I have always had a very exciteable imagination. I'd dream up these incredibly epic stories and work them through with my toys; unfortunately not many others shared my ideas, borrowing their stories, characters and catchphrases from films instead, or from their own perceptions of what you could or couldn't do. There was an unwritten group rule that I was never party to in games. I can remember one particular instance in which we were playing as a group of otters in the field and there was a storm that dragged me away. And when I came to I decided I was going to be some kind of super otter. A neat twist, I thought. Quite understandably, family members of normal otter families don't become super-powered quite so easily, and it was somewhat beyond the original brief. So I was laughed at. It hurt a bit, because I was trying to make it more exciting. What the hell is there to do as a normal otter family? Swim around, pretend to catch fish and just be generally 'ottery'? That was so boring.
I hated football, too. I didn't grow up and want to play it with everyone else, so I'd wander around the field pretending I was about to be crushed by ganantic sheets of metal that were falling from space. They'd always land just behind me, so I was never in any real danger. My games with toys continued, quite unforgivably, well into my teens, where I'd play with my younger sister who was still in primary school. Well, it was an excuse to stay young for a while longer, heh.
I still have most of those toys.
Anyway, college came up. I was going to do an acting course (to follow Dan, no less), because I actually liked it a lot despite my initial shaky reasons for starting it up. To be fair, I did try it in Primary School but got annoyed that one of the kids who was in the Chichester Festival Youth Theatre at the time was given a better part than I did.
College was a great thing for me, because I was encouraged to break out of my shell and grow into myself. I was a very nice, open, conscientious person with a lot of potential and my tutor was an absolute godsend to me. The second year was even better, because by then I had the confidence to take on my own challenges. Socially I didn't do so well, even though I was well-liked. I have never liked drinking or loud parties, so college social life has always been akward for me, you know, nightclubs and the like. So I wouldn't engage outside of class very often and, again, I had one or two close friends who I'd spend most of my time with, and, despite our differences, we're still pretty close. But I didn't audition for drama school. I'd given up the thought of further education and just wanted to get on and do things. So, like primary school, I didn't connect with anyone on that level, and there wasn't any one who I could bond with on a closely personal level either. And for the most part we've all drifted away but keep in loose, mass-mailing contact via Facebook. I loved those years so much, but I didn't leave with any deep sense of belonging other than that feeling of knowing who your classmates are.
So, the re-anactment group. It took me a long time to really settle in as anything other than a polite dogsbody who had been taken under the wing of the group organiser. After I was knighted I started feeling a much greater connection to everyone, perhaps because I was actually being given a sign that I was being trusted with a certain position, and being thanked for everything I'd done for the group. Not only that, but a number of the more aloof elements had disappeared by that time, leaving the rest of us much closer as a unit. And I think that was the first place I've started to feel a sense of belonging. I still feel that way, but there are just other times when you're thrown out of your depth and revert to a security-blanket state of not really knowing what you're doing and social insecurity. I felt a bit like that today, although I imagine that's probably because I slept so badly last night.
And then there's OtakuBoards. The size of the community has waxed and waned over the years, and the community's on the whole very fluid. You're never short of people who'll stop and talk to you or drop by your site, and the conversations in threads are fun. AIM conversations, when I actually took part in them, were hilarious fun ^_^ And that was another place I loved so, so much. But at the same time, I was joining a community of members who'd already known each other for a year or so plus, and there can be a tendency to form cliques like that. Sometimes I really had to try hard to break into friendships, which isn't really the right way of doing it. Becoming a Moderator helped a lot, I have to say. People have to talk to you :p I feel a bit like a hanger-on now, since I was away so long. It'll always be my happiest memory of the internet, but memories aren't something you can return to, especially when new people come in to make their own. Which isn't a bad thing at all, heh. It just makes me feel very nostalgic.
But in truth I'm a fairly casual anime fan anyway, aside from collecting the music, which I absolutely adore. There isn't much to buy in the UK that doesn't take months to be relaesed, and out of principle I don't download anything. I haven't joined any clubs or take Japanese classes (yet). I just like it, and that's about it. I've never made a costume, as much as I've wanted to, and the only anime forum I know that isn't dull as anything is OtakuBoards. And most of the membership is American, so I don't get the chance to find other UK anime fans that I can start a connection with.
