My life has been really bad right now. I've lost my dad, half my friends, my dignity, and my world just seems to be crashing down around me, and I really am not sure who to tell, so I thought I would just post since most dont come onto my site anymore.

First, my dad is going to jail. Why, I'm not sure I should say on here, but just the fact that I'm loosing him, is going to screw up my whole home life. My mom and dad are divorced, they have been divorced for almost, IDK 6 or 7 years now I think, and my mom has a crappy job and has been living off my dad's child support. Well guess what, my dad goes to jail, no job for him, no child support, guess what, he lost his job. Did you see that one coming? That means that my mom can’t afford our house, food, anything. We cant even move into a little house because the economy is so bad right now, our house wouldn’t even sell.

I need my friends so bad right now, to help me hold my life together, guess what. I broke up with my boyfriend that I have been dating for a year and a month, because, I just need a break from him. alright, I'm a bitch, a whore, I dont know what else my friends/people in general are calling it, and now I have a new boy friend who is the exact opposite of what my last boyfriend was, which, in my eyes, is that exact thing I need right now. My "friends" dont like him so they ignore me and hate me and glare and call me names, I can take that, I've been taking that all my life, but it still hurts. My friend Zach says that they are just looking out for me, but is ignoring my existence going to do that? I dont know if I'm acting like a baby or am right, but if my so called friends do this to me, then maybe they weren’t my friends at all to begin with.

I'm falling into the trench I keep digging and its getting darker and darker, I may have to move out of state and leave the true friends that I still have. My mom caught me cutting myself again and is going to try to get me a councilor, I'm glad she caught me before I did something worse. I dint see cutting myself as that bad, its like a release form the real world, its like my high because I don’t do drugs. I dont know what else to do with my life. I keep having nightmares and crying every time I open my eyes. I feel like my heart is breaking in places I already had thought broken, but now I'm not sure. I'm confused, and hurting, and it feels like there is no one left here to help me make it stop.