Gah! Why is drawing so hard for me? and why do I continue to do it, especially when nobody looks at it or anything. Except you, Dean, thank you. I mean what do you do with a picture after its done? You can only look at it for so long. You can't do anything useful with it. It just sits there.....

So I drew (failed) Ellis for a challenge. Finished 10 minutes before midnight, due date. I didn't have a lot of time to polish it and I rushed it pretty bad. How does it look sooo much worse on the computer, though? So I tried to do the gameply version of Ellis. There's the gameplay or CG version/design and then there's the poster or drawn version which looks much more like the original model, Jesse McKinney or something. Not that I got anything against Jesse's face, but I love the CG design. Just has more personality/character, I think. I love how it looks like he broke his nose a couple times before the zombie apocolypse. And he looks more average. So the entire time, I was referencing off the CG pictures. Somehow, he ended up looking more like the poster version....what the crud? And that right eye (his right). It's messing everthing up. And then, when I finally finished the face (stubble included) I couldn't figure out what pose I wanted. And when I decided on one I liked, I was violently ripped back to the reality of me not knowing how to draw, much less draw limbs. But not before I wasted a bunch of time on it. So boring pose and scribbled body. Yay. Nightstick, though. Couldn't resist. The first time I played the demo, for The Parish, my siblings had already determined that I would play "the redneck kid". Not because they didn't like him, but because they knew I would end up choosing him anyway. 83 You find nightsticks in the parish. I didn't really hear any of his line during this time, onlly made put the accent, so I found mahself a nightstick and became Officer Ellis. And I single-handedly protected New Orleans until charger carried me right into the horde down the alley. But I got to listen to Electric Mayhem on repeat while wearing my Ellis hat I got for my birthday the whole time I was drawing(failing). I know I got slim chances winning the challenge because 1.) I don't do anime. don't know how. 2.) Ellis isn't Otaku "hawt". Especially not the way I draw him. And 3.) I don't know how to color. There are probably tons more reasons, but I don't care to list them.

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So I'm all in a bit of a gangland hype. Real gangland: power, business, genius, fedoras, craft, organization... not the angry little men who have trouble finding pants in their size that you get calling themselves gangs now. Watched Deadliest warrior. Terrible show. Drama and fake testosterone. People who couldn't get into the fields they wanted, but the show let's them call themselves whatever they want. It was Mafia vs Yakuza. Completely different styles and goals, but all they cared about was death. Yakuza train to die. they spread fear and kill for revenge. Mafia don't do that. They were subtle, organized control and killed only for business. Yakuza kills because they're angry. If Mafia killed everyone who resisted racket paymets, then who pay them? If they killed the supplier or the buyers, no money there either. They didn't kill you, they ruined you. They were comparing Yakuza bombs to molotovs. bombs won of course, because they wre killing. Molotovs were for ruining. Burn down the store so the people would pay you in the future. If theyy'er dead, that less pay. At the end have this little theatrical fight between whatver sides were in the show. They had the Yakuza walk in and the mafia walk in to face them. Mafia didn't have many face-offs. They liked the kiss of death, the handshake murder, drive-bys. They didn't kill, they asassinated. No faceoff. And then they started to light their molotov, in front of the yakuza. We figures that if the Yakuza walked into town they'd let the cops handle it. Not their problem. No matter, Mafia won anyway. Because they cool like that. But I didn't agree with why they won. That show stinks. Then there was one for Green berets vs Spetznaz. spetznaz won, ut we want to use of the retired Spetznaz for something, even just his face. I liked him. Deadliest Warrior is not what got into my latest Gangland hype, by the wau. That would be sad. I just think they were fascinating and then that happpened to be on.

Ok. I'm done. Sorry to anyone with enough time to read all this. I pity you.