Chapter 4: Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Kagome took a deep breath, thoroughly enjoying the crisp, clean air. “Come on Inuyasha,” Kagome cried out, holding out her hand towards the irked hanyou. First her family had laughed at the boy for his incident with the kitchen mixer and next they forced him to wear these ridicules looking clothes. He and Kagome had almost made it out of the door when Kagome’s mother had poked her head out of the kitchen where she was trying to control the unruly mess their baking had created. “Where are you going Kagome?”
Kagome had smiled, “Oh, I figured me and Inuyasha could take a walk while the cookie dough chilled. You said you would not need us for awhile, right?”
Kagome’s mother nodded. “Well, if you are going for a walk Inuyasha certainly can’t go out into the cold like that.” The older women pointed out, taking in the hanyou’s old fashion attire and bare feet. “Give me a moment and I will find him something warmer to wear.”
The next thing Inuyasha knew he was being ushered back into the house and Kagome’s mother was trying to force him into some strange, ridiculous looking, and not to mention bulky clothing. He had not protested the cap and the coat very much. The cap was a deep red and kept the bitterly cold wind off the relatively sensitive and thin skin of his triangular ears. Also, the cap had plenty of extra room around his ears so it did not pinch or smother them like the baseball caps he was normally forced to wear. The trench coat was bearable too. Though it was heavy and had a neat line of baffling fastenings that Kagome had had to help him with, the trench coat hid his fire rat clothing and sword so Kagome did not force him to leave them behind.
But these stupid rubber shoes were another thing entirely. The hanyou had never liked it when he was forced in to sneakers let alone these torture devices that kagome called “boots”. His poor feet were stuffed into their confines. They made his feet sweat and the backs of them were rubbing the skin off his heels. Kagome had tried to assure him that it was just because they were new and that once they were “broken in” they would feel better. Somehow he doubted it.
Inuyasha was torn between sulking and taking advantage of one of the rare times Kagome had motioned for him to take her hand. Finally he decided that he had pouted enough to get his message across. Any more pouting might result in and abrupt and resounding sit. He obligingly held out his hand. “Where are we going anyway?” he asked as they passed the shrine and headed towards the streets of Tokyo. He secretly hoped she was not planning to take a stroll in the city. The winter brought a noticeable increase in the already significant stench that always stung his nose in his few trips there. Kagome had once told him that the increase was caused by people burning fuel to heat their homes in the winter, but he had gotten confused when she tried to explain any farther.
Kagome smiled as she snatched up the offered hand through her gloves, the one thing he had not forced into due to his sharp claws, and smiled at him as she surveyed the ice encased landscape. “There is a park not too far from here. I thought that we could take a walk through it.”
Inuyasha nodded in approval, trying to ignore the slight blush rising to his face when Kagome took his hand, tugging him forward to catch up with her. Instead of dropping his hand the moment he fell in step beside her the young women merely entwined their fingers and continued walking. Inuyasha’s blush deepened as he tried to ignore the increasing pace of his pulse. Instead, he tried to focus on the world around them. The streets around Kagome’s house were much less crowded then usual and the sidewalks had a smooth shiny sheet of ice on them. In the distance he could hear children laughing. When they turned the corner he could see a group of them rolling giant balls of snow in the small yard. Beside them, an impressive sized snowmen had already been assembled, a colorful face painted on it along with a set of flowers and a sloppy looking tie. (A. N any of you with siblings or children give them a spray bottle with food coloring in it. Your yard will become a comical work of art)
Inuyasha paused to admire the children’s work for a moment, pulling kagome to a stop as well. The children beamed a toothy smile at them when they realized they had admirers. Two watchful mothers smiled from the porch at the two teens where they had been catching up over hot chocolate as the children played.
“Kagome, they made colorful snow people.” Inuyasha remarked smirking.
“You have seen snowmen before Inuyasha?” Kagome asked in surprise. She
had never seen any snowmen in the villages during the winter. She was not too surprised when she thought about it. In a logical perspective (A. N. sorry been reading star trek fanfiction) it made sense. The villagers had very little means of getting medicine besides what the local healer had stored up so risking a child’s life just so they can play in the snow did not make much sense.
Inuyasha nodded at her question. “Yeah. When I use to live at the palace with my mom. "After he said this the boys face turned thoughtful. Kagome saw his brow furrow and the boy’s cap fell an inch telling Kagome his ears were flat against his head in agitation.
“What’s wrong Inuyasha?” Kagome asked gently. The boy hesitated before opening his mouth as if he was about to reply. Before he could, suddenly a snowball came whizzing through the air to hit the hanyou square in the back. The young boy growled, throwing himself protectively in front of Kagome. Three guilty and scared looking boys ducked under a home made snow fort. Kagome shot them an amused and reassuring look, but noticed that the fear still remained in their eyes. Abruptly, Kagome realized that the boy before her was still growling. Inuyasha’s body was stiff, tense as if a demon was standing before him not a small group of playful boys armed with harmless snowballs. Kagome studied Inuyasha’s face and saw that the boy’s eyes were clouded over, as if he was seeing something totally different then the scene before him. “Inuyasha? Kagome called giving the boy a gentle shake.
Inuyasha did not hear her. Instead, Inuyasha was standing on a completely different road in a completely different time watching a completely different scene. He was watching himself running. He was five years old and a group of village children were chasing him. His lungs burned and his side hurt. There were half-formed bruises on his arms in the shape of finger marks. Balls of ice hit his back, sending shooting pain up his spine. He yelled back for the children to please stop. He begged them. The children just laughed. “Half-breed, freak.” They yelled. He ran harder, hoping that if he just kept running somehow they would leave him alone. Somehow he could escape them and all the hate they represented.
“Inuyasha.” Inuyasha felt warm arms snake around him, pulling him away from the icy grip of his memories. He closed his eyes as her inviting scent washed over him like a tide, wiping away all the painful memories that were threatening to consume him. Inuyasha suddenly realized that he was shaking, his hand clenched into fist. His claws were digging painfully into his palms. Sighing, he relaxed his fist and wrapped his arms around Kagome, trying to steady his shaky breathing. “It’s ok Inuyasha. Your ok.” He heard the young girl whisper
Another shutter went through him as he felt the sting of tears behind his eyes. Glancing over the girl’s shoulder, he saw the three snowball throwers peaking over their forts and giving him both apologetic and fearful looks. I’m ok. They didn’t mean anything. They were just playing. I’m ok, he thought. He gave the boys a small smile, hoping that this would help relieve the anxiety swirling in his stomach. He felt Kagome start to pull back and released his hold on her reflexively.
Kagome sighed in relief when she pulled back and saw that the golden eyes before her were clear, though still full of sadness and lingering fear. “Are you ok, Inuyasha?”
Inuyasha nodded. “Yeah.” He said his voice shaking slightly.
Kagome grabbed his hand. Noting that the two mothers sitting on the porch were staring at them with a slightly concerned look on their faces, she decided it might be best if they moved on. Biting her lip, she gave the boy’s hand a slight tug to continue walking. The boy complied and they walked several blocks in silence. Kagome glanced over at the boy as they walked and was relieved to see the tremors that were going through the boy when she embraced him were slowly dissipating.
The park came into view and kagome tugged the boy towards it. When she did she suddenly noticed the cloth of her glove felt damp. Inuyasha, deep in thought over the sudden flashback, jumped when Kagome abruptly released her grip on his hand and, instead, pulled his hand out, palms up, to examine it. When she did she gasped. Inuyasha looked down at his hand and realized that it was bleeding, had been for some time. “Oh Inuyasha, how did this happen?
Pulling Inuyasha over to a bench, Kagome removed her glove. Inuyasha watched intently as the young girl examined his palm before reaching down to scoop up a handful of snow. She gently rubbed the cold material over his palms, washing away the blood to revel a row of small half moon shaped indents. Inuyasha blushed as he realized that his claws must have broken the skin when his hands balled up into fist during the painful memory. Kagome frowned and ran a finger over the small wounds causing Inuyasha to flinch. “Sorry.” She whispered.
The two teens sat in silence for a few minutes before Kagome sighed. Hesitating for a moment she finally turned towards the hanyou and spoke.
“What happened back there Inuyasha?” she whispered quietly.
Inuyasha blushed. Having recovered on their quiet walk to the park he was
feeling very foolish for the way he had reacted back there. After all, it was just a few weak human boys with a few snowballs. He was no longer a weak five year old facing a group of older village kids. Looking away he replied stubbornly, “Nothing.”
Kagome didn’t believe him. He could tell by the look on her face, a mixture of worry and frustration that made Inuyasha feel slightly ashamed. He could not help but feel defensive, feeling like he needed to hide his weaknesses from others, but she has always been nice to him. She invited him to her house for the holidays, into her family. That should count for something right? Inuyasha heard Kagome sigh and again run a finger across the claw marks. She’s not going to force me to tell her. She’s not even going to sit me. Inuyasha realized. Looking away he began to debate with himself.
“It happened when I was little,” Kagome looked up at the young boy in surprise. Inuyasha was staring into the snow, his face flickering between determination, pain, and indecision. She waited for him to speak again. When the boy didn’t she bit her lip, unsure of whether or not to encourage him. But the boy sighed and continued.
******************************************************************************
“It was about mid winter, and I had just turned five. Two days after my birthday a big snow storm hit. The palace was covered in snow. My mother was thrilled. She always loved the winter, especially the snow. She would tell me that when the snow came back it would blanket the world in a shield of purity that would wash away all the darkness in the world with its blanket of white. She loved to go out after it snowed. I remember how she would wrap me up in so much cloth I would hardly be able to move and we would go out into the courtyard to play in the snow together. I loved it. We would make snow cones and sculpt things. Once we even made a fort just like those boys had. It was built so well that I could still play inside half way through spring. She would tell me all kinds of stories to and we would act them out. I was always the brave and courageous warrior who would sweep in and save the princess.” Inuyasha smiled as he remembered the way his mother would sit for hours inside the house and watch the snow fall, but just as soon as that smile had blossomed his face darkened
“That year my mother was had come down with a persistent cold. She was constantly coughing and was weak in the mornings. The healer advised her to stay inside and away from the cold. My mother was devastated. I remember how upset I was too when she told me that we could not go out and play in the snow. After that big storm I begged her to let me go out alone. I told her that I would be extra careful and come in the minute she called for me. I could tell that she was reluctant but as much as she loved the snow she could not keep me from enjoying it. Eventually, she agreed.”
“I should have stayed in the court yard, but I could hear the other kids playing over the wall. I was bored because mom was not there to play with me and the other kids sounded like they were having so much fun. I told myself that I would just peek around the corner to see what they were doing then I would come right back. When I did I saw that they were making snowmen in the gardens. I wanted to join in. At first they were nice. One girl even moved over and allowed me to push the body around for awhile. It wasn’t until I was bent over and trying to push it that the boy knocked me down. I fell into the snow. I tried to struggle to my feet but the other boys grabbed me. They were older and stronger. I told them to let go and tried to get out from their grip, but they were too strong. Next thing I know another boy was smearing snow into my face. It was cold and I couldn’t breathe. I thrashed my head as far as I could. The snow must have been partially frozen because the next thing I know I tasted blood. That’s when I got really scared.”
“I guess I was bleeding pretty badly because the girl screamed. The boys were so shocked when she did that their grip loosened long enough for me to get away. It didn’t help. They started to chase me…” Kagome flinched, mesmerized by the hanyou’s story. The boy sat stiffly on the bench his eyes lowered, studying the half moon indents on his palm. Kagome wanted to embrace him, to hold him and tell him that everything was alright. She wanted to comfort the boy, but was too afraid. The boy’s eyes were glazed, his face hauntingly impassive, but the boy looked so vulnerable. He was like a delicate piece of glass that would shatter if touched.
The boy shuttered as he continued. “I was young and scared so I ran, but I did not run back towards the palace. I was confused and terrified. The village kids began to laugh. They were taunting me, calling me a half-breed and a freak. I began to cry so hard I could not see where I was going anymore. That’s when they started throwing snowballs at me. Only the snow was wet so they were hard and icy. It felt like they were shooting arrows into my spine. I cried. I begged them to stop. Finally one of those ice balls came flying through the air and hit me on the head. I guess it knocked me out for awhile because the next thing I know I wake up on the ground. It was dark and I was freezing. The kids were gone. I guess after I was knocked out they lost interest in me. I jumped to my feet and was going to run home when I realized that I did not know which way to run. I was so scared when they were chasing me that I didn’t remember where I was running. All I knew is that I was alone.” Inuyasha sighed and looked away, coming out of his painful reverie. He felt stupid for telling Kagome all of this. Even more ashamed at how weak he felt. It had happened years ago in a different century but it still made him tremble. “It took my mother three hours of wading around in the snow to find me. The doctor told her to give up and that I would be dead by now from the cold. She told her that she would be too if she stayed outside, but my mother did not give up. The doctor said I was fine, but two days later my mother got a fever from being out in the cold. It almost killed her. All because I wanted to play in the snow. I never left the house the rest of the winter. I stayed with her.” The boy finished quietly
******************************************************************************
Blushing, Inuyasha looked over at Kagome trying to still the fearful fluttering in his stomach. She is going to think me weak. A pathetic half-breed who is afraid of snowballs.
“Kagome?!” Inuyasha questioned in surprise, worry flooding his senses when he saw the crystalline tears streaking down her face. I made her cry he thought slightly panicked. Reflexively he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. Instead, Kagome flung herself into the hanyou’s arms.
“Oh Inuyasha you must have been so scared.” The young women moaned tearfully, burying her face into the crook of his shoulder.
“Keh, it was a long time ago.” Inuyasha responded flushing red at the
new embrace. Timidly, he lowered his chin to rest it on her head, running his fingers through her hair. Is that why she is crying. Over something that happened so long ago. Crying because of the way they treated me? Inuyasha felt sort of touched by this prospect. Sighing, he tenderly rubbed the back of the girl in his arms. “Come on Kagome don’t cry please.”
Kagome pulled away slightly blushing. She felt foolish for being so emotional. Looking up at the boy who was holding her, she was glad to see that the tortured expression was already fading away. Smiling she set her head back against his shoulder and looked over the frozen park. “Inuyasha?”
“Hm,” the young boy responded absentmindedly, still stroking the girl’s long raven colored hair.
“Are you ever mad at them? The villagers I mean. They are so mean to you, but besides the time Kiko betrayed you I never heard of you hurting them. Most demons would tear them apart.” Kagome closed her eyes when she felt the boy in her arms pull back slightly. She hated herself for ruining the moment but she had to know. She had been curious about this for a long time now. She had heard that demons like his brother killed humans with little provocation, But Inuyasha was different. Sure he growled and glared. His yell could give a man a heart attack, but he never killed (A. N this is pre the true for incident yes I know about that.)
Inuyasha growled at the mention of Kiko. Yes after her betrayal he went mad. He was so angry at everything then, but other than that he had never attempted to kill anything that had not attacked him first. Even then he avoided it if it was human. In a way they would deserve it, the villagers. They took away so much from him. His mother’s happiness, his father’s life and his childhood. If they could have they would have killed him the night he was born. He remembered the time he had ran to his mother in tears asking her why they hated him so much.
“You got to forgive them Inuyasha. They don’t mean to be cruel. They
just can’t help it. You got to become like the snow. Don’t let them taint your purity with their blackened hate. Keep trying and eventually you will overcome it. You will change them. Someday your love and strength will turn their black hearts white.”
Inuyasha shivered and looked into Kagome’s waiting eyes. “No one can fight what they are Kagome. How can I expect them to forgive me for what I am if I don’t forgive them for what they are?” Inuyasha struggled to explain. “They don’t mean to be cruel. They just can’t help it.” Inuyasha looked away his arms tightening around Kagome. He had tried for years to do what his mother had said. To become pure and untainted like the snow. It had not worked.
But he did learn something from the snow. He learned how to be cold. To create a barrier around him and the outside world. He could never do it as well as his brother, the ice queen, but by wrapping himself in a harsh cold exterior he could stop himself from getting hurt. By shouting and acting arrogant he could wear people down and like the savage winter wind bite into a person’s defense till they backed away. As long as he kept his soul wrapped in ice he would never have to run in fear again.
The young women in his arms stirred. Inuyasha barely noticed wrapped up so tightly in his thoughts. That is until he felt the warm lips brush gently over his cheeks and forehead (A.N nope not the lips. Be patient.). Inuyasha felt a rush of warmth fill him unsure if it was from the crimson blush rising to his cheeks or the sudden rush of calm comfort that flowed through him wiping away any melancholy thoughts. Surprised Inuyasha stared at the beautiful blushing women in his arms. Raising a hand up to rub the place her lips just were, he asked, “What was that for Kagome?”
Kagome blushed. “Nothing really, just for you being so forgiving and sweet. For you just being . . . You.” she whispered. Inuyasha’s heart fluttered at this. Unconsciously, he pulled the girl closer, wishing they could stay like this forever. She liked him the way he was. Not demon as his brother thought he ought to be and not human like Kiko desired, but just himself. Suddenly, Inuyasha felt more safe and loved in Kagome’s arms at this moment then he had in years. He just prayed it would last and held on tight.
Kagome cuddled to him for a few more seconds then pulled herself away. “Well it’s been almost an hour. We should get back.” The two teens rose. To Kagome’s surprised Inuyasha reached out and took her hand. Blushing she smiled. The teens walked back to the house in a comfortable silence.
