PS. I love you: Inuyasha’s letter
Dear Kagome,
You know for someone who lives hundreds of years in the future with volumes of knowledge beyond any of our understanding, you can be so stupid sometimes. What were you thinking running off like that, without an explanation, without any warning but a note left behind at the well? You said that I could never understand the reasoning behind your departure and you were right. I can’t. I don’t understand how you could rationalize that you were not needed here. How could you just give up and decide that we were better off without you. That we were safer and could be happier without you at our side. Let me tell you Kagome that you were wrong.
You say that the last few years were the best of your life. You state that all of us have touched you in some way, but you never stopped to consider the possibility that you have touched us too. Shippo loves you. He depends upon you as any child would a mother. You have always been there to comfort and calm him when he was afraid or care for him when he got sick. Ever since his father died, you have been his everything. So how could I tell him that you are not coming back now? How can I sit at night and listen to him cry for you but not being able to do anything to comfort him. He needs you. I know what its like not to have anyone. Don’t do that to him.
Sango says she understands your reasoning’s and that she only wishes you to be happy, but I can tell she is lying. She has considered you a sister just as much as you considered her to be one. You have helped her to get over the major lost of her family and helped her to realize the ability she has to love Miroku. S She saw you as a family member and now you are gone. She has already lost Kohaku and everyone in her village. Now she thinks that she is going to lose you. I can see that that tears her apart inside. I know that she does not want to be selfish so she won’t protest you leaving. But I know she wants you to come back too.
Miroku also misses you even though he does not show it. Damn stoic monk. You’re not the only one who has benefited from your friendship. How many times have you offered him advice of your own? Advice that has helped him move past that perverted façade he tries to project and show how much he truly cared for Sango. How many times have your words helped him to avoid pushing her away? Without you here, he is hopeless and will end up being beaten to death by Sango before the month is out. Without you he will ruin everything has accomplished so far. He needs you too.
And me Kagome, you have helped me in so many ways. Not just by releasing me from that cursed arrow. Not just by keeping my demon side at bay and stopping me from killing, but you have helped me learn to live again. When Kikyo pinned me to that tree the part of me that cared for people died. Until you came along all caring for people, ever got me was someone I loved being hurt or killed. And after Kikyo’s betrayal, I decided to lock that part of me away so no one else could hurt me again. But something happened. You came walking through the woods one day, strange scandalously clad women who looked upon me and did not feel fear. YOU did not hate me for being a half-breed nor did you run for me. Though I was helpless and powerless you did not move to kill me as anyone else with the opportunity would. Instead, you were willing to help me. You trusted me without any reason too. I could have killed you the second you released me from that tree, but that did not stop you. You knew that something in me was good, something was worth saving.
You refused to see me like everyone else saw me. A monster and a freak. Someone to be afraid of or to look down upon because he was a hanyou. But you saw me for how I was. I remember you telling me that you liked me as a half-demon. No matter what my flaws were, you accepted them and even loved me for them. I know that now. That night when I was poisoned and you held me I realized just what it felt like to be loved. Not to be needed like Kikyo needed me but to be loved for everything I was, unchanged and raw. You taught me to love myself and to be proud of what and who I was. That was something that I never thought would be possible. I never thought that I could be satisfied with just being a half demon but with you, I am. With you, I am able to believe that I am good and have something to offer to this world.
You have always been able to do that. To look at someone and automatically see the best in that person. You have always been able to bring out those qualities whether they want you to or not. You brought out the best in me. You taught me how to trust and care for others again. It was a slow process. I was so afraid that you would leave that I resisted all your attempts to get close to me. Yes, I pushed you away out of fear. Not because I thought that you were better off at your own world or that you were destroying the lives around you. No, that was not it. It was all because of fear. I was afraid of the devotion and protectiveness I felt for you. I was afraid of the confidence and self-assurance you made me feel every time you stood fearlessly at my side no matter what foe we faced. I was afraid of the way that you could look me in the eyes and instantly I was willing to do anything just so I could see you smile again. I was afraid to care for you so instead I pushed you away.
I figured that if I could only make you leave then I would never again have to risk opening myself up and end up getting hurt all over again. I decided to try and hate you instead. To make you leave. But, no matter how many times I tried to make you leave for good. No matter how many times I called you names and treated you badly, you came back to me. You would always forgive me. And as time went by, I couldn’t bring up the nerve to fight with you anymore. I did not want to see that pain across your face every time I screamed. I did not want to have you angry at me. I wanted to feel the acceptance and love that you offered me with every look and every simple touch. I wanted to believe you cared and that I could care for you too. You taught me to let go of all the anger and the pain of the past and hold out hopes for a brighter future. How can you think that all these good things could have been a mistake?
I don’t believe you when you say that you are fighting your destiny by coming her. I don’t think that you are trying to rewrite fate. I think that you were meant to be pulled into the well that day. That you were meant to shatter the jewel. It’s because of you that we are even together today. If that jewel never shattered, we would never have meant. Miroku would still be in the south looking for Naraku and Sango would still be off trying to avenge her village. They would never have meet or fell in love. They both would have probably ended up being killed instead. Shippo would probably have been killed trying to avenge his father instead of growing to be the strong boy that he is now. And I would still be pinned to the tree.
And what about all the others that we have helped along the way? What about all the demons that we have slain and all the lives that we have saved? Could that really have been a mistake? Because of you we have saved countless villages from being destroyed. Thanks to you we have changed hundreds of lives for the better. Could that every be wrong? Could Sango and Miroku meeting and falling and love be wrong? Could Shippo living really not be meant to be? Naraku would still have grown in power. Without the jewel he would have just traveled from place to place and absorbed all the powerful demons he could killing everyone in his way. He would still have tried to rule the world only this time we would not be here to stand in his way. Fifty years before you ever came through the well Naraku had the power to put a permit curse on Miroku‘s family. He was already strong. The only effect of you coming here is that you gave us the ability to fight back.
Without you here to hold us together how long do you really think that we are going to last? You are the glue that holds us together Kagome. And you mean the world to us. We need your happiness to keep us going after we lose a fight. We need you to dress our wounds and lift our spirits. We need your enthusiasm when it’s raining and we want to give up. Sango needs a confident and Miroku needs a chaperon. Shippo needs his mother back and I would gladly be sat one hundred times just to hold you in my arms.
Because I love you Kagome. I was afraid to tell you that before but now I’m not. Because I know you knew this was wrong the moment you got back didn’t it. I know because I felt it too. Its not selfishness, its fate. I belong at your side. We are like two halves of a single soul. We were meant to meet each other. Why else would you have stumbled upon me in the forest? Why else would you have had the power to pull out the arrow? Why else would you have shattered the jewel? Could this be all a coincidence? No. There are way too many signs.
We were meant to spend our life together. To fight side by side against to Naraku and beat him. We were meant to destroy the jewel and retire to a quiet life in the village. I want to build you a house in the village just like you dreamed of. I want to marry you and mark you to show both worlds that we were meant to be together and that nothing they could do would every split us apart. I want to hold you each night and wake up to you in the morning. I want to watch your belly grow round with my child and to hold our newborn in my arms. I want to watch our children grow up along side Sango’s and Miroku’s. I want to watch them play in the village together. I don’t care if I will outlive you. I would become human if I could. But even if I can’t I don’t care. I would follow you into death if that were what you would like. I would be proud to follow you into the afterlife. I don’t care. I know that we are meant to be together. I can feel it in my heart every time you look at me. I can see my future mirrored in your eyes. I can see all my dreams in your smile. And I am happy. You are meant to be with us. We all know this. I am not leaving without you. Please come to your senses and come home. I will wait for you.
Sincerely,
Inuyasha
P.S I love you. Please come home.
Kagome clutched the sheet of paper she had found in the well to her chest as tears fell down her face. Tears full of the joy that she had not felt since the day she had pinned that note to the side of the well streamed down his face. She felt so stupid for leaving. Yes, it was hard to protect the jewel day after day. Yes, they risked their lives, but suddenly she did not care. Suddenly, the future did not seem so important. She was in love and he loved her back. He wanted to live with her forever. And she wanted to be at his side as well. Somehow, it would work out. Smiling Kagome ran up the steps and grabbed the bloated yellow bag, which she never could bring herself to unpack. She was going home. And that was all that mattered.
