time trusting anyone enough to talk face-to-face anyway. So here I am hiding behind my computer screen and being infuriatingly vague on the Internet...sorry. I can be a very depressing person, I know that.