Guess what?
I finally talked to the DoucheBag.
(Elijah, because he can be sometimes xD)
Haha.
It's like 3 a.m. my time. Jesus christ, he needs to go to sleep >:
I do, too, but my friend is spending the night xD
She's dead on the couch.
I MISS YOU! :3
<3
"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."
So; this isn't going to be a long post.
I've been packing all day, and I still have more to pack.
I have three bags for one week.
Going to England is going to be hell on the amount of luggage. D:
I'm leaving tomorrow, until Friday.
No cell phone. No laptop. Nothing.
I'm going to camp, and I'm getting away.
I'll miss you guys.
Will someone post for me?
Djayy or Jack. If you see this, would you?
I'm really tired. So I'm going to leave now.
Goodnight! Bye!
p.s;
I might post tomorrow before I leave, don't bet on it.
-I love you.
Kitt.
Seriously, I'm crying. I'm really going to miss a few people.
My bessie, my twin, my besties. Jack. Oh lord, I'm gonna miss that kidd.
It isn't what we mean do to do; it's what we do.
Our actions have consequences, everything we do will intervene with other lives. Everything.
Small, or big, we have to understand as humans, as compassionate beings, with feelings, that everyone else feels too. We have to think about humanity as a whole. The greater good if you will, we can't just think of ourselves!
Forgive me for saying, but we as individuals, fail. Epically. I was recently told by someone, that they didn't mean to hurt me. See the thing is, few people rarely mean to hurt others. But it happens! Daily! I'm not saying I'm above this, that would be ludicrous. I dislike hurting others, but I do. I go about my life, ignoring what happens to others around me, and for this I'm sorry.
This post will not be the best, nor will it likely to be read, but I'm writing this to inform. I want to inform whoever does read this, that they have the ability to hurt others. That everyone has this ability, and right beside it, they have the ability to heal.
Although this post isn't about write or wrong. Saints or villains, because, in my mind, there is no fine line. We all have hate, and we all have love.
Anyone is capable of anything, our actions, prove this. Please don't think you're above hurting others, or healing others.
Our actions, every single one of them decide our fate. The fact that I'm writing this, is an action that will rebound throughout lives. I hope the fact that you're reading this will too.
"But I'd long ago learned not to be picky in farewells. They weren't guaranteed or promised.You were lucky, more than blessed, if you got a good-bye at all."
— Sarah Dessen (The Truth About Forever)
There's nothing like dying to make you appreciate life.
Or put everything in perspective.
My heart stopped beating today.
Simply stopped. No pain. No thoughts. Nothing.
If I had felt anything at all, it would have been peace.
I didn't see a white light. I didn't see Jesus.
I saw nothing, and yet I saw everything.
Not my life flashing before my eyes.
I understood everything, and understood nothing.
I no longer believe in miracles; it should be the other way around correct?
But do you know what the definition of a miracle is?
Miracle:An extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs.
I'm not sure how much I believe in divine intervention, I do however still, and always believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate. I believe in destiny.
Fate:The will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do.
Destiny:Something to which a person or thing is destined.
I died for a reason, I was brought back for a reason. A reason I may not know now, but I was. I my fate has not yet been sealed. I was meant to live.
Dying, non being, and yet being, well, made me feel alive.
Now, frail as I am, with my little heart monitor, I'm alive.
How often we take this for granted, how often do we wish we were dead?
I myself am guilty of this more than I should be, but this has changed.
I know the truth about forever, that it is now. That forever is happening and if I want forever for the end, I need to have it now.
I want you all to remember this, remember how precious and frail human life really is. Remember that I, your friend, died today. Remember I live now. Remember life is short, and sometimes, we don't have forever. Sometimes our forever is now.
BACKUP;
;some info you might need to know.
I was born July 20th, 1991, I wasn't born premature, nor was I born late.
I however was granted the gift of an undersized heart.
My heart is literally two sizes too small.
Which my friends often joke, it seriously is my gift.
Because in their eyes, I have a large heart full of love for many.
That I was given this heart to show the world how big your heart should be.
I often think I was simply given the short end of the stick, and I have a small heart.I think this because it physically hurts to have such a small heart. My cynical point of view on the reason why I have such a small heart is because of this.
I grew up in hospitals, because of my heart, and because my sister also has a condition which requires constant care. So last night when we had to make yet another visit, I didn't worry. Yet now I am. My heart is hurting very badly. Perhaps the worst it has ever been. Apart from this pain I have another pain, which has turned out to be ovarian cysts.
My small heart can only take so much, it gives, and gives, and I love, and I love.And here it is, hurting me, bringing tears to my eyes. I'm going back to the hospital to run some more tests to figure out why it keeps hurting.
My small heart may in fact be killing me.
