Well, as some of you have noticed, (or perhaps not) I haven't exactly been active.
I'm not here to say I will be, although that had been my plan, to mange a few posts up over break.
I offer many excuses, none of which matter to some of you who go without replies, although they matter to me.The play and forensics is taking so much time. I have to prepare for so much, and now the Thespian tournament is coming up soon. I have to perform for that too.I'm working my bum off at my lousy job to help pay for college and my spring break trip.
My time goes to my friends and my family. My schoolwork, my job, and boyfriend.
Recently however I was put in the position of loosing my job and of loosing my home. I'm considering, and my boyfriend and I are in search of an apartment. I'm a senior, and I know it won't be easy, although I know I've had worse.
At the moment I need to go to the doctor and have some tests run. I'm not feeling myself now, and I won't know what to do if I think what I think. Nor will my boyfriend.
Today Clifton (my boyfriends) grandmother passed on. I'm in tears thinking of his pain, his anguish. Along with my own, I'm very distraught, as if I can't believe she's gone.
I've lost so many people in my life, I understand his pain. I may not understand why, or ever get used to it, but I understand the pain, the ache. I will be there for him.
So with my pain and my busy life, please excuse my absence.
Memories of the past are like chapters in a novel; We can always flip through the pages, but we can never feel exactly what we felt the first time we read those words.
So many words I could speak. So many apologies that could come from my lips.
Would any of it matter? No. The words I type are the words I say.
I haven't written anything, and I mean anything in months. Sure, I've attempted to post once or twice on my role play sites. I've written papers for school and for college applications. My next sentence can go unread, as it states the complete obvious. I haven't written anything or posted anything (of value) on here in months.
As I said above, no words I can muster will ever be able to fully express how terrible I feel.Although I'm not even sure anyone reads this. I'm not sure anyone really cares about my life. But I'm going to feel this way, even if I only have one person who cares if I've fallen off the face of the earth.
The truth is, I can offer any number of excuses. Senior year is too stressful. My finical situation with college isn't perfect. Maybe I could say I'm spending time with my boyfriend; Clifton. I could say I'm also hanging out with friends. Even the wide statement: I have a life now...So much can fit between the lines.
All of the above is true, yet none of them matter. I've been ignoring all of my online friends. Yes, I know they can't hug me like Lijah, or kiss me like Clifton. Yet they're there for me just the same. I love them just the same, those who are reading this, I DO love you.
I can't control when I'm online anymore. I will check things, I will do my best. I will not forget you all again, for so long. I will keep living my life to the fullest, yet I will not, I repeat I will not stop my life to update. I can't do that anymore, I just can't.
On His Plan For Your Mate
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God say to a Christian, “No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved be me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
“I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you can’t imagine. I want you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest things, and know that I Am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait!
“Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have received. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
“And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful that you would ever imagine. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have planned and prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me…and this perfect love.”
“Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly, I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied.
when you're busy making your excuses;
I know, I'm still cute as ever. (:
I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
I'm sorry you couldn't see.
I'm here for you, forever.
Simply being me.
I love you.
Well. I'm not single.
I have a boyfriend. Wow.
Okay. <3
